What makes you worry most about dying? [Archive]

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Freaked

25-06-13, 23:58

Ever since my health probs started a few months back, I've had ample time to worry about death. One night when my heart wouldn't slow down, they gave me three rounds of this stuff that stops it momentarily, and if that doesn't make you consider death, well.

Some people conquer their fears of health probs by conquering their fear of death, but of course that's easier said than done at 21, or any age. But, apart from all the things I want to do and the future I look forward to, the hardest thing is considering my family. My friends would be very shook, but i'm pretty sure they'd get over it. I think my boyfriend would probably be okay eventually; we've been together four years, but he's smart and good-looking and charming and I think he'd only be lonely for as long as he felt like it. I might be wrong, but I think he'd be fine. My parents, on the other hand... I'm an only child and they're not close to their families. I'm pretty sure it would devastate them, and I don't know if they'd ever recover. My mom in particular would not be...philosophical about it.

This is the stuff that occurs to me sometimes when I try to be 'philosophical' about my health probs :-/ Unhealthy I know, but there you go.

AuntieMoosie

26-06-13, 00:13

Hello there :)

I'm having a little bit of difficulty understanding what you're trying to say here????

Are you saying that in order to conquer your health anxiety you have been thinking about dying?? like, you want to die??

If this is the case, you are clearly having suicidal thoughts and you need help ASAP, if you are thinking like this, it is not normal nor is it rational and, in my opinion, you need input and care from the mental health team.

Are you feeling depressed?? Depression does often go hand in hand with anxiety of any sort, but just reading your post and trying to read between the lines, I have a feeling that you're pretty depressed and in need of help.

Of course it would devastate your parents, believe me it would. I've been on both ends of the scale with this one, having been suicidal once myself on the one hand, and I have a friend who's Son tragically took his own life and without any warning, my friend is still devastated now, 3 years on and she is also haunted by that word "why" because she doesn't understand why he did that, so I can see it from both points of view.

But to want to take your own life, if indeed this is what you're saying, is not normal, you are ill and in need of medical treatment, please for your sake and for the sake of your parents, your friends and your partner go and get help now!!!!

Please do let me know if I've misunderstood you in any way, I just get very concerned when I read things like this.

Freaked

26-06-13, 03:10

No, no; not suicidal! Don't worry! Quite the opposite. I've had terrible health probs over the last few months that have left me crippled, and a few episodes where I really wasn't sure what was going to happen. Consequently I've spent a lot of time terrified as my illness can be very unpredictable, even though docs have told me they don't think what I have is fatal.

I've tried the approach of thinking 'well death is inevitable' to try to stop worrying about it all the time, but those things I mentioned in the post above stop that from really working.

I suppose I just mentioned it because most people here are so afraid they're going to die of something all the time. I just wondered what exactly scares people most about that prospect (if they felt like sharing, and if it isn't a stupid question). There might be reasons why the fear of dying takes up our minds more than most people's, if that makes sense.

Granny Primark

26-06-13, 04:27

Its a fear of the unknown to me that scares me. But my mum used to say "it must be a nice place where you go when you die cus no one ever comes back"

flori

26-06-13, 08:47

I go along with Granny on this one it`s the fear of the unknown and the loved ones that we leave behind, worrying about how they would cope.

I have my faith and believe we are going to a better place, but I still can`t help having a fear of dying.

Eek

26-06-13, 10:02

I believe when we die that's it, it's the end, there's nothing, nada. That's what scares me the thought of no longer existing, I don't want to stop.

CharlieM

26-06-13, 10:27

I am most worried about a slow painful death. If I just died in my sleep or dropped dead in an instant, I would be ok.

When I am feeling ok, I can be rational and tell myself that death is nothing to fear. But when I am in panic mode and my chest is tight and I think this is it, I am petrified of dying.

The mind is truly powerful.

Sandywood

26-06-13, 10:41

Invisibletouch

26-06-13, 10:57

I agree with Flori....fear of the unknown and our loved ones left behind. I too have my faith and that comforts and helps me, but it doesn't stop us having a fear of death as it is the unknown, and that is human nature. I think more with me its the way of dying, rather than death itself.
I try to live for today as much as i can, and then when the fears pop up i think of my wonderful Mum and Dad and know i will be with them again.

swajj

26-06-13, 11:15

My psych says you don't want to die because you worry how all those who depend on you will cope without you. I think that's part of it. I guess I also fear the actual process of dying and how it will be to know that I can't stop it happening no matter what. My psych told me that people reach an age where their fear of dyingleaves them. He told m$e to ask anyone over the age of 70 and they would tell me they don't fear dying. Unfortunately the only person I know personally over this age is my neighbour and I don't feel comfortable saying to her "hey are tou afraid of dying". :winks:All my relatives over that age are already dead. But I'm hoping my psych is right and that acceptance comes with age.

---------- Post added at 19:42 ---------- Previous post was at 19:38 ----------

Sandywood my psych os buddhist. He told ne he is hoping that none of us can know for sure I think faith makes the journey easier.

---------- Post added at 19:45 ---------- Previous post was at 19:42 ----------

That is he is hoping that there is something after death. Please excuse my typing I'm on my mobile and the keyboard is teeny tiny.

Sandywood

26-06-13, 14:43

Lara1609

26-06-13, 15:28

It's the fear of the unknown that scares me. I don't know how I will feel or will I feel at all. It's inevitable , so I think if I come to accept that a lot of my worries will go away. I haven't had much luck yet.

joelhall

26-06-13, 16:07

Knowing that everything will be over. I'm quite a lover of life, and don't want it to ever end.

Granny Primark

26-06-13, 16:24

Sandywood I totally agree with you.
We talk about our other things we worry about but we dont talk about the only one we know is inevitable.
I dont think anyone has not had a fear of inevitable.
I wish I had a strong faith.
However I do wonder wonder about things.
Especially when you hear of such terrible things happening in this world.
I dont think you can not fear death. We dont know when and why.
My daughter lost a friend 2 years ago age 26. She had 2 children and was about to get married.
Ive lost my faith.
I just would like proof that there is someone up there.
My uncle lost his 25 (my aunt, my mums sis age 25) and then his son got killed less then 18 months after.
Its understandable that we question things.:hugs:

---------- Post added at 16:24 ---------- Previous post was at 16:22 ----------

Missed off the word wife

melishaxoxo

26-06-13, 22:49

AuntieMoosie

26-06-13, 22:59

Freaked oh I'm so glad that I had misunderstood you :)

Well I can't really think of anyone who's up for volunteering for death or dying :winks:

I think it is to do with fear of the unknown, none of us really know what will happen, it's not even something that we can plan really.

I'm not really frightened of death in itself, as death is death to me, what happens after that, is something that we've all got our own beliefs in, I'm not religious at all so I don't follow the heaven and hell bit, but whether something else happens, well, I'll have to wait and see when it's my turn :)

I think really that what we're all most frightened of isn't really death in itself, but it's how we're going to arrive at that state, I think that's what makes us really fear it.

And I really do think that we all need to learn to talk about it more, it's the one certainty in life, and that is death, yet it's still all kept quiet and not talked about which, in turn, makes it even more scary :) There's nothing morbid about talking about death either, in fact I think it's helpful.

How I look at it though is that, yes I'm going to die one day, I don't know how and I don't know when, but in the mean time, I'm alive and I have a life to live so I shall live it and then I shall face the inevitable as and when it happens :) :hugs:

Magic

27-06-13, 08:38

Lets face it. We are all going to die one day.
I don't think about it, I have passed thinking about it.
I try to enjoy one day at a time, I have lost my faith altogether.
Yes Granny, I would like to see proof that there is someone somewhere.
AuntieMoosie, good post :)

swajj

27-06-13, 11:50

Anyway, i don't think we should be deterred from discussing death if we feel we need to - what do you think?

Sandywood I think it is fine to discuss death. I don't have panic attacks of the type you describe. I have never passed out. My psychiatrist has diagnosed my condition as panic disorder without agoraphobia. Your panic attacks sound frightening but there seems to be the potential for enlightenment there as well. I read somewhere the other day (could have been in my Claire Weekes book but I'm not sure) that dying can be looked at as just falling asleep and when looked at the way it doesn't seem so scary. Yes, my psych is helping me and I know I am much better than I was a couple of months ago. :)

btw I'm on my laptop, hence the lack of typos.

---------- Post added at 20:20 ---------- Previous post was at 20:03 ----------

Sandywood my psych tells me that I am a very logical woman but my emotions often get in the way of my logic.

Col

27-06-13, 14:29

How it happens being aware of the actual process and actually what does happen once your dead.

unsure_about_this

27-06-13, 15:15

I am scared about death what will happen to my body, I prefer to be buried. my views about whether I want to be buried or cremation has not changed since I did my NVQ placement in IT in a funeral directors in 2002 to 2003.

However I do believe we come back.

I had varies dreams about death from vey little what happens.

megan82584

27-06-13, 16:39

For me it the uncontrollable. you pretty much have control over most of your life and what happens in your life but with dying you have NO control of it or when its goin to happen. that scares me. i hate no being in control. that goes along with my anxiety, i cant control it or when its going to happen and i get scared.

Freaked

27-06-13, 17:17

Very interesting replies from everyone. Not surprising I suppose -the unknown, the uncontrollable and the actual process have come up a lot. It wouldn't surprise me if some of us are kind of scared of the unknown generally; I know I've always hated rollercoasters and surprises. I prefer being prepared for situations, and death is something you can't really prepare for. People used to be buried with food and money and stuff, maybe just in case they'd need it for the journey.

For me, I sort of mentally tried to prepare myself for most eventualities, being an agnostic. If nothing happens, well then I suppose that's like before you were born, and I just hope the process wouldn't be awful. If something happens, great; I just hope it's something good.

What's interesting is the prevalence of near death experiences in resuscitated people. Either 10% or 30% of people 'brought back' report having them (it was one of the two but can't remember which; too lazy to look). That doesn't mean that the other people don't either, like how everyone dreams every night but you only remember them if you wake up in a REM cycle. You can induce hallucinations similar to them with certain brain stimulation afaik, though scientifically speaking many of these people would simply not have the neural activity to have such vivid dreams to our knowledge, but admittedly there's still a lot science doesn't understand about the brain. Still, whether evidence of an afterlife or just pleasant dreams, it'd be nice to think we all go out feeling peaceful and moving towards a bright light.

Like I said in the op really, what would bother me the most are the things I wouldn't get to do and mostly what would happen to the people I left behind :-/