Severe Anxiety Again!

[alicia10]

Hey guys,

I have been suffering with generalised anxiety disorder and OCD severely for about 2 years now. I had a complete breakdown after I came home after my second year University exams (ew...law haha) because I pushed myself way too hard and just completely broke myself! That summer has mostly been blocked from my mind (self preservation I think!) but I was basically in bed, crying, unable to do anything for weeks on end. The thing that really upset me, and that I really couldn't deal with was intrusive thoughts. Hurting someone else is my worst fear in the entire world, and that coupled with feeling like I was losing my mind meant I found it hard to be around anybody. I couldn't eat, had panic attacks every time I even went in the same room as another person....it was just terrible. I saw a psychiatrist and had CBT before I was finally placed on Citalopram. This helped enormously and despite strong opposition from my parents as I was still very ill I returned to Uni and completed my third year. I have since completed a post-grad course and have got a job which starts at the beginning of July.

Throughout these two years things have been much better. I have a fear of losing control even slightly so I haven't drunk any alcohol (not advised as I'm still on the Citalopram anyway!) and I've suffered from chronic fatigue to the point that I have to sleep at least 9 hours a night, but apart from that I've been able to do everything I once did. I've seen my friends, studied and done part-time work. However, I haven't had a full time job because I've always been a student. I have found that the fear of working (as I am so tired all the time) has completely triggered the anxiety and OCD to an extent which I haven't had for the past two years. As I'm anxious about that the intrusive thoughts are coming back and I am just at a loss as to what to do!

I was wondering if anybody has suffered from recurring bouts of anxiety, and how they've dealt with that?

Sorry for the essay, and thanks so much in advance x

[Stormsky]

I think a lot of us suffer recurring bouts...it's how you deal with them that matters...don't start worrying that all the horrible past symptoms will come back, as you will be inviting them back if that's what you concentrate on... Anxiety is just fears..if you fear the thoughts again, you'll get them again...
Concentrate only on all your achievements , keep positive thoughts flowing...

[smartie76]

Anxiety can come and go, mine has for years -the secret is to just think "oh, here we go again, it's only temporary, I've been here before, and it WILL wear off again". (and it does). Yours is a very common fear,and is usually the one suffered by sensitive souls who wouldn't hurt a fly, so please just try to see as just a very common fear, (which it is), and then it will lose its power to scare you. (I have read about it in several books)
Hope you do well in your new job, and if it is too much, then be honest with yourself and just look for a part time one instead. I wish you luck, and take care.

[PunkyFish]

Hey guys,

I have been suffering with generalised anxiety disorder and OCD severely for about 2 years now. I had a complete breakdown after I came home after my second year University exams (ew...law haha) because I pushed myself way too hard and just completely broke myself! That summer has mostly been blocked from my mind (self preservation I think!) but I was basically in bed, crying, unable to do anything for weeks on end. The thing that really upset me, and that I really couldn't deal with was intrusive thoughts. Hurting someone else is my worst fear in the entire world, and that coupled with feeling like I was losing my mind meant I found it hard to be around anybody. I couldn't eat, had panic attacks every time I even went in the same room as another person....it was just terrible. I saw a psychiatrist and had CBT before I was finally placed on Citalopram. This helped enormously and despite strong opposition from my parents as I was still very ill I returned to Uni and completed my third year. I have since completed a post-grad course and have got a job which starts at the beginning of July.

Throughout these two years things have been much better. I have a fear of losing control even slightly so I haven't drunk any alcohol (not advised as I'm still on the Citalopram anyway!) and I've suffered from chronic fatigue to the point that I have to sleep at least 9 hours a night, but apart from that I've been able to do everything I once did. I've seen my friends, studied and done part-time work. However, I haven't had a full time job because I've always been a student. I have found that the fear of working (as I am so tired all the time) has completely triggered the anxiety and OCD to an extent which I haven't had for the past two years. As I'm anxious about that the intrusive thoughts are coming back and I am just at a loss as to what to do!

I was wondering if anybody has suffered from recurring bouts of anxiety, and how they've dealt with that?

Sorry for the essay, and thanks so much in advance x

Hi

I know exactly what you're going through. I started having anxiety/panic attacks with depression periods when I first started University but was able to cope with it. Despite the constant worrying and feeling anxious I pushed myself in my first year and ended up doing well. During the summer I worked part time in a shop which was fine. About a month before I went back to University I had a complete breakdown which involved me staying in my room for about three weeks and crying before my parents forced me to go to the doctors. I was put on med's and picked myself up within a few weeks and ended up going back to University for the second year. My second year was great! however my third year was not so great and ended up having the anxiety for most of the year but again I managed to pull myself through. My anxiety lessened when I was job hunting. However my anxiety again was triggered by having interviews/starting a new job.

This was the first full time job I had as I've been a student since leaving University. Before I started my panic attacks/anxiety was there. I tried my best not to let it get to me. When you feel the thoughts coming try and force yourself to do something to try and take your mind off them. I'm not going to lie I found the first two weeks of the job tough. My office hours were 9-6 everyday and after work I would come home, have dinner, take a shower and be in bed at half seven! But after the two weeks went past I really began to settle in and felt at home. Give yourself time and take it slowly. If your worried about the fatigue then maybe tell your employer how you feel if you want to. I would go to the doctors to see if they could help you about your fatigue/anxiety.

All the best. :)

[bagpuss75]

Punkyfish - I use the 'just keep swimming' as well - love it!

I've suffered from anxiety for years, and I'm now late 30s. It's crippling me inside, but outside I don't let it show.
I know I'm damaging my health doing this, so am desperately looking at how to cope with it in a healthier way.
I hope you find a way to get through.

[Emphyrio]

Hi Alicia,

You sound just like me. I too have OCD, generalised anxiety (with a bit of depression thrown in) and my worst fear is either to hurt someone else or myself. I remember I first had these thoughts in my 2nd year of uni (I was washing a knife at the sink and thought how easy it would be to stab one of my housemates). Of course, at the time I wondered what was wrong with me - I had to be a monster to think these thoughts, right? But since then I've recognised that these thoughts are surprisingly common.

As for ways you can manage these thoughts - have you tried keeping your central nervous system as calm as possible? I know you said you need to sleep a lot of hours - however, caffeine, in my case, made me feel much more physically anxious/agitated, and whenever I felt like this, the violent thoughts came back. When I've felt physically anxious something like a cup of chamomile tea and a short walk can do wonders - try it.

I would also get a good OCD book like "The Imp of the Mind" and follow one of the exposure/response prevention techniques in there. The aim of the technique is to basically write down the worst possible scenario, record it, and play it back to yourself for an hour a day as a way of basically boring yourself of it. The principle works like watching a horror film - you may be shocked and scared when you first watch it but after you've watched it 10 or 20 times you wonder why you were worried about it in the first place.

Good luck - by all means don't let the thoughts stop you from going for the job. The fear of working is simply the OCD 'Imp' trying to sabotage your plans and stop you doing what you want to do - don't feed it or listen to it!

[peelio81]

Hey,
I've had panic disorder since I was 16ish (Now 32). I've had some ups and downs in those years but was put on citalopram for 2 1/2 years and they sorted me right out. The doc said to go off them in january this year and i've been ok until the last month or so. The panic attacks have started to come back but more worryingly I have violent thoughts.
I'm not sure if you're the same but these thoughts aren't angry but more like the way Emphyrio described, "how easy it would be to stab one of my housemates" just random. My recent thoughts have been when i'm in a bar having a pint and i'll think "I could just throw this pint at someone". It's so scary because I am completely not violent, infact if a fight breaks out in a pub I get an instant panic attack! The thought of throwing the pint was so strong that I had to just leave the pub after taking a few sips

In any case I am glad that these thoughts are fairly common cause I thought that I was going insane. Back to the doctors next week and see what he says.

All the best Alicia :)