mattyanxiety
26-06-13, 21:38
*****Post may contain triggers******
My problems with Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts began little over three months ago. To give you a bit of background information it started when i was sitting in the living room with my girlfriend, out of nowhere i fell into a state of panic, i was extremely nervous, my heartbeat was through the roof and i couldnt be in the presence of my girlfriend, i ran to the bathroom to try and calm myself down, this is where i started having thoughts of harming my girlfriend. Over the coming weeks the thoughts moved from my girlfriend, to my parents and sister then to everybody i ever saw or came into contact with.
After two visits to my gp and being given citalopram and prozac on two separate occassions ( two weeks on both med) it got to the point where i would do anything to rid myself of these thoughts. I even spent a night in bed with my mother to try and prove to myself that i wouldnt hurt anybody.I woke up the following morning in a state of crisis, i got in contact with the nhs annd was taken under the wing of the home treatment team. Under the home treatment team i was prescribed Clomipramine and Quetiapine. 75mg once a day of Clomipramine and 25mg twice a day of Quetiapine. I have now been taking them for about 3-4weeks.
I have missed alot of details out due to my issue i would like you guys to look at. After a couple of weeks i started feeling better. Then last monday everything changed, i started feeling not myself, a feeling i was familiar with but to a greater extent. I felt like i could concentrate on other things and my mind felt maybe even a little more free but the thoughts and anxiety felt even more real and worse. In terms of the anxiety i feel like i was walking around constantly with a huge ball of anxiety in my stomach, to the point where i couldnt sit in a living room with my parents. The thoughts i felt almost are almost convincing and i feel like i have been persuaded that i want to harm someone. I spoke to a counsellor and they said maybe that is due to my recovery and the fact that i may be getting better therefore the thoughts and anxiety will put up some resistance and become stronger at times.
Like i said i feel like i have beeen becoming more depersonalized, anxious and the thoughts are stronger almost convincing ( even though i could never do such things ) but sometimes i feel like i can concentrate on other things and take my mind off it. But for example, im sitting in my bedroom now with my parents and sister downstairs, i feel so anxious and distant and the thoughts of harming my family are always there yet sometimes while watchin tv and stuff like that it almost takes my mind off it. I know this might seem pointless but i feel like im being pulled on both sides, one side feels like i could be getting better, the other side makes me feel like im becoming some sort of psycho or something as i dont feel any emotion really anymore.
Im sorry this post may seem a little odd but i hope you can understand where im coming from, i dont know how to or what to think anymore.
Please Help.
My problems with Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts began little over three months ago. To give you a bit of background information it started when i was sitting in the living room with my girlfriend, out of nowhere i fell into a state of panic, i was extremely nervous, my heartbeat was through the roof and i couldnt be in the presence of my girlfriend, i ran to the bathroom to try and calm myself down, this is where i started having thoughts of harming my girlfriend. Over the coming weeks the thoughts moved from my girlfriend, to my parents and sister then to everybody i ever saw or came into contact with.
After two visits to my gp and being given citalopram and prozac on two separate occassions ( two weeks on both med) it got to the point where i would do anything to rid myself of these thoughts. I even spent a night in bed with my mother to try and prove to myself that i wouldnt hurt anybody.I woke up the following morning in a state of crisis, i got in contact with the nhs annd was taken under the wing of the home treatment team. Under the home treatment team i was prescribed Clomipramine and Quetiapine. 75mg once a day of Clomipramine and 25mg twice a day of Quetiapine. I have now been taking them for about 3-4weeks.
I have missed alot of details out due to my issue i would like you guys to look at. After a couple of weeks i started feeling better. Then last monday everything changed, i started feeling not myself, a feeling i was familiar with but to a greater extent. I felt like i could concentrate on other things and my mind felt maybe even a little more free but the thoughts and anxiety felt even more real and worse. In terms of the anxiety i feel like i was walking around constantly with a huge ball of anxiety in my stomach, to the point where i couldnt sit in a living room with my parents. The thoughts i felt almost are almost convincing and i feel like i have been persuaded that i want to harm someone. I spoke to a counsellor and they said maybe that is due to my recovery and the fact that i may be getting better therefore the thoughts and anxiety will put up some resistance and become stronger at times.
Like i said i feel like i have beeen becoming more depersonalized, anxious and the thoughts are stronger almost convincing ( even though i could never do such things ) but sometimes i feel like i can concentrate on other things and take my mind off it. But for example, im sitting in my bedroom now with my parents and sister downstairs, i feel so anxious and distant and the thoughts of harming my family are always there yet sometimes while watchin tv and stuff like that it almost takes my mind off it. I know this might seem pointless but i feel like im being pulled on both sides, one side feels like i could be getting better, the other side makes me feel like im becoming some sort of psycho or something as i dont feel any emotion really anymore.
Im sorry this post may seem a little odd but i hope you can understand where im coming from, i dont know how to or what to think anymore.
Please Help.