abdominal pains... cancer fears

[Vida]

I've been on here a lot lately. Struggling to deal with my fears. But I am a compete mess. As much as I try to keep sane and tell myself I can only just wait until my results are in, I get little reminders with a dull pain here and there. I freak out with every bowel movement and I ask myself "is this normal for me?"... Because I don't really know anymore. I find it hard to think about the future. Im frightened that I'll leave my kids without a mother. How will I deal with a diagnoses?
My fears are back and forth through colon cancer to ovarian cancer. I suppose I should feel a little relieved that my ultrasound was normal but I know there's many more tests to go through.
Im sorry I've posted again, but here is my only sanctuary to tell my fears to someone.

I've also lost 8lbs in the last month. I want to attribute it to my anxiety but that kind of rationalization is unheard of with an HA sufferer.

[setfree]

I'd suggest talking to a doctor. They may help you remove your fears and live with pess worry. I understand what you are feeling regarding your fears. Please go to a doctor if you can. However, the support group is very professional and can help you find the light of day when you need it the most.

First, relax about your anxiety. I kknow you are afraid about you having your kids to live without you, but since you are still alive, try to relax a bit more andbe happier knowing that you are still in existence. Don't worry. Everything will be alright.

[Vida]

Thanks for your encouraging words. Ive seen my doctor, im going through diagnostic tests. Im on wellbutrin. 3 weeks in, waiting for a sign of relief.
Instead im getting new pains in addition to those i already have. Shoulder pain, chest pain. What now? Lung cancer? Maybe its spread. I dont know anymore. I try to be positive, but evil pain reminders show up out of nowhere to remind me.
I know i may sound irrational with fear. i completely understand how i may sound to those of you reading my posts. But here is where i shall vent until my next dr appointment

[flori]

Vida, don`t apologize for posting, this is what this site is about, helping each other get through hard times and comforting each other.

If it`s any consolation, I was having abdominal pain and had ultra sound. It showed up lump on pancreas which turned out to be a simple fatty lump. Thank God.

I think if anything serious was there the scan would have detected it.

[Betsyboo9034]

I completely understand what you are going through, I associate new pains with cancer too. Remember that as HA sufferers, we are hyper aware of our bodies and sensations. These pains might be something that we wouldnt even notice, if we weren't looking for more pains. It can make the sensation feel ten times worse than it actually is. Have you tried taking yourself out of self-focus mode, where we just think about what is going on inside and the pains we are having, and trying to widen your focus? Listen to what's going on in your surroundings, focus on the project you are doing....I find it helps a lot, and it makes the pain diminish.

[aggiecuttler]

Try not and think the worst, at least you are getting checked out, however hard it is being taken care of by the drs should be a comfort you are not putting your head in the sand you are dealing with things thats a really positive move, so pat yourself on the back you are doing all the right things to keep you well, we all worry its human nature so you are not alone in this we are all on this forum for similar reasons and we are here to support you remember dont cross a style before you get there blessings

[Vida]

Had my CT scan with oral and IV contrast. Now i wait. GI doc scheduled me for follow up/results in 2 weeks but I'll be vacationingthen, so now he wont see me for a month! I don't know if i can wait that long.
I've all sorts of pains coming up now. I'm keeping as positive as I can but it's difficult at times.
So now i wait...