mat74
20-06-13, 20:26
Evening all, I hope you are all well. I have not posted on here for a couple of years as my anxiety, panic attacks and depression has been under control ... that is until last week.
We all try to find a trigger to our feelings and I now know what mine is - being away from home in a foreign country, telling yourself you are going to be ill to the point you actually are and it is game over!
A little background - booked to go to on a 4 day European break with 3 other friends leaving TOMORROW - booked flights and hotel 3 months ago, all fine, really looking forward to it - BANG, Monday a panic attack, anxiety and sweating, palpitations, headache, stomach pains and so on - all in the lead up to holiday as I convinced myself I would be ill when away. I let it go thinking I would be OK - was due to stay at friends tonight for morning flight and this morning felt awful and cancelled saying I had a bad infection as I didn't want to say it was "anxiety" as they would simply say "pull yourself together"
Since Monday I have hardly eaten, been sleeping a lot and depressed, once I cancelled by mood was better and hey ho, I feel a lot better. WHY? It is such a waste when I was looking forward to it so why has this happened? I know going away is the 'trigger' as a few years back I felt the same before I went to the USA and spent 10 days 'on edge' hardly eating and going trough the motions rather than enjoying the experience - as soon as I landed in the UK, bang, I was fine - its like I tell myself if I go away I WILL be ill and I WONT ENJOY IT.
I have now decided that until I get myself sorted out no more holidays will be booked - I cannot go through this any more.
Some background - I had a bad panic attack about 6 years ago and was rushed to hospital from work - I thought I was having a heart attack. Since then I have been on 20mg Citalopram which seemed to work but I have never been reviewed so maybe they are not working as well as before? I have moved a few times and so have had new GP's so maybe it was my fault for not following it up but I intend to early next week.
I also had counseling for a while a few years back and I am thinking of asking for some more. I know what my 'trigger' is so I need a way of dealing with it otherwise I will never be able to go away again!
Adding to this in the last year my Father was diagnosed with Lymphoma (now in remission after chemotherapy) and 4 months ago I was made redundant from my job of 18 years (more triggers?)
Sorry for going on but I am upset, angry and feel a failure and cannot seem to have any fun due to this debilitating stinking 'illness' that is ruining my well deserved social activities. I now have to sit at home whilst friends are on holiday and it has brought me to tears.
Anyone else in similar situations now or in the past? If so how did you overcome them?
Regards
We all try to find a trigger to our feelings and I now know what mine is - being away from home in a foreign country, telling yourself you are going to be ill to the point you actually are and it is game over!
A little background - booked to go to on a 4 day European break with 3 other friends leaving TOMORROW - booked flights and hotel 3 months ago, all fine, really looking forward to it - BANG, Monday a panic attack, anxiety and sweating, palpitations, headache, stomach pains and so on - all in the lead up to holiday as I convinced myself I would be ill when away. I let it go thinking I would be OK - was due to stay at friends tonight for morning flight and this morning felt awful and cancelled saying I had a bad infection as I didn't want to say it was "anxiety" as they would simply say "pull yourself together"
Since Monday I have hardly eaten, been sleeping a lot and depressed, once I cancelled by mood was better and hey ho, I feel a lot better. WHY? It is such a waste when I was looking forward to it so why has this happened? I know going away is the 'trigger' as a few years back I felt the same before I went to the USA and spent 10 days 'on edge' hardly eating and going trough the motions rather than enjoying the experience - as soon as I landed in the UK, bang, I was fine - its like I tell myself if I go away I WILL be ill and I WONT ENJOY IT.
I have now decided that until I get myself sorted out no more holidays will be booked - I cannot go through this any more.
Some background - I had a bad panic attack about 6 years ago and was rushed to hospital from work - I thought I was having a heart attack. Since then I have been on 20mg Citalopram which seemed to work but I have never been reviewed so maybe they are not working as well as before? I have moved a few times and so have had new GP's so maybe it was my fault for not following it up but I intend to early next week.
I also had counseling for a while a few years back and I am thinking of asking for some more. I know what my 'trigger' is so I need a way of dealing with it otherwise I will never be able to go away again!
Adding to this in the last year my Father was diagnosed with Lymphoma (now in remission after chemotherapy) and 4 months ago I was made redundant from my job of 18 years (more triggers?)
Sorry for going on but I am upset, angry and feel a failure and cannot seem to have any fun due to this debilitating stinking 'illness' that is ruining my well deserved social activities. I now have to sit at home whilst friends are on holiday and it has brought me to tears.
Anyone else in similar situations now or in the past? If so how did you overcome them?
Regards