Any reassurance

[newdad]

Hi folks,

I'm new to this but feeling really desperate. I became a dad for the first time two months ago. My wife had a wee boy who is perfect in every way and very healthy. It was a planned pregnancy and my wife and I were both delighted.

My problem is almost too embarrassing to describe. We always struggled to settle on a boys name before the birth (we didn't know the sex), but agreed on my middle name (Mackenzie) which was also my grandmothers maiden name and has strong family connections. I was never 100% sure but my wife adores it, as do all my friends and family.

However from the moment he was born I have felt we have made a mistake for a variety of reasons and this has now developed to the extent that I have been off work for a month, am on medication, attending CBT and going to see a psychiatrist.

My worry is that I will always have these doubts and will not be able to fully bond with my son.

I suppose I'l looking for reassurance from anyone who has had anything like similar experience with overwhelming fixations, as I need to know they will go and I will be back to my normal self in the future.

I have had problems with anxiety/stress/depression in the past but never to this extent and nver requiring medical attention.

Thanks.

[Lynnann]

Hi newdad,

I think with treatment you will get to a normal future! I think mackenzie is a great name it is also my grandmothers maiden name. I am sure his friends will shorten it anyway, know they did with my kids!! You will bond with your son it just takes a little time sometimes when we have other problems. Remember you have lots of time to bond with your son. A lifetime in fact. Talking of sons must go see mine!

Lynnann

[hayles]

Hi and welcome.
I am no expert, but could it not be the name that is really causing all the anxiety, more like just the change in life style and the huge effect a baby has.

I think you will be fine, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things to get help.

Good luck and enjoy.

Ps....i hope that didnt come across in the wrong way??!!

Hay x

[newdad]

Hay,

i would love to agree that I'm overwhelmed by fatherhood, but these feelings have been there since theMOMENT we named him, which is what causes me the anxiety.

[Piglet]

Mackenzie is a gorgous name, he's bound to be something just wonderful - it's just so utterly classy and all the more so because it has an authenticity about it that you just can't contrive.

Right having got that off my chest how about you tell us why you think this name is causing you such issues. Having reproduced 3 new humans myself over the years I know that your head can be all over the place - mine still is nearly 20 years later.

If you don't think it is that then tell us a bit of why and maybe we can help?

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[hayles]

Well maybe i am way off.
But as Piglet says you need to expalin a little more
as i agree what a fab name. There must be something deeper to cause you such destress!

Oh and a quick one - how'd you get the CBT referal so quick?

Hay x

[newdad]

Thanks guys,

It's great to have support. Right, you asked about the reasons I'm doubting his name, so prepared to be bored/surprised etc, etc

I think Mackenzie is too long a name. It's 3 syllables, and most boys names are one or two. therefore it does not roll off the tongue like most names. Other names which are longer (Timothy, Christopher, Benjamin etc) have very common shortened versions, whereas "Mac", which I originally loved as a shortened form, now seems silly to me. I am Scottish and live in Scotland by the way.

It has 9 letters - hard for him to write when he's at school and long for him to sign when he's older.

Despite meaning "Son of the wise leader" and Mac meaning "Son of", it has become popular as a girl's name. I'm worried that the trend for it to be very popular girls name in America will continue over here and he will grow up with a "girls name".

it is more common as a surname. Despite most boys name's being also surnames, Mackenzie is not a common christian name, and I don't want him to be teased for having a silly name.

So, having chosen a name because it had family connections and was less common, I am now wishing we had just chosen a common name so a my son would fit in.

as I said before, we have had SO many compliments about his name and my wife adores it, so is this just anxiety getting the better of me? Are these obsessonal thoughts normal?

PS. I got CBT quick because I work for the NHS and am off work, so we get it free through occupational health. I had a counsellor before but thought CBT was a better option.

[Piglet]

Thanks for that hun - I still have exactly the same opinion as did earlier, its a fab fab name!!!!

Shortened to Mac is still fab!! I would honestly try and let this go mate, I know it can be hard when we fixate on something that is important to us and our kids are VERY important.

If when he's older this girly name thing that you predict might happen, well then if he doesn't like it he can change it or use his middle name himself.

For what it's worth I think this has become the focus for what is actually your general level of anxiety and I would work on that for the moment and enjoy the arrival of the little legs!

Many congratulations to you and your wife! :D:D:D

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[chillx]

Hi

Congratulations on the birth of your son. I also live in Scotland and know a baby boy called Mackenzie. I think it is a lovely name and I am confident he will have know worries about his name when he is older.

I think you should try and put this behind you and enjoy your son.



chillx

[magicsheep]

Hi,

I had three children and all of them have three names each. I did this so that they could choose which one they wanted to be known by when they got older.
Do you think you are using it as a focus of your anxiety? Our brains work in strange ways and because your unsure your mind has gone into overtime? Just a thought.
MacKenzie is a cool name but 100 people could tell you the same thing and you probably aren't convinced.
My youngest had a uncommon name, it has only recently got more popular, but like i said she has two others to choose from if she doesn't like it.

Take Care

Magicsheep x


If you don't want to do it you'll find an excuse. If you want to do it, you will!

[net]

magicsheep has a good idea

my daughter is called kathleen (i didnt choose the name) when she was little she wanted to be called katie now she's 21 she's called kat

mackenzie will choose what he prefers to be know as when he's older

netty


the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[janie]

Hiya

That's a great name - so unusual but not cutesy if you know what I mean. Rest assured I have three children with very simple names, Tom, Alice and Jim. They have all had nicknames throughout their school days and have all disliked their own name at some point.

My daughter has very curly hair and has been called 'pan scrub'. You see my point - whatever the name (and Mackenzie or Mac is brilliant) it will get changed and twisted because that is what kids do.

In fact I remember wanting to change my name when I was about 13 to something really exotic. But Janie is my name and I'm proud of it. Take care newdad and enjoy your lovely new baby boy - they grown up very quickly so relish this time.

Janie xxxxx

[newdad]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

What maybe didn't come across is that this is an OBSESSION- you know like 24/7.

What i really want to know is if it is due to anxiety and if it wll pass with meds and therapy.

If not, I feel desperate about the future cos I'm a wreck at the moment.

[domino]

HI,i,S EASY FOR ME TO SAY THIS BUT DO,NT GET YOURSELF STRESSED OVER THIS.I have a daughter named STEPHANIE thats 9 letters to . I love this name, but names today change all the time by depole so enjoy the time with your son .REMEMBER OUR CHIDREN ARE ONLY ON LONE TO US.congrats to you and your wife ,happy thoughts lorraine:D

[Piglet]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Thanks for all the replies everyone.

What maybe didn't come across is that this is an OBSESSION- you know like 24/7.

What i really want to know is if it is due to anxiety and if it wll pass with meds and therapy.

If not, I feel desperate about the future cos I'm a wreck at the moment.

<div align="right">Originally posted by newdad - 04 October 2006 : 19:52:45</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Answer is a very simple yes hun!!:D:D:D

Love Piglet xx



"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Humly]

Just wanted to say that I love the name but you have been told this hundreds of times before. At my kids' school there are loads of long and unusual names (not that Mackenzie is unusual) and nobody thinks anything of it. And the name does not have to be shortened to Mac - could be Ken, Kenzie, Kenz etc which are all cool.

I think it is just the anxiety getting the better of you. What happens with me is that I have to have a reason for feeling anxious so I latch onto something and focus all my worrying on that thing, however riduculous it may be. And the thoughts can be 24/7 like you.

You will get over it. It just takes time and you are getting help so that is great.

Don't despair. You are not alone.

[missacorah]

Hi and firstly congrats to you and your partner. I am not just saying this but the name is truly lovely and I am sure your son will have no problems with it especially at school with the spelling etc as its an 'easy to sound out name' which is always good.

In my opinion I think the name issue is just a vent for your anxiety at the moment. Maybe once you'd actually given him a name you looked at him as more of an identity and that made you a bit worried as you realised you were responsible for all aspects of him etc? Just a suggestion, good luck.

[hayles]

Hi.
I also feel it is just something for your anxiety to focus on.
My anxiety is very high at the mo and i dont know why.
My mind id doing 10 to the dozen over everything, and i dont know why. I just hink every now and then the anxiety gremlin gets it claws into us!!!!

I want to know if there really is a full time cure?

Hay x

[newdad]

because this is new to me, I'm really frightened.

I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach, shaking, crying, hanging on to my wife for dear life cos I don;t think I'll get better.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist tonight but I feel nothing will change because these negative feelings about my son's name have taken a hold.

I'm scared about the future - it seems like such a long time and I can't cope with it.

[Lynnann]

hi newdad,

Having a baby is a stressful time so your anxiety is going to be worse! It will lessen with meds and therapy and hard work!

I still love the name and I think mac is a great shortened version. Do try to enjoy your son as they are small for such a short time!

Hoping everything goes ok tonight

Lynnann

[Ma Larkin]

Its a beautiful name. My daughter has just become a godmother to a Mackenzie for the first time. Already he has 2 nick names (Mac and Kenzie), but mum and dad call him Mackenzie. When I first had my daughter I felt just like you, all through pregnancy she was called Kelly Marie, however, when I had her she just didn't look like a Kelly Marie, so I called her Stacey Michelle. She is now 18 and when I get mad at her I sometimes call her Kelly Marie!! Names are wonderful, my middle daughter is called Courtney Paige and my son is called Kian James. Kids all go through phases where they want to be called something else like my 2 youngest now. For some reason Courtney wants to be called Chelsea and Kian wants to be called Stevie (i.e. Stevie Gerrard!!). My name is Lesley, Les for short but my colleagues call me Lee. I've hated my name all my life and so has my mum. My dad was a professional footballer and wanted a son, however he got me, so I had to have a blokes name (no offence to any ladies called Lesley, but this is my story) My mum always says it could have been worse cos had I been a bloke I would have been called Stanley after my grandad!!

I'm sure as time progresses you will learn to love the name as much as I love my kid's names. Wait until you have some more kids and you get all their names mixed up haha!!

Good luck with Mackenzie and a belated 2 month congratulations on his birth. Hope the sleepless nights are easing for you and take care and relish in that beautiful name.

Les, xx