HA has ruined my holiday :( Help please

[shaunnajadelle]

Hello,

I flew out for a 14 night holiday in Zante on Sunday with my boyfriend. I knew in the airport my health anxiety was kicking in, worrying about being in Greece without usual healthcare for 2 weeks. I said I didn't want to get on the plane but the staff and my boyfriend persuaded me on with the promise that we could fly home if I became too anxious.

It took me 8 hours from landing of sheer panic attacks, I told my boyfriend I needed to be in the UK and he booked me a flight home which I have landed this morning. He decided to stay on until Sunday night/Monday morning (which I don't blame him for!).

I feel so guilty but I really could not be calmed down. He was very upset but seems fine now and promises things will be fine when he's home because he knows I suffer from anxiety, but he's informed me (via text) that he's going partying/drinking etc. for the next few nights (he doesn't usually drink at all) with some new friends he's made, and they're going to a strip club on friday. It sounds so selfish I know, but this has accelerated my anxiety another hurdle on top of how unsettled I am from being a failure on holiday and flying home.

On top of everything else, I now have poking pains in the left side of my chest and I know it sounds irrational but I'm terrified I'm going to have a heart problem of some sort before he gets back on Monday and will never get to have seen him again.. I'm really in bits right now :( My anxiety has ruined everything. I'm already on citalopram and now diazepam for this anxiety but I feel lost, I've never spent time away from him in such a long time and I feel like a failure and that something bad is going to happen :(

I know it can't be magically made better but I didn't know where else to post,

[Stormsky]

Im sorry to hear you didnt get to enjoy your holiday...
Believing you have all these conditions will cause all sorts of turmoil and symptoms in our body...let alone the anxiety it's causing..
Mind and body are so closely linked, for example, I can feel fine but if I tell myself I feel sick over and over again, I actually start to feel sick... So telling yourself you have heart problems or other things will conflict with your body, and it's response to your thoughts will give all sorts of physical symptoms ..you'll actually feel pains in the area your concerned with.
You have to trust your boyfriend, your not there so can't do anything... Spend your time trying to sort yourself before he comes back, whether that's going to gp, or trying relaxing activities, or speaking to family,friends etc...

[Corona89]

You should let him stay the 2 weeks.

[shaunnajadelle]

Thanks Stormsky :) I will try all of that.

I can't 'let' him do anything, I thought he was staying the two weeks, but he's changed the flight himself because he doesn't want to be on his own for that long.

[cattia]

I understand that it's tough on your boyfriend to be left alone but I think him texting you that sort of thing is really unnecessary and uncalled for and will only make you feel worse. It's a shame you couldn't enjoy the holiday, but it's just a setback. Next time perhaps you could go on holiday in the UK, or just do a mini city break sonewhere like France so that you build up more slowly to a big trip. It sounds as though you need to have better strategies in place for coping with panic attacks so that this kind of trip will be less daunting. Try to treat yourself and do some nice things until your boyfriend gets back.

[shaunnajadelle]

Yeah, that's a good idea :) Thank you