so tired of this continual battle

[Night Owl]

suffering so bad lately- trying to work this job but i think it is too much high stress(cooking full time)(only 2 days in and i already am struggling)- tried a 3 day a week job for 2 months(dishwashing)- it went ok but i thought i would try something a little better- i havent had a job in over 7 years- i am currently on disability and sometimes i feel ok- but whenever i start some job the social sec sends me some about reviewing my case and that triggers an absolute downward spiral- total full blown panic- i cant think straight- full of irrational terror- want just run away from this life i have no friends to talk to- dont want to burden my family with this stuff- i know its just panic and it will pass- but God have mercy on my soul- it is so difficult- i am constantly weeping all the time- i want to scream help me make it stop- i am so tired and so sad- i might just quit this job and finally go to a head doctor and then eventually look for some type non resturant job- i am at a loss as what to do with my life- well sorry bout all that- i feel a little better now- suppose to leave for this new job in a minute- sorry about the text(no caps- lots of dashes)- i only have web access via an xbox360 app- takes a long time to type- well then off to work i go-thanks- also i hate that 'madness' sensation- fear of going crazy/ passing out/cant think straight-also i get really anxious posting on forums and such- oh well i guess i also have 'social media anxiety'(ha-ha sorry bad joke)- later

[Annie0904]

I am sorry you are struggling with work at the moment. Are you on any medication to help you? Maybe your doctor could refer you for some sort of therapy? I think it would be a good idea to speak to your doctor and get some more support.

[Night Owl]

thanks- no meds at the moment- used to take paxil and xanax- it was a nightmare getting off the paxil- i have a prescription for buspar- but i have yet to take it- its been sitting there for 2 or 3 months- anxious about taking it- first chance i get im headed to someplace called network 180 to get references on help with my mental health- i do have my good days thou- take care

[Night Owl]

feeling better now- manager at work said they could put me on just 4 days/part time- so im gonna give it a go and see how it turns out- hopefull better when i get put on the night shift next week after training- no matter how tough it gets it does always pass/stabilize and then i feel 'normal'- what a trip though aye? panic attacks- sorry for the freak out and thanks for the place to vent- God Bless-

[Night Owl]

just to update/vent- went into to work this morning and they let me go- no more job- oh well i was struggling with it- everything will work out in the end- i am not without hope-

[Annie0904]

I am sorry the job didn't work out :( Take the time to get yourself well again without the stress of work.

[Col]

Thats bloody annoying when The boss was happy to let u do part time...... Why the sudden change?? Annies advice is great xxx use his time to get yourself better

[Night Owl]

the other manager fired me(wouldnt be reliable i suppose)- there was a few of them there- i decided to try the buspar for a while- find a conciler/therapist and see my regular dr. then down the road figure out the rest- thanks for your kindness-

[Annie0904]

I think that is a good idea to see a therapist as they can be very helpful.

[Col]

ahh takecare X