burningstarIV
10-06-13, 18:06
Hi everyone,
(I hope this is the right area to post this, sorry if it's not!) I have been having major anxiety problems within the last two weeks and am now feeling increasingly depressed over it (I have been diagnosed with GAD (with obsessive thoughts), moderate panic disorder, and in the past severe depression). I will try to sum up my issues as short as possible:
Basically I was in a (bad, emotionally abusive) relationship right out of high school for 6 years that I never could escape. We broke up this past April and are actually best friends now again and my depression was virtually gone (even though my anxiety is still an issue). Anyway, I have been happier than I can ever remember being the last month and a half and issues that would usually send me in a tailspin I could handle with ease. Everything has been going decently well so I decided to get a kitten (I have lived alone in an apartment for the last 5-6 years and I love living alone, probably because I am an only child or something). Anyway, I have had bad experiences with getting puppies/dogs in the past and I helped my ex out with his kitten that he got last year and I fell in love so I thought why not. I have an easy schedule right now because I am in graduate school so the kitten wouldn't have to be home alone a lot. So I adopted this kitten last week and my anxiety levels have skyrocketed.
It is hard to talk about because I know complete idiots that can take care of animals and it makes me feel really pathetic, inadequate, and incapable. I am HORRIBLE with change, I absolutely hate it, which is one of the reasons I could never get out of my past relationship. On top of this, a bunch of other things started going wrong with school and my friendships/personal life. I think the cat was kind of the "straw that broke the camel's back" for me. The kitten is pretty well behaved, extremely sweet (clingy even), adorable, and very easy to take care of aside from his demanding my attention most of the time. I feel like I am back to a really negative space where I was a while ago and I am not sure how to get out of it. I am feeling like I just want my old life back and to be alone like I was with the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted to. Also, I have a germ problem so I don't even want the cat on my bed or messing stuff up, etc. I feel SO stupid because I did extensive research on kittens and prepared weeks in advance and visualized how my life would be once I got him, both good and bad situations.
I am just at a loss of what to do, on top of all these issues my therapist is so unreliable that she has cancelled my last 3 appointments (she usually cancels over 50% of the time). I did contact a new therapist and am waiting to hear when I can get it. It just feels like my problems are so lame and petty and nobody will really take me seriously (they say "it's just a cat it shouldn't stress you out, it's only school, etc.). I am just at a loss with how to get back to where I was. I can't help but think that I shouldn't have messed with my situation (don't fix what isn't broken I guess) and I should have just rode out my happiness instead of tampering with it.
Anyway, any insight would be appreciated. I was too nervous to post anything on pet forums just to be ridiculed and also it isn't the only thing contributing to my anxiety and now depression.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the length!:wacko:
(I hope this is the right area to post this, sorry if it's not!) I have been having major anxiety problems within the last two weeks and am now feeling increasingly depressed over it (I have been diagnosed with GAD (with obsessive thoughts), moderate panic disorder, and in the past severe depression). I will try to sum up my issues as short as possible:
Basically I was in a (bad, emotionally abusive) relationship right out of high school for 6 years that I never could escape. We broke up this past April and are actually best friends now again and my depression was virtually gone (even though my anxiety is still an issue). Anyway, I have been happier than I can ever remember being the last month and a half and issues that would usually send me in a tailspin I could handle with ease. Everything has been going decently well so I decided to get a kitten (I have lived alone in an apartment for the last 5-6 years and I love living alone, probably because I am an only child or something). Anyway, I have had bad experiences with getting puppies/dogs in the past and I helped my ex out with his kitten that he got last year and I fell in love so I thought why not. I have an easy schedule right now because I am in graduate school so the kitten wouldn't have to be home alone a lot. So I adopted this kitten last week and my anxiety levels have skyrocketed.
It is hard to talk about because I know complete idiots that can take care of animals and it makes me feel really pathetic, inadequate, and incapable. I am HORRIBLE with change, I absolutely hate it, which is one of the reasons I could never get out of my past relationship. On top of this, a bunch of other things started going wrong with school and my friendships/personal life. I think the cat was kind of the "straw that broke the camel's back" for me. The kitten is pretty well behaved, extremely sweet (clingy even), adorable, and very easy to take care of aside from his demanding my attention most of the time. I feel like I am back to a really negative space where I was a while ago and I am not sure how to get out of it. I am feeling like I just want my old life back and to be alone like I was with the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted to. Also, I have a germ problem so I don't even want the cat on my bed or messing stuff up, etc. I feel SO stupid because I did extensive research on kittens and prepared weeks in advance and visualized how my life would be once I got him, both good and bad situations.
I am just at a loss of what to do, on top of all these issues my therapist is so unreliable that she has cancelled my last 3 appointments (she usually cancels over 50% of the time). I did contact a new therapist and am waiting to hear when I can get it. It just feels like my problems are so lame and petty and nobody will really take me seriously (they say "it's just a cat it shouldn't stress you out, it's only school, etc.). I am just at a loss with how to get back to where I was. I can't help but think that I shouldn't have messed with my situation (don't fix what isn't broken I guess) and I should have just rode out my happiness instead of tampering with it.
Anyway, any insight would be appreciated. I was too nervous to post anything on pet forums just to be ridiculed and also it isn't the only thing contributing to my anxiety and now depression.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the length!:wacko: