shaunnajadelle
05-06-13, 20:52
Hello,
I flew out for a 14 night holiday in Zante on Sunday with my boyfriend. I knew in the airport my health anxiety was kicking in, worrying about being in Greece without usual healthcare for 2 weeks. I said I didn't want to get on the plane but the staff and my boyfriend persuaded me on with the promise that we could fly home if I became too anxious.
It took me 8 hours from landing of sheer panic attacks, I told my boyfriend I needed to be in the UK and he booked me a flight home which I have landed this morning. He decided to stay on until Sunday night/Monday morning (which I don't blame him for!).
I feel so guilty but I really could not be calmed down. He was very upset but seems fine now and promises things will be fine when he's home because he knows I suffer from anxiety, but he's informed me (via text) that he's going partying/drinking etc. for the next few nights (he doesn't usually drink at all) with some new friends he's made, and they're going to a strip club on friday. It sounds so selfish I know, but this has accelerated my anxiety another hurdle on top of how unsettled I am from being a failure on holiday and flying home.
On top of everything else, I now have poking pains in the left side of my chest and I know it sounds irrational but I'm terrified I'm going to have a heart problem of some sort before he gets back on Monday and will never get to have seen him again.. I'm really in bits right now :( My anxiety has ruined everything. I'm already on citalopram and now diazepam for this anxiety but I feel lost, I've never spent time away from him in such a long time and I feel like a failure and that something bad is going to happen :(
I know it can't be magically made better but I didn't know where else to post,
I flew out for a 14 night holiday in Zante on Sunday with my boyfriend. I knew in the airport my health anxiety was kicking in, worrying about being in Greece without usual healthcare for 2 weeks. I said I didn't want to get on the plane but the staff and my boyfriend persuaded me on with the promise that we could fly home if I became too anxious.
It took me 8 hours from landing of sheer panic attacks, I told my boyfriend I needed to be in the UK and he booked me a flight home which I have landed this morning. He decided to stay on until Sunday night/Monday morning (which I don't blame him for!).
I feel so guilty but I really could not be calmed down. He was very upset but seems fine now and promises things will be fine when he's home because he knows I suffer from anxiety, but he's informed me (via text) that he's going partying/drinking etc. for the next few nights (he doesn't usually drink at all) with some new friends he's made, and they're going to a strip club on friday. It sounds so selfish I know, but this has accelerated my anxiety another hurdle on top of how unsettled I am from being a failure on holiday and flying home.
On top of everything else, I now have poking pains in the left side of my chest and I know it sounds irrational but I'm terrified I'm going to have a heart problem of some sort before he gets back on Monday and will never get to have seen him again.. I'm really in bits right now :( My anxiety has ruined everything. I'm already on citalopram and now diazepam for this anxiety but I feel lost, I've never spent time away from him in such a long time and I feel like a failure and that something bad is going to happen :(
I know it can't be magically made better but I didn't know where else to post,