What were you like before??

[saranadine]

Hi All,

I should have gone out over the weekend for one of my friends birthdays, I don't know why I said I would go, as I should have known that when the time came, I would'nt.

It got me thinking about how I was before all this anxiety started, I had always been a worrier, but not like this. Before I only used to worry about aches and pains if I had had them for a few days, where as now, the second I feel something, I panic.

I used to never want to be IN the house, and now I don't want to go out of it most of the time, I never used to think twice about getting up and singing on the karaoke in front of a pub full of people, I was the joker of the group, felt quite confident in myself, and also the one that my friends used to come and talk to if they had a problem about anything.

I feel as though I am a completely different person now, and that I will never be the same as what I was before, I have lost friends because I kept letting them down, and that really gets me down, if I was that person once, surely I could be again.

But I feel as though this anxiety is a lot stronger than I am, if it is'nt one symptom its another, as I'm sure you all know.

Its like now, my scalp feels so tight, and I'm worrying. I know its probably because my boyfriend went to the bank at 10am, and has'nt come back so I'm stressing as I know he will be sitting in the pub, laughing and joking with his friends, while I am sat here with my 2 kids off school sick. I don't know why I am bothered about him really, as he is no help when he is here, I get more support from my dogs than I do from him.

God, I feel as though this is turning into a post where I am beginning to feel sorry for myself, and I don't want it to be like that.

Anyway changing the subject, what were you like before your anxiety started.

Sorry for the long post

Take Care

Sara
xxxxx

[mumof3]

hiya sara,you sound just like me i used to work in a busy bar in the middle of town,i was allways the first on the dancefloor ect,now it can take me days just to get to my local shop which is 2 mins away,im lucky my hubby is brilliant and helps me a great deal i still feel as if im on my own trying to deal with panic attacks ect hope your feeling better soon my gp has been brilliant i kept thinking ive feel better the next day and day after,it wasnt untill i spoke to my gp that i found out there is lots of support out there i just want the old me back,take care

[belle]

Hi..
I'm virtually housebound at the moment, which IS frustrating.
2 years before my agoraphobia hit i was your normal 21 year old. My last holiday before i became ill was in Australia where i spent 6 weeks, its ironic really, i went possibly one of the furthest places from my home then and NOW i can barely leave the house.
I do however recall that i wasn't too keen on travelling that far in my car, i think the furthest i went was about 20 miles, but still - there are "normal" people that aren't confident drivers.
I worked 2 jobs and had a flipping good life and LOTS of friends. NOW - i have no friends and a husband who just see's me as a burden and someone who is stopping him from living the life he wants!!!
Great being agoraphobic :(

Sarah x

[net]

i cant remember a time when i want anxious mine started when i was very young

netty


the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[Ma Larkin]

I was everything I wished I could be. Had a good job (still got the job), beautiful children, out-going personality (in fact an absolute nutter who would have people laughing all night), support from family. Now I feel like a prisoner in my own home, can't be bothered with my appearance, don't eat properly, let the housework go. I've still got "tarts darts". I've played ladies darts for 20 years (no offence at the tarts ladies, its just what the blokes in the pub call us - we're hardly tarts, I'm the youngest at 39!!) This is my only night out, still don't bother about my appearance, its jeans or trackies and hair tied in a pony tail. I just don't seem to have the energy any more, and feel like I have nothing to make an effort for. I also have health anxiety so every little twinge is a heart attack. I was so looking forward to being 40 next week, but I don't feel like I've got anything to look forward to any more.

I wish I could be my old self again!

Les

[yorkylover]

My anxiety started when I was young,secondary school was hard for me.Teachers making you stand up infront of the class,being picked on by other kids.I had my confidence knocked out and still have very little.My panic attacks started just over 10 years ago.I dont remember what its like to be without anxiety,its always been part of my life.It has got worse as Iv got older.My life is always full of some sort of stress.

Ellen XX

[kate]

I really can't remember....

Kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

[janie]

Hi everyone - good question Sara

I can remember very clearly as I have had anxiety only for the past 6 months (although it feels like longer).

I was very confident and exceptionally calm. Until meeting my second husband 3 years ago I looked after my three children, worked full time and just took everything in my stride. I cannot honestly say that I have been a worrier. I met my husband, fell madly in love and my life was perfect. Then I had a string of bad luck one year starting with breaking my leg very badly just 2 days before I got married in Colorado, and lots of other bits and pieces over the next 12 months.

Just when things were getting better I had a panic attack in bed one night - frightened the life out of me and I've been suffering since. I've had some really good days when I think I'm getting on top of it, and then some awful days which take a long time to claw back from.

Having seen a CBT therapist I do understand that perhaps because I have always been a coper and always put other people first I have spent years not looking after me. I also had a very difficult and disjointed childhood which probably hasn't helped.

I've had a lot of changes in my life in very quick succession so maybe it was just too much for the old brain cells to deal with. But I am sure the old Janie is on her way back - it's a slow and sometimes painful process but I am totally determined.

This site is brilliant - good luck and hugs to all.

janie xxxx

[missacorah]

I have always been a worrier but only about things like having to stand up in front of crowds and speak in front of people etc but I coped. When I started work as a teaching assistant I was really pleased because I began losing the fear of speaking in front of people from doing it with the kids and it pleasantly spilled over into adults - not fully but there was definately some improvement there. Also at that time I was feeling really content in general - I had my little job which gave me a boost as I felt I was providing for my 2 kids, my house was decorated as I liked it, I had no money worries to speak of etc and then bam...THIS!

I just wonder why this had to happen. Lots of people are nervous people so why did mine have to develop into this?

[Gemstone]

I had anxiety as a child, and suffered major depression as a teenager, so it's been on and off over the years and there's never really been a time when I was outgoing or felt all that normal, like everyone else seemed normal. :(

[Humly]

I've always worried about things. I can remember worrying about stuff when I was at school and off and on since then. I had one major health panic about 15 years ago and was ok for a while until I had my first child 9 years ago. I got Bells Palsy just before I gave birth and was distraught - even though I fully recovered from this I was never the same again and its just been one thing after the other since. I seem to alternate between health issues and other general worries which I blow up out of all proportion.

[miff]

before good friday 2003 i was an active social aussie male with three kids , hard working enjoyed a drink, a bit of a risk taker, had a real fast teenage life.but since then a panic attack changed my life forever, other blokes I meet think i am a bit of a girl because I avoid conflict or major physical activities.I used to scuba dive every weekend now I cant even swim at the beach.My life has changed completely and i cant think of one positive way.

[happyone]

Hi Sara,

Like many others, I have been a worrier or anxious most of my life. I lost my hair before starting school as I was so worked up about it! (It grew back thankfully)

Yet, I was on the other hand, confident, outgoing and full of self esteem. I know that is contradictory, my mum used to describe me as being the stereotypical Gemini (sign of the twins)
I have never been the first to get up and dance, in fact I hate it, yet I used to take part in amateur dramatics and sing and act in front of hundreds!

I have always loved to be the joker and many of my friends and colleagues tell me I am funny, should be a comedy writer etc. However, I know that sometimes I use comedy/jokes as a barrier or therapy. If people are laughing at me, then I feel their humour and feed on it, it makes me feel good. To everyone who knows me and knows what is wrong with me just now, they all say
‘can’t believe you could suffer from something like this’
But I think that is part of the problem. I don’t let people know me in any real depth. I only have one close friend that I could be free with how I feel. It always took me a very long time just to be mates with someone, never mind a friend.

To cut it short, before this, I think I was an actress, playing out a part. The part of a confident, assertive, funny, professional individual.
Sometimes it gets to me when teachers at my daughters school assume her to be confident when I know that she is filled with self doubt and highly critical of herself. If she was openly quiet and shy, she would be given more encouragement from school to build her self esteem.

Sorry to ramble. What a good question Sara!
happyone
x

[angie3077]

Was once able to just get on with things, not really get held up on things, a cold WAS a cold, a headache WAS a headache! Complete opposite now.

Angie

[Stu M]

I remember being a happy go lucky kid up to the age of 11. Loved being around people, always laughing, loved sport.

Then my gran keeled over in front of me with a heart attack, and ive suffered from anxiety ever since.

I long to release that inner child once more and enjoy my life, but at 37 its taking a while, but im not giving up :)

[redbarony]

wow,too many likenesses here

i too am the office joker and so called confident person,but im not with people i dont know i go very quite and my friends dont understand it as they think i should be making them all laugh. i've always worried and now im a dad of three i'm worrying myself to death about bills etc.i want my wife to enjoy the children growing up and she's a full time mum so ive took on the financial burden but im worrying about dieing as both my parents died young and i have no family support(mum and dad were orphans),my wife is very understanding but she has to deal with the kids first and not THIS BIG KID,i get stretches of time when i feel ive turned a corner but at the moment im back to the chest pains,tinnitus,dizzy head and breathlessness.ive stopped going to the doctors as i feel i was there all the time and he has refered me to a ENT doctor but i now have to wait 2 months to see him.anyway less about me

cyas around

red

[jess1]

I was thinking this very thing today and it made me cry, pre panicking I could have a headache and not think brain tumour, I could hear an awfull story about illness and not suddenly develop the symptoms, I could go out and the next day know just have hangover not brain tumour, I could do anything and feel relaxed and carefree and just enjoy my life.
I was on my honeymoon recently sitting round a pool in a luxury hotel panicking that I was about to have a heart attack, I wished the full hol away as was in total panick mode majority of the time. I used to totally enjoy a hol and could sit in sun for hours totally relaxed now I cant as brain works over time, going away for Christmas with family and friends are joining us at some point I am going to do everything that it takes to sort this out am not ruining this for them...any ideas anyone xxx