Dont want to be here anymore living like this

[chl_hobbs]

Im in so much pain all the time and I cant cope with it anymore. This week ive tested positivefor a blood clot,then.negative and it was ruled out,then straight after the top.of my chest feels heavy and sore,like when u have a chest infection, and keep couging so think.i.DO.have a clot again. With this my whole right hip hurts and has hurt for 3 weeks,feeling worse these past 3 days. I.also have a nasty bruise.on that hip which is scaring me. My thigh hurts and lower back and lower right abdo.too. Its like a sore dragging, pulling type feeling. On friday they did blood tests all normal.

Im scared my womb or pelvis is bleeding, or I have a huge ovarian cyst or cancer spreading throughout my body. Am so on edge and scared. I think.id be netter off dead as thats whats going to happen to me anyway. I wouldnt do anything I jave a beautiful 3 yr old daughter but. Im ruining her life being like this. Im on anti ds which dont help, take lorazepam when.panic sets in. I cant cope with pain or not feeling right. Im so scared.

Charlotte

[Freaked]

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time; I can empathise. Like you I'd never do anything cos all I want is to get better and be able to enjoy normal things again, but what I have now is a pretty rough life. It's like feeling as if someone's got a gun to your head all the time. Feeling so ill and so worried almost 24/7. The people close to me are having to take care of me constantly.

I think you need to look for more help of some sort. Every sort. Try to find a doctor who will try to give you some sort of proper explanation and look for psychological help too. That's what I'm doing. I know it's way easier said than done, but I'm sick of getting shrugs for answers and being told to live with being a 21 year old cripple.

Until then, maybe try your best to float through it. Look for help if you feel really bad, and go into robot mode at other times. Maybe not very helpful advice, but what else can we do?