underthemoon
10-06-13, 21:23
Hi guys, I'm a 22 year old female.
I really need someone to talk to about this. I've always been a very anxious person, since I was a child. I had depression in my teens, and had to drop out of college because of it, however when I met my boyfriend who I've now been with nearly 5 years I've been okay. Several down moments, but no feelings of needing to do anything to harm myself etc. I've always gotten over it in a couple of days.
My anxiety has slowly been creeping back... having a bad stomach every morning, worrying when I have to go out for a night out with friends, worrying all the time what people think of me etc etc. [butterflies, feeling sick, stomach churning, feeling sweaty and clammy]
Last year I had my first panic attack - I was in bed, and it just came out of no where. I was shaking, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would come out my chest, I was crying, couldn't breathe, everything hurt, my chest hurt etc. It was terrifying and because I thought I was having a heart attack it wouldn't stop for a long time. I felt very shaky for about a week after that.
Couple of months later I had another one, I had had a lot of drink and I had one when coming back from the loo, out of no where, I blacked out and woke up on the floor, with my arm bruised to hell as I hit the coffee table when I fainted.
Since then I've been obsessively checking my pulse every day, and it's always racing. I also get palpitations a lot - it races when I've eaten dinner, or I could be lying in bed reading, perfectly relaxed, and it just thuds really loudly like it's stopped for a moment - none of this helps my anxiety. They gave me 10mg beta blockers for this last year, but I don't think they did anything, they made me more aware of my heart beat more than ever, plus I had a crappy dr when I went back for some more, saying I shouldn't be having them at my age, thus I stopped taking them.
Then, last week I was just standing at the checkout with my boyfriend in the supermarket, when my legs turned to jelly, I felt shaky, my heart was racing, I was covered in sweat, so I went to sit down -I felt so faint. I went home and laid down, crying my eyes out as I was so scared.
Since then, I've had a panic attack every day - the other day I had to drive to the train station and back which is an hour and half, and I forgot how to breathe. I thought I was going to crash and die or something. I tried to breathe, but the more I tried the more awful I felt, my chest went tight, the more I tried to breathe normally, the less air I could get in my lungs etc - my legs went to jelly. When I drove back after picking up my sister, I was fine!
I keep getting jolts in my head since last week, like a head rush, but not really - like someone has a magnet on my head and it's sucking energy out of me. It really scares me, so I end up feeling faint and panicky.
I went to the DRs last week, and they're giving me a blood test tomorrow [to see what this head rush thing is about - are they panic attacks or something else?!] which I feel sick about - I pass out every time, so tonight I'm freaking out, my stomach is churning.
I keep thinking I have some sort of heart problem / brain tumour / cancer and I feel like I'm going mad. I'm a happy girl, with friends, great boyfriend, family, career - but this is all holding me back. It's like a secret torment thing I have going on. I really needed to let this out! I've just had enough. :(
I really need someone to talk to about this. I've always been a very anxious person, since I was a child. I had depression in my teens, and had to drop out of college because of it, however when I met my boyfriend who I've now been with nearly 5 years I've been okay. Several down moments, but no feelings of needing to do anything to harm myself etc. I've always gotten over it in a couple of days.
My anxiety has slowly been creeping back... having a bad stomach every morning, worrying when I have to go out for a night out with friends, worrying all the time what people think of me etc etc. [butterflies, feeling sick, stomach churning, feeling sweaty and clammy]
Last year I had my first panic attack - I was in bed, and it just came out of no where. I was shaking, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would come out my chest, I was crying, couldn't breathe, everything hurt, my chest hurt etc. It was terrifying and because I thought I was having a heart attack it wouldn't stop for a long time. I felt very shaky for about a week after that.
Couple of months later I had another one, I had had a lot of drink and I had one when coming back from the loo, out of no where, I blacked out and woke up on the floor, with my arm bruised to hell as I hit the coffee table when I fainted.
Since then I've been obsessively checking my pulse every day, and it's always racing. I also get palpitations a lot - it races when I've eaten dinner, or I could be lying in bed reading, perfectly relaxed, and it just thuds really loudly like it's stopped for a moment - none of this helps my anxiety. They gave me 10mg beta blockers for this last year, but I don't think they did anything, they made me more aware of my heart beat more than ever, plus I had a crappy dr when I went back for some more, saying I shouldn't be having them at my age, thus I stopped taking them.
Then, last week I was just standing at the checkout with my boyfriend in the supermarket, when my legs turned to jelly, I felt shaky, my heart was racing, I was covered in sweat, so I went to sit down -I felt so faint. I went home and laid down, crying my eyes out as I was so scared.
Since then, I've had a panic attack every day - the other day I had to drive to the train station and back which is an hour and half, and I forgot how to breathe. I thought I was going to crash and die or something. I tried to breathe, but the more I tried the more awful I felt, my chest went tight, the more I tried to breathe normally, the less air I could get in my lungs etc - my legs went to jelly. When I drove back after picking up my sister, I was fine!
I keep getting jolts in my head since last week, like a head rush, but not really - like someone has a magnet on my head and it's sucking energy out of me. It really scares me, so I end up feeling faint and panicky.
I went to the DRs last week, and they're giving me a blood test tomorrow [to see what this head rush thing is about - are they panic attacks or something else?!] which I feel sick about - I pass out every time, so tonight I'm freaking out, my stomach is churning.
I keep thinking I have some sort of heart problem / brain tumour / cancer and I feel like I'm going mad. I'm a happy girl, with friends, great boyfriend, family, career - but this is all holding me back. It's like a secret torment thing I have going on. I really needed to let this out! I've just had enough. :(