Desirous of Friends, Support, and Coping Skills

[puddingduck]

Hello everyone,

I've signed up here because recently I realised that I suffer from anxiety, in several different forms, and I'm trying to work through it and need an outlet for support. I'm a university student, female, and ready to make my life better.

I know for sure that I have social anxiety, which is something that I work through on a daily basis. I love having friends and doing things with other people, but group events send me into anxiety attacks and really scare me. The idea of socialising, and also failing to socialise well, give me anxiety on a daily basis, too. A recent, really bad break up set off my anxiety worse than ever.

I get anxiety about a lot of general things, like the future, conversations I've had with people, mistakes I (might) make, planning things, etc. I get stomach aches, headaches, shakiness, cold sweats, and obsessive negative thought patterns. Recently I experienced tightness in my chest while feeling panicked that my friend said was probably an anxiety attack, which is what made me realise that I really do have issues to work through.

I've been struggling with some bouts of depression, as well. I find it really difficult to control/regulate my emotions. It affects me internally, rather than affecting my actions. For all of these reasons, I've just started seeing person-centred therapist so I can work through the bad things that I'm feeling and experiencing. I'm also working through several self-help books.

I'm hoping that this forum will help me find some good coping strategies and give me people to talk to about things.

[Stormsky]

:welcome:

[Annie0904]

Hi :welcome:

[ellie14]

Hi Puddingduck :)

I have just joined also and am glad i have found a university student on here ! I am a severe anxiety sufferer who worries a lot like you do about the future that i cannot see and worrying about how i will cope. I am on a gap year before university as i would too scared to go last year but am off in September and i am terrified !

I know everyone is nervous before going but i feel crazy nervous being an anxiety sufferer for 5 years now ! I wonder if you could tell me , was it the same for you ? Were you scared ? I just want to find someone who understands to talk to.

I cant offer coping strategies i'm afraid but i am here for chat.

[puddingduck]

Hi Puddingduck :)

I have just joined also and am glad i have found a university student on here !



Hey there, glad to find a fellow student. I can share my experiences/thoughts with you and hopefully they'll help in some way. :]

I was pretty terrified before starting uni, too. What I did to cope at the beginning was to go to as many freshers events as possible so that I could become familiar with the environment and people without any pressure to do anything. I didn't interact much, I just went along and the student mentors would make conversation with me (it's their job to make you feel comfortable). At my university, at least, people were extremely nice during freshers. You could make friends anywhere you went because everyone is friendless.

The big thing for me throughout the year is knowing my own limits. I want to make friends, but social situations send me into a panic. So I try to stay aware of my comfort zone and make a goal that fits within it. That started out as one social event a week (turned into less than that once the coursework started, but nevermind). I'd go through all the society events for that week and find the one where I knew I could be most successful. I skipped parties/nights out because I wouldn't know what to do in those situations, but if I saw a coffee morning I'd put that in my calendar because it's low-key and I knew that there would be laidback conversation that's easy to get into, no expectations of me, and I could leave early easily. Films are great, too. You go, you look social, but then you're in the dark and don't have to perform. ;]

As for classes, it's all about starting out small and building up your confidence. Try saying one thing in each class and work up to two things until you feel comfortable with the group. And when I'm nervous about talking to teachers, I email them after hours instead.

That's how I cope, basically. My style is to try, try again with social situations even though they scare me. Usually I don't really embarrass myself too much because it turns out that people don't remember me even being there! Don't push yourself too far, but do try.

Was any of that helpful/something you could relate to? Also - there are lots of socially awkward people on my course. We bond over that fact.

[moonlight1974]

Hi puddingduck, i to have also recently joined. From what i have seen this is a huge site. There is plenty of info here for what ails you ;). There are lots of different coping strategies for stress and anxiety and depression. One of my favs is listening to music it connects me with my feelings.

[kipperfish]

Hi!

I'm also a university student (doing a masters in counselling psychology!)

I can so relate to you both, when i moved to uni I made myself physically sick with worry but luckily i found a friend who experienced the same as me and we both helped each other through it all. I never went out on nights out during my undergraduate because the idea of all those people would send me into an anxiety attack. Graduation was horrific for me I didn't eat for about two weeks before because of sheer panic about all those people being there.

I can't offer much support either but talking about it is definitely going to help, something i learnt at hypnotherapy was to just sit there and think of somewhere where you feel completely safe and picture it in your head then if you feel your anxiety building just picture yourself in that place with a remote control with a dial on it which controls how you feel and just turn it down slowly. I know it sounds cheesy but i worked wonders with me!

[ellie14]

Hi ,

Kipperfish that sounds like a good idea actually im going to try it , talking to people on here really does help alleviate some of the worry !

Puddingduck thanks so much for replying to me :) I will try to push myself to do social things as I know that will help . But I think you are right about knowing my own limits , sometimes I push myself too far or give up when I know I could have done something , I am going to have to keep a balance between getting out there and self preservation ! I am the same as you in my approach of try and try again its whats seen my through so far ! I didn't like talking in class in college but built it up slowly so will do again and like you I would email my teachers who were all understanding .

Thanks for the advice , helped a lot !

Knowing other people go to uni who have anxiety and manage to get through makes me feel better about my chances , so thanks guys :)

[Mark13]

Hi puddingduck

Welcome to the forum.

I know just the symptoms you mean. I've had GAD for over 30 years now, but a few years ago it got the the stage where the symptoms were almost constant and there were a lot of obsessive thoughts.

Despite CBT and self help books the only thing that helped me was prescription drugs, unfortuately. First pregabalin, and now duloxetine.

I think it's great when people can deal with their anxiety drug free, but for me they're a marriage saver :)

[imisssuz]

Hi puddingduck
When was you first diagnosed with SA?...I was 15 when I went from being an outgoing lad to not wanting to go anywhere...was finally diagnosed(many reasons why so long)at 33(40 now)and just wanted to know what meds your on as mine(escitalopram atm) are not working at all?

[puddingduck]

Hi puddingduck
When was you first diagnosed with SA?...I was 15 when I went from being an outgoing lad to not wanting to go anywhere...was finally diagnosed(many reasons why so long)at 33(40 now)and just wanted to know what meds your on as mine(escitalopram atm) are not working at all?

Hey there,

I haven't been diagnosed - I recently released it myself. I've had social anxiety issues for ages and it just finally clicked that they were an actual mental health condition. I don't take any medication because, for one, I've only just acknowledged the issue, and also I prefer to work on it in a concrete way by working on myself/my thoughts/etc. rather than using medication.

I really hope that you find something that works for you. It seems like these things are all about trial and error.

---------- Post added at 22:19 ---------- Previous post was at 22:18 ----------


Hi!

something i learnt at hypnotherapy was to just sit there and think of somewhere where you feel completely safe and picture it in your head then if you feel your anxiety building just picture yourself in that place with a remote control with a dial on it which controls how you feel and just turn it down slowly. I know it sounds cheesy but i worked wonders with me!

Thank you for this tip, I'm going to try it and see how it goes. Any coping strategies are a huge help!