Cerberlity
23-06-13, 18:02
Hello all! I'm new here. I tried to find a problem similar to mine on forum, but failed. I have a problem that literally keeps me alert and uneasy all the time. I'm scared of view and sounds of all working mechanisms, machines, even organs, scared that something might happen to it and it will stop accidentally and cause damage to itself, me, or my family. It started a long time ago, I think, when my father used to drive an old car and finally it broke. I always thought of him as a thoughtful adult, but I lost trust in him and started constantly worrying about him. Same thing with my mom. Adulthood came with a realisation that my parents just couldn't look for themselves and never think ahead - something that I always thought is natural for adults. Then I moved out and started my own life, the distance somehow helped. But then I started to worry about my own health, because I started feeling palpitations in my heart and no one seemed to know why, labs were ok. It resulted in a month of counting my breaths, horrible thing to experience. I couldn't tell about it because I thought that the person I shared it with would start feeling same way and break. Eventually, I started to think that something would happen to my loved ones, not only myself. I kept listening to my husbands breathing and even went to work with him to keep it under control. Yeah, control freak, something like what my neurologist told me, the only doctor I asked for opinion so far. Well, my problem didn't stop there. Now, I'm projecting my worries onto everything. Car, washer, dryer, mixer, dishwasher, even ac. I'm afraid of them breaking suddenly as if person having a heart attack. Us usually what triggers me is some weird, out of place sound, that machine or mixer wasn't making before or it's generally too harsh to tolerate. When I drive, my heart is always racing and nothing can help to relax. Educating myself helps a lot, when I know how something works and what are the limits of it's durability, I can almost manage. But one can not know everything, cause he would end up buried under study books for a lifetime. So, is there anyone suffering from similar problem or knowing how to cope with this sort of things? I just gave birth for my first child and I can't imagine spending my future not only worrying as a regular parent would, but excessively. So far I kept my phobias or anxieties to myself, but if the pressure rose, I'm afraid I would break down. Thank you!