Abandoned by my partner

[Regina]

Feeling a bit low and wondering what to do. Yesterday I had a complete breakdown and had to stay home from work because I couldn't get up. I just couldn't move. I was collapsed on the floor crying and became numb and frightened.

I've been trying to explain to my partner my panic disorder and I turned to him for some comfort and to explain what was happening to me. Basically, he just sort of told me to take care of myself and hoped all was ok. Despite the fact that since all of that I've had my mother go into the hospital and had my car broken into, which is stress on top of stress, he has said not one word to me to check in, ask if I'm ok, or anything.

He's been so caring up to this point but now that I'm having a hard time, he seems to have bolted. It's a horrible feeling. I have friends checking up on me to make sure I'm ok and by comparison, his actions are causing me a lot of added stress. I want to address it but don't want to bring on another bout of severe depression by causing an argument or worse.

I'm not even sure if I'm asking for advice or what, just upset, though today just seems absurd after everything. More than anything I'm really angry at the uncaring attitude especially when I need support the most. Thanks for listening...

Regina x

[Rennie1989]

I would definitely talk to him. You sound like you have a lot on your plate, which I truly sympathise, and he should be there to help. Explain to him how your mum going to hospital and your car being broken in to has exacerbated your panic disorder and you need him to be more caring and to listen to you. Tell him that you need to feel like he does care.

[onceagain]

Poor Regina...I am so sorry for you I have just posted a reply to say I suffer from agitated panic/anxiety and agoraphobia the stem of it is my ex partner... he kept leaving me and lying to me and even though I ended the relationship out of fear ...the symptoms have all kicked in mainly because i love him ....I tried to tell him how bad I am getting but he has said he doesn't want to know that he feels that I am emotionally blackmailing him ...which i'm not ..but like you I feel heart broken that one minute he said he loved me and the next he can't even be civil and check that I'm okay...

If you have normally a really good relationship then I would say speak to him... not sure if you are saying he is responding but not nicely or whether he is not in communication now at all...but I do understand what you are going through if you need to PM then don't hesitate x

[Regina]

Thank you guys for your responses. You are a blessing!
It truly means a lot to have someone there.

My mom's just been moved to intensive care so I'm feeling very anxious now.

I will try to message him again, but so far, not a word. It just seems like if he cared at all for me, he'd at least try. For now, I'm just going to focus on staying calm and trying to deal with mom and hope he comes around. I find thinking about him is exacerbating things.

xoxo
Regina

[Rennie1989]

In the meantime I would be there for your mum. I'm so sorry to hear the news about her. If your boyfriend won't care then forget him. Your mum needs you at the moment.

[Regina]

Yes. My whole day now is about my mom. My stomach has gone and I've had a few crying fits, but I'm rallying the family and hoping for the best.

Thanks for the support...it's sorely needed! :)

[meche]

Sending big hugs Regina and hoping your mum gets well soon. As for your boyfriend, you definitely need to talk to him. If anything, you need to know where you stand. It's not fair for him to blow hot and cold like that - it's only added stress for you. Stress you don't need! Hope you get the answers you want and need. xx

[Regina]

...and the second I gave up on him, he called and tried to be supportive, saying that he's trying to learn to deal with it but will make some mistakes. It was encouraging though I can't help but think that his opinion of me has changed a lot due to this...I don't know what's to come. At any rate it was finally a bit of good today. The stress rate is especially high! Thanks for the support :)

[LucyR]

At the end of the day, we can only be ourselves, its finding the understanding partners that is the difficult bit.

[Female healthanxiety]

Hello Regina,

Am so sorry you are going through this right now – please remember we have ALL been through it and you WILL get through it – don’t be a stranger to the site and come back as there is a lot of support on here 

Some men unfortunately are not caring (women can be as well of course) and the saying goes Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus is the perfect saying – some men (a lot) do not know how to express there emotional and caring side.

I am going through stuff as well and my partner would rather sit there quiet then talk to me about them, so now I just talk to my girlfriends, otherwise he would be another added stress. Why not write him a letter about how you are feeling?

I have found through life that some people are better at certain things then others


xx

[Regina]

Thank you Lucy and Fh. I've been trying to take all that into account and I was truly hoping that things were improving as it seemed like it. There was some good communication.

The past few days, my mother has become much worse and a lot of my energy has gone into keeping it together during that, lots of family stuff and messages, phone calls and the like. Now it looks as if he's bolted again. Disappeared. Not answering, not checking up, just more drive-by well-wishes of a very short nature. The stress of all of it took it's toll tonight. I've been on the floor unable to breathe, having chest pains and crying non stop for over two hours.

It's funny that all that runs through my mind when these attacks hit is "Please don't leave me alone", because I always seem to be. Alone seems to be the order of the day lately. It may be time to give it up. Comfort is lacking and so I'm back here...

Unfortunately my time zone is way off so the chat room is always empty but you guys make me feel welcome. Thank you ♥

~Regina x

[flori]

Hi Regina,

Sorry to hear you are not too good and your mum is ill.

There are people who care about you when you are getting so many messages and phone calls,

At a time like this your partner should be around supporting you. And sorry to say this Regina, but he is adding to your anxiety and in the long term you are better off without him.

[Crislopes]

just wanted to say im sorry for all your going through a lot at one time hope it gets better soon hope your mom gets better soon also

[Stormsky]

I can imagine its hard for our partners, if they never suffered depression or Anx.
I know I never understood at all how someone could be so depressed, before I suffered that is... My best friend killed herself when we were 23 .. I couldn't understand it at all..
And it must be hard for them to be around us at times..
I always tried to think what my hubby must be feeling...they love you and there's nothing they can do .. Apart from just trying to support..Must be frustrating for them too...
Have a read of below
http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/advice_to_partners.html

[Regina]

Thank you, Stormsky for the link. It's a good article and there are a few more on that site I must say.

Some days I wonder how much of a drain I must be and I hate realizing that a lot of the time I'm no fun anymore, but I do go out of my way, no matter how I'm feeling to be a good and supportive listener for him when he has trouble, which he does, often. So, it does add to the anxiety and quite frankly, breaks my heart. Anyway, it'll work itself out.

Thanks for the ear and the wonderful comments...

[Stormsky]

Thank you, Stormsky for the link. It's a good article and there are a few more on that site I must say.

Some days I wonder how much of a drain I must be and I hate realizing that a lot of the time I'm no fun anymore, but I do go out of my way, no matter how I'm feeling to be a good and supportive listener for him when he has trouble, which he does, often. s...

I always made sure I went out of my way to be there for my hubby too..at the end of the day we cant neglect our relationships too... It can't always be me me me....:D