NE21 worrier
29-05-13, 20:57
Hello everyone,
First time in the last few days I have posted - but it has actually been a really good few days! :D
--
Just a bit of a background, for anyone reading who does not know: my anxiety tends to focus on me being out of my comfort zone - this is especially the case if I have travelled away from home. Also, if I have never done something before, I think there is no way I will be able to do it.
But, despite this lack of self-belief, there have been countless past occasions (driving tests, holidays, even a best man's speech) when I have gone through with it anyway, though I have usually subjected myself to significant and uncomfortable anticipatory anxiety (most notably, globus, chest tightness).
---
Last weekend was a prime example of an event to make me anxious: a stag do in Preston, and a night away from my home in Tyneside. I felt OK on Friday night so used the time to prepare myself well and get my bag packed. I am glad I did this as, on Saturday morning, I was far less comfortable - I was very shaky and had to evacuate my bowels twice in quick succession. Here we go again, I thought...
Nevertheless, I got myself onto the service bus into town where I met up with a party of friends. By the time, we were on our minibus to Preston, I was feeling far more settled - I was able to have a couple of bananas, a packet of crisps, and later a sandwich. This was a good sign as, usually when I am really anxious, my globus and the sensation of tightness in my chest/oesophagus means that the first thing to go is my appetite.
Before the evening in Preston, the lads planned to do Airsoft (similar to Paintball) - having never played shoot-'em-up games or been interested in that sort of thing, again this was exactly the sort of thing to make me anxious. I'll never be able to do that, I thought :shrug: so I decided not to pay in advance, and advised the stag/best man that I would not partake.
I thought I would just while away the time in town, reading a newspaper or something - but, as we pulled up to the place in the bus, I realised we were about a mile or so outside of any built-up area. Already, as I was feeling settled and generally just nattering with my friends, I had started to convince myself that I may just do this Airsoft thing after all.
Then, I got off the bus, walked up to the kit tent, explained I had not paid in advance - and handed over my money(*). I was doing Airsoft after all! :yesyes:
As it happened, I probably wasn't very good at it - it didn't help that I had removed my specs so I was a bit blind on the shot. But it didn't hurt (that much) and it was generally good fun. I was knackered - but, rather than being mentally exhausted from anxiety as in the past, I had concentrated on the game at hand and I was just physically feeling it.
I knew, having done the Airsoft, that I would find the evening a breeze and my only concern was having the energy to keep going. I ate a meal with the group at an Indian restaurant - only my second Indian meal in the 10 years (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=134292) - then proceeded to a few bars where I had a few drinks but stayed sensible.
On Sunday, I woke as early and as fresh as could be expected, ate a chicken salad for brunch (midday) and got back on the bus home. Unlike our journey to Lancashire when we used the A1 and M62, we returned via the M6 and the A69, and I took in the beautiful countryside in Cumbria and Northumberland as I sat back in my seat and smiled to myself :)
This had been a wonderfully successful weekend for me. After an initial rush of anxiety on Saturday, I had coped really well thereafter. And, while I know I have not won the war yet, this was still a significant victory :)
Thanks for reading,
Peter x
(*) I even got a £10 discount on the Airsoft by paying on the day as the other lads had gone through a third-party website! :yesyes:
First time in the last few days I have posted - but it has actually been a really good few days! :D
--
Just a bit of a background, for anyone reading who does not know: my anxiety tends to focus on me being out of my comfort zone - this is especially the case if I have travelled away from home. Also, if I have never done something before, I think there is no way I will be able to do it.
But, despite this lack of self-belief, there have been countless past occasions (driving tests, holidays, even a best man's speech) when I have gone through with it anyway, though I have usually subjected myself to significant and uncomfortable anticipatory anxiety (most notably, globus, chest tightness).
---
Last weekend was a prime example of an event to make me anxious: a stag do in Preston, and a night away from my home in Tyneside. I felt OK on Friday night so used the time to prepare myself well and get my bag packed. I am glad I did this as, on Saturday morning, I was far less comfortable - I was very shaky and had to evacuate my bowels twice in quick succession. Here we go again, I thought...
Nevertheless, I got myself onto the service bus into town where I met up with a party of friends. By the time, we were on our minibus to Preston, I was feeling far more settled - I was able to have a couple of bananas, a packet of crisps, and later a sandwich. This was a good sign as, usually when I am really anxious, my globus and the sensation of tightness in my chest/oesophagus means that the first thing to go is my appetite.
Before the evening in Preston, the lads planned to do Airsoft (similar to Paintball) - having never played shoot-'em-up games or been interested in that sort of thing, again this was exactly the sort of thing to make me anxious. I'll never be able to do that, I thought :shrug: so I decided not to pay in advance, and advised the stag/best man that I would not partake.
I thought I would just while away the time in town, reading a newspaper or something - but, as we pulled up to the place in the bus, I realised we were about a mile or so outside of any built-up area. Already, as I was feeling settled and generally just nattering with my friends, I had started to convince myself that I may just do this Airsoft thing after all.
Then, I got off the bus, walked up to the kit tent, explained I had not paid in advance - and handed over my money(*). I was doing Airsoft after all! :yesyes:
As it happened, I probably wasn't very good at it - it didn't help that I had removed my specs so I was a bit blind on the shot. But it didn't hurt (that much) and it was generally good fun. I was knackered - but, rather than being mentally exhausted from anxiety as in the past, I had concentrated on the game at hand and I was just physically feeling it.
I knew, having done the Airsoft, that I would find the evening a breeze and my only concern was having the energy to keep going. I ate a meal with the group at an Indian restaurant - only my second Indian meal in the 10 years (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=134292) - then proceeded to a few bars where I had a few drinks but stayed sensible.
On Sunday, I woke as early and as fresh as could be expected, ate a chicken salad for brunch (midday) and got back on the bus home. Unlike our journey to Lancashire when we used the A1 and M62, we returned via the M6 and the A69, and I took in the beautiful countryside in Cumbria and Northumberland as I sat back in my seat and smiled to myself :)
This had been a wonderfully successful weekend for me. After an initial rush of anxiety on Saturday, I had coped really well thereafter. And, while I know I have not won the war yet, this was still a significant victory :)
Thanks for reading,
Peter x
(*) I even got a £10 discount on the Airsoft by paying on the day as the other lads had gone through a third-party website! :yesyes: