Do I go back on Antidepressants?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hello my fellow anxiety buddies, hope we are all doing well today.

Just looking for some advice and guidance here as I'm really not sure what to do.

I came off Sertraline about 4 months ago after being on it for about 6 months, I was on Citalopram for a couple of months before that but switched to Sertraline as the Citalopram just seemed to be making me worse. So all together I was on Anti depressants for around 8 or 9 months. Sertraline helped me out of a really dark place, where I had non stop anxiety and panic, the likes of which mental and emotional pain I never thought was possible. It got me to where I was more calm and could accept my physical and mental symptoms as anxiety and stopped me thinking I was dying constantly. I was still far from normal though and was anxious a lot of the time but I was a lot better than when this all started. I never felt quite right on Sertraline, my head was always extremely foggy, my memory was so bad it was scary, my hair started to fall out (not sure if that was the meds or stress) along with other side effects. So i decided to come off in the hope I could continue on my recovery without the anti depressants. I weaned off very slowly and took my last pill at the start of February.

Since then I have been pretty much the same, I haven't fully relapsed but I still have quite bad anxiety every day. I have tried to start jobs and failed, given up after a day or 2 on both occasions due the my anxiety. So I just haven't really got anywhere, im stuck doing nothing every day at home and don't seem to be making any improvements, if anything the past few weeks I feel myself gradually getting worse. I have been waiting for CBT for months and had a call today and I will be having an assessment on the phone on the 11th of July, so that's something that I hope will help.

Now to the question, do I go back on to anti depressants? I have been back to the doctors today to discuss how im feeling and said im thinking about going back on medication. I said I would like to try a different Anti depressant from the last 2 I was on. So I have been perscribed Paroxetine/Paxil. Now I just don't know what to do, I don't want to be on meds my whole life as I worry what they do to the brain but I don't feel I am getting anywhere at all at the moment so I may have to start these meds. I'm sure I have read that Paroxetine is notoriously hard to come off so that worries me. Has anyone withdrawn from this med successfully?

Do I wait for CBT and see if that helps before going back on meds or do I go back on meds and then do the CBT aswell to try and hit the anxiety from all angles to try and beat it? I am greatfull I am not in that hellish place I was nearly a year ago when this anxitey/breakdown started but I am still nowhere near normal, I am anxious, depressed, fed up, angry, agitated every day and wouldn't say I have had one day where ive felt normal or good since this all started. I still cant live a normal life or leave the house and do normal things without severe anxiety and random physical symptoms so i do need some help. Just don't know where to go from here, what do I do?

Thank you for reading and any advice or ideas would be great guys. Sorry for the long winded post.

[Munchlet]

Hi there

I had to reply to your post as I've been having a similar dilemma and actually started taking Sertraline last night.

I was on Paxil a very long time ago but only for about 6 months, I found it really good and I did have some side effects coming off but nothin major and to be honest I think I just don't withdraw well from drugs. I have a horrendous time coming off Prozac and that's meant to be one of the easiest ones to withdraw from.

I just remember feel a bit spacy and bit lightheaded but the symptoms were fairly short lived.

It is difficult I've been on and off anti-depressants for years and beginning to think I'm never going to get off of them but then again I think how miserable I am when I'm not on them and how much I struggle and think what's the point. Isn't it easier to just try and find something that keeps my anxiety and bay and enables me to live a happier life.

I had the conversation with my doctor the other day saying I was worried that I'd be stuck on them forever and she said "the effects of the anxiety on your health would be far worse than taking a tablet everyday" so I just keep thinking that.

Hope you feel better soon with whatever you decide.

take care x

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks Munchlet

[Stormsky]

Personally I'd give it longer without meds... I took meds for 11 yrs, went through hell coming off them, must have been at least 6 months before I felt something like myself again... And yes i was tempted many times to start them again..but i was determined to last it out.....It's been 2 yrs now off them, never felt better.
But that's me personally , you should have a good think about what you want to do, I know for some people meds are lifesavers.
I always worried what exactly they are doing long term to the brain..and my doc told me long term can cause damage to central nervous system .

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks Stormsky, yea I do worry what sort of damage they may do to the brain with long term use, or even what they could do from short term use, so where possible I would like to avoid them. When I went on them before I could literally not go another day feeling that way so I felt I had no other choice, im not in that state now but im still not able to live a normal life. I do know they do help so many people but I try stay off them until I see no other options.

I was thinking maybe as last time I went on the meds they helped me go from my worst ever to where I am now to a better place but still with many anxiety problems. So I thought maybe if I went on them again when im a little more stable, I could actually use them to make big improvements to get to a much better place and then come off them and hopefully stay there. Hope that makes sense lol.

But I do think I am leaning towards going a little longer med free. I am going to really try and push myself for the next month, live healthy, try get out and about more, do whatever I can. Also I have the CBT coming up so that may help. Its just hard as I still don't feel at all right and dont seem to be getting any better.

Very glad to hear your feeling so good after being off them for 2 years, that gives me some beleif it can be down and well done you :)

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Still in a pickle of up and down anxiety and not really getting anywhere. Still not sure if I should start the meds or where I should go from here. Someone help me decide haha, useless at making decisions I just go round in circles.

[Stormsky]

What have you been doing the last week to help yourself?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Been going to the gym every day in the week, eating healthy etc, which I do anyway. Applying for jobs but not much luck with that so far. Walk the dog etc. But thats it I guess, would like to go out more doing more challenging things and seeing friends but I dont have the money to do that at the moment.

Not sure what else I can do to start making more progress. Still waiting on CBT.

[Stormsky]

Maybe some voluntary work until you get job?
The satisfaction from helping others, meeting people, the distraction , getting you out of the house..

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Yea that is an idea which has been mentioned to me a couple of times and I keep meaning to look into it, I guess im just to lazy and selfish to push myself to do something that I don't see as benefiting me or earning me any money (another issue I need to sort out). But I suppose it could help me anyway in terms of improving my anxiety and getting the satisfaction of helping others.

[Stormsky]

Pick something you'd enjoy helping out on...

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I had a reasonably good day yesterday, felt a bit better than usual so was thinking a bit more positively, as the night set in a started to feel a little worse, anxious and light headed. Now I have woken up today and I feel crap, can feel anxiety trying to rise, but im not overly anxious, my head just feels cloudy and i feel fed up with everything. Hayfever doesn't help either.

I no its only 2 days that ive just mentions but this pattern goes on and on and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. If there are no improvements by the end of July im going back on meds, not sure which med to go on though.