W.I.F.T.S.
06-10-06, 10:32
i don't know much about cars, but I know that sometimes they can be running too 'high'- it sounds like it's revving even when you haven't got your foot on the peddle, because it's letting so much petrol through.
That's what I feel like. I feel like I'm running 'high'. I feel like I'm all speeded up and keyed up. All my senses are on a hair trigger, it feels like my metabolism is running very fast, I can't relax, I'm full of adrenaline and primed for action! I have to keep breathing to calm myself down just typing!! Obviously, my mind races and I'm very agitated and irritable.
I suffer from generalised anxiety, which, when I put my foot on the 'peddle' turns into panic attacks. I don't know whether I'm anxious because I suffer from depression and i tend to expect the worst or whether i suffer from depression because I feel deprived of any enjoyment in life because of my anxiety.
At the moment I am starting to see the illness more for what it really is. I know that my thinking is distorted and that I'm seeing things in a very negative way. I know that I am really keyed up, tense and anxious and that there is no need for me to freak out about going into the kitchen or going into town. I can 'imagine' what it would feel like for all the tension to wash away from my body and to feel relaxed and to know that I would feel so much different about situations then.
I know that because of my anxiety and depression I look for things to worry about. I'm much more conscious of my body and the world around me. I ask myself questions such as "how do I know that the world really exists?", "what does the world feel like to someone who's very positive?".
I do feel like I'm starting to wind down, although it's a very slow and bumpy process. I've had generalised anxiety, panic disorder and depression for 4 years. I feel more real now. I don't feel like I have to use my rescue remedy all the time like I used to. I have genuine hope.
It is hard to believe that I will get better and that I won't suffer again, but on the positive side I have really grown whilst having this illness. I'vde discovered that fear isn't an insurmountable roadblock, but an opportunity to grow, I've learnt the imporatance of socialising, I've got sport back in my life, I've discovered voluntary work, I've found an occupation where I feel that I can be satisfied, I'm learning to handle money much better, I'm losing my fear of people, I'm learning the importance of relaxation, I'm learning the importance of lifelong learning, I'm learning to be active rather than passive, I'm learning how to be assertive.....I'm learning so much about myself and techniques that I can use to help myself rather than sabotage myself.
How can I not be a stronger person after this experinece? How can I not be a better person after this experience? Gary Neville (England footballer) said of David Beckham after his red card against Argentina in the Word Cup "He's had to put up with so much since then and he's come through it, what else could he possibly have to worry about?"
I think that about myself. I'm facing the demons that have held me back for so much of my life. If I can overcome them, then what else is there to possibly be scared of?
I do feel that my fear threshold is very low anyway, I'm generally pretty phobic about the world and about life. I need to find a way of pushing that threshold up because it has been that that has been one of the major causes of my persistent depression. I guess there's only one way to do that and that is to face my fears and to see that, not only is there nothing to fear, but there is a buzz to be had from conquering it!!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
That's what I feel like. I feel like I'm running 'high'. I feel like I'm all speeded up and keyed up. All my senses are on a hair trigger, it feels like my metabolism is running very fast, I can't relax, I'm full of adrenaline and primed for action! I have to keep breathing to calm myself down just typing!! Obviously, my mind races and I'm very agitated and irritable.
I suffer from generalised anxiety, which, when I put my foot on the 'peddle' turns into panic attacks. I don't know whether I'm anxious because I suffer from depression and i tend to expect the worst or whether i suffer from depression because I feel deprived of any enjoyment in life because of my anxiety.
At the moment I am starting to see the illness more for what it really is. I know that my thinking is distorted and that I'm seeing things in a very negative way. I know that I am really keyed up, tense and anxious and that there is no need for me to freak out about going into the kitchen or going into town. I can 'imagine' what it would feel like for all the tension to wash away from my body and to feel relaxed and to know that I would feel so much different about situations then.
I know that because of my anxiety and depression I look for things to worry about. I'm much more conscious of my body and the world around me. I ask myself questions such as "how do I know that the world really exists?", "what does the world feel like to someone who's very positive?".
I do feel like I'm starting to wind down, although it's a very slow and bumpy process. I've had generalised anxiety, panic disorder and depression for 4 years. I feel more real now. I don't feel like I have to use my rescue remedy all the time like I used to. I have genuine hope.
It is hard to believe that I will get better and that I won't suffer again, but on the positive side I have really grown whilst having this illness. I'vde discovered that fear isn't an insurmountable roadblock, but an opportunity to grow, I've learnt the imporatance of socialising, I've got sport back in my life, I've discovered voluntary work, I've found an occupation where I feel that I can be satisfied, I'm learning to handle money much better, I'm losing my fear of people, I'm learning the importance of relaxation, I'm learning the importance of lifelong learning, I'm learning to be active rather than passive, I'm learning how to be assertive.....I'm learning so much about myself and techniques that I can use to help myself rather than sabotage myself.
How can I not be a stronger person after this experinece? How can I not be a better person after this experience? Gary Neville (England footballer) said of David Beckham after his red card against Argentina in the Word Cup "He's had to put up with so much since then and he's come through it, what else could he possibly have to worry about?"
I think that about myself. I'm facing the demons that have held me back for so much of my life. If I can overcome them, then what else is there to possibly be scared of?
I do feel that my fear threshold is very low anyway, I'm generally pretty phobic about the world and about life. I need to find a way of pushing that threshold up because it has been that that has been one of the major causes of my persistent depression. I guess there's only one way to do that and that is to face my fears and to see that, not only is there nothing to fear, but there is a buzz to be had from conquering it!!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.