hoshi
30-05-13, 21:14
I used to be really freaked out about my health. Thinking a lot about scary things like brain tumors and heart disease. As a teenager I had frequent migraines of the sort that left me half blind with rainbow zig-zag auras blocking my field of vision, nausea and excruciating pain in one particular spot of my skull. I also had random heart palpitations, one or two every couple of weeks, feeling a sudden cold rush with the initial pulse skip, then followed by a hard thud in my chest and random fluttering, cold sweats and dizziness.
Generally over time I've dropped most of that unfounded fatal disease anxiety and learnt to just accept most stuff that my body does as within normal boundaries. I still get the palpitations occasionally, and they freak me out less since I learnt what triggers them and why, and haven't had a migraine in years. But honestly I wonder if I still have some form of actual health anxiety because of the way I constantly analyze and worry about particular things. For example;
I've had a lifelong issue with dislocating kneecaps, and fallen arches. Not only is it agonizing and embarrassing when my whole leg suddenly locks up and I fall to the ground, but it's dangerous when walking on uneven, icy or slippery surfaces- even if it's only been raining I have to take extreme care with my steps in case my heels slip out a tiny bit. Also because I generally walk everywhere my risk of it happening is greatly increased, plus all of my shoes get pushed out of shape and split at the edges because of the repeated flattening of my feet. I just notice that my overall walking gait/posture is completely uncomfortable and my legs are always exhausted so sometimes I'm sure my bone structure is somehow permanently flawed.
My periods are severely painful and heavy- I lose ridiculous amounts of blood and if I don't plan ahead to take painkillers several hours before I even expect them to start, I will be almost immobile with cramps, rocking back and forth and groaning like a woman in labour. I've passed out several times, vomited and once nearly had my roommate call an ambulance because I was so beyond pain I thought my ovary had ruptured. I miss 3 or 4 days at a time of whatever commitments I have almost every month because of this, and previous doctors have told me this is all normal but I still disagree.
I have loads of those grey floating specks in my field of vision, on the surface of my eyes. I barely notice them most of the time but if I look at a bright blank surface they are really obvious and distracting while they follow my eye movements. The number and position of them change all the time- right now I have about six between both eyes and I'm not entirely sure it's normal.
This is too much, right? I wonder if I'm really health paranoid and just sort of in denial about it? :shrug:
Generally over time I've dropped most of that unfounded fatal disease anxiety and learnt to just accept most stuff that my body does as within normal boundaries. I still get the palpitations occasionally, and they freak me out less since I learnt what triggers them and why, and haven't had a migraine in years. But honestly I wonder if I still have some form of actual health anxiety because of the way I constantly analyze and worry about particular things. For example;
I've had a lifelong issue with dislocating kneecaps, and fallen arches. Not only is it agonizing and embarrassing when my whole leg suddenly locks up and I fall to the ground, but it's dangerous when walking on uneven, icy or slippery surfaces- even if it's only been raining I have to take extreme care with my steps in case my heels slip out a tiny bit. Also because I generally walk everywhere my risk of it happening is greatly increased, plus all of my shoes get pushed out of shape and split at the edges because of the repeated flattening of my feet. I just notice that my overall walking gait/posture is completely uncomfortable and my legs are always exhausted so sometimes I'm sure my bone structure is somehow permanently flawed.
My periods are severely painful and heavy- I lose ridiculous amounts of blood and if I don't plan ahead to take painkillers several hours before I even expect them to start, I will be almost immobile with cramps, rocking back and forth and groaning like a woman in labour. I've passed out several times, vomited and once nearly had my roommate call an ambulance because I was so beyond pain I thought my ovary had ruptured. I miss 3 or 4 days at a time of whatever commitments I have almost every month because of this, and previous doctors have told me this is all normal but I still disagree.
I have loads of those grey floating specks in my field of vision, on the surface of my eyes. I barely notice them most of the time but if I look at a bright blank surface they are really obvious and distracting while they follow my eye movements. The number and position of them change all the time- right now I have about six between both eyes and I'm not entirely sure it's normal.
This is too much, right? I wonder if I'm really health paranoid and just sort of in denial about it? :shrug: