I feel as though my intrusive thoughts are taking over my life...

[HappyAce]

This is extremely embarassing to write. but, I need help.
My entire life nothing has knocked me down. I used to crack jokes about everthing and make people smile. I still do, but it's forced. My dad calls me a rock. Until recently I agreed with him. I started having sexual intrusive thoughts about my grandmother a couple of months ago. It was so terrible. I was in the car with my family, when I had a panic attack while trying to block the thoughts out. I didn't tell anyone it was happening, I just let it happen. A week after that I started having ones about my sister. I decided to just let them happen like the internet told me and they got less vivid, but they soon developed into guilt. I couldn't be in the same room and sometimes I would think I'm attracted to her (Even though it kind of grosses me out to think I ever would be) and I would abruptly leave the room. Then, I started thinking because my sister is younger maybe I'm a pedophile. Now I can't look at children without cringing. If there's a molester on T.V I freak out and think that he's going to be me. I also get thoughts that I'm gay and I'm 100% not. I'll be with a male friend and think about having oral sex. I don't find the pleasurable at all.
I used to want I daughter when I got older, but now it frightens me to the core that I will have these thoughts about her. I used to want to write, but I can't focus on writing anymore.Not without the thoughts sneaking into my head. I can't even masturbate or think about anything remotely sexual without an unwanted image popping up. I have to stop and do something else. If I tell my Dad what's happening, he'll think I'm insane and tell me to read my bible, which doesn't help. If anything, I think I'm going to hell which makes my anxiety go through the roof. I read in the bible "So is the mind as is the heart" and almost cried. It basically told me I am this terrible person. My mom is a nurse and suffers despression and anxiety. Maybe I could talk to her? But, she'd lead me in the wrong direction I feel. She relies soley and meds. I don't want that. What do I do?

[Invisibletouch]

Hi there.....I am sorry that you're suffering from intrusive thoughts. Over the years of helping Ocd sufferers who have intrusive thoughts, nothing suprises me or shocks me when it comes to the human brain and the thoughts it can produce. When it hits it usually picks on the things we love the most, or the things we fear the most. Whereas most people may have a thought pop into their head that maybe bizarre, they can know it is just that and disregard it. When anxiety causes intrusive thoughts the brain cannot just shut them off but just keeps firing them around making the anxiety about them increase. As has happened with you it can go from one person or thing to another. Just when one thought has lessened another comes along.
It is not an easy thing to deal with. As you say, learning to just let the thoughts be there and carry on just letting them do their worst until it lessens off is the answer and comes with practice. Thats sounds easy to say but is not always easy to do. Its also not easy to find someone to talk to that you can trust, thats why sometimes talking to a CBT specialist is the best thing. They have heard it all before, and will help you to cope with the thoughts.
Lastly, please don't worry about the Bible reading. You are not a terrible person. It is not referring to anyone who has these types of problems believe me. My faith has always given me strength to cope.
Take care.....

[PanchoGoz]

Great post above.
Someone recently posted about something very similar, linked in with Christian teachings (dare I say? in Britain we don't take the heaven and hell part so literally). A problem is that your fear keeps the thoughts alive in your head as you are checking for them and watching for them. Throw in the constant fear that these thoughts are sending you to hell, and it becomes unbearable.
You can get therapy for this, and it's important to remember that it's not your thoughts that make you who you are, it's your actions.

---------- Post added at 15:46 ---------- Previous post was at 15:45 ----------

Have a look at this one too http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=136477

[SeroxVet]

You should definitely seek professional help. It's a good first step that you've sought advice here as it shows you are acknowledging you have a problem. I'm no expert, but here's what I'm thinking. It sounds to me like your upbringing may be linked to what you're experiencing. You're a 16 year old guy. So basically you've been thinking about sex a lot for the past what, 3 or 4 years at least. All absolutely normal stuff. But you didn't see it that way perhaps due to your religious upbringing. You felt it was wrong and it made you feel guilty etc. That was the start of your problems. Most guys don't feel that way and so continue to have normal sexual thoughts for, well, the rest of their lives. But because you've felt guilty about it I think you've sort of condemned yourself as some sort of depraved person and so you are having these thoughts as if to confirm your own very flawed view of yourself. This is exactly the kind of thing that CBT can tackle very effectively so I suggest you speak to your doc and get to see a counsellor/therapist who can help you.