First Post Back After Seven Months

[Edward_1980]

Although I am highly anxious today, this post if more of an apology to the people I hurt back all those months ago. I did lie on a few things, I admit that, but I did tell the truth about the depression and anxiety that I suffer from. My apologies to Fozzy, Annie and Laura for a start. I never meant to hurt anyone, that wasn't my intention. I am so sorry and I hope that you guys can find it in your hearts to forgive me, and if not, I understand 100%.

So,
Last December after a hospital admission I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a Mood Disorder. I have had a hard time coming to terms with that and have had exactly five admissions to the Psychiatric ward since. I am currently on a lot of Medication:

Prozac (20mg)
Haloperidol (5mg Twice Daily)
Seroquel (300mg)
Lyrica (150mg Twice Daily)
Clopixol Injection (200mg Weekly)

I'm not looking for anyone to forgive me, hell no. I now realize that I caused a lot of chaos on the Forum with my anger back then. I can assure you that I am functioning normally on the medication and trying to live m,y life as bast as I can.

Laura and Annie: My heart felt apologies. I can now explain to you girls what happened. I became terrified that ye would abandon (Part of BPD) me so I made stuff up to keep ye as my friend. I now realize that I should never have done that. My apologies once again. I do actually hope that we can be friends again, but it that's not to be I will take responsibility and accept that. Ye have every right to be angry with me.

Fozzy: I can't put in to words how sorry I am for insulting you. I was all over the place and saw you as a threat to my friendships on the Forum. I now realize that you were just looking out for them and I am so sorry.

Today I am having panic attacks. I accidentally took a sleeping pill to relax and a Tylex (Paracetamol and Codeine) for the back pain I have and now I'm full of panic and terrified that my heart will stop. I went to a Neighbours party on the 23th of DEcember last year and drank too much. I had a fall down the start, punctured my lung and broke my pelvis. I was in hospital for 5 weeks and spent another month learning to walk again without the help of crutches. They had a chest drain in the re-inflate the lung and that was actually a lot more painful than the actual pelvis.

So, that's how I have been doing over the past seven months and as you can see I am a lot more stable and ready to face my demons. Once again, my heartfelt apologies to anyone that I offended or upset. Thanks to Nicola for allowing me to post here again. I really need it to be honest.:flowers:

[Annie0904]

Thank you for your apology Edward, yes you really hurt and upset me with your lies. Being dishonest to someone is not the way to keep friends and I hope you have realised that now.
Your diagnosis of borderline personality disorder however explains a lot of your behaviour and I am pleased that you are able to admit to this and seek help for it.
Edward I am not a person who holds grudges and I understand that we all have our own demons to beat. I accept your apology and it is good of you to apologise and accept your mistakes which I understand are part of your illness.
I am sorry to hear about your accident and wish you a full recovery with that.

[nomorepanic]

Welcome back Edward.

I don't hold grudges as I told you and you are more than welcome to post again and I am sure people appreciate the apology from you.

[Laura123]

Hi Edward.

This is my first post in a loooooong time. Tbh when Annie told me you came back I initially thought bad of you and I was not interested in speaking to you but something I have realised is that holding grudges feeds anxiety and burdens me so I accept your apology, and I respect you for being so honest on the forum, that can't have been easy. Hope you are in a better place now and genuinely do forgive you x

[Edward_1980]

Annie and Laura,

While I appreciate you two girls accepting my apologies, I completely understand if the two of you want to stay away from me. I know only realise the anxiety I must have caused you two girls. As a sufferer myself, I realise that it can take anything to set someone off and I just wish I realized that back months ago, so once again my heartfelt apologies.

Today: Well, went to the Psychiatrist and got my Clopixol (200mg) and have an appointment with the Doctor for 6.30pm. He was kind enough, even though Aeneas doesn't like it, to give me a three day supply of Zimovane, but they didn't work so am going to ask for something stronger if he will be kind enough. Still in a lot of pain with my pelvis, so taking the Tylex for the moment to help me. I'm highly anxious and have been in bed since I came home from my appointment.

Just feeling depressed over the anxiety and insomnia. I just wish that my brain would shut down on it's own without me having to make Doctor appointments for sleeping pills. Well, that's it for now. Just going to rest until 6.30pm.