This illness has turned me in to someone else....

[mat74]

...and I do not like it

Having one of those days where you dwell on the past. Although I am only in my 30's I seem to have lost so much confidence, self esteem, happiness and enjoyment in my life.

A few years ago I had a good job, wonderful girlfriend, nice car, flat, holidays in the sun and a good social life. Now I have none of them and one way or another I honestly think my anxiety and panic has contributed to losing them.

I now spend most of my days watching TV, sleeping and walking aimlessly round shops just to get me out of the house. Although I still see friends it is around once a month and that turns in to a chore as I get worked up and anxious about the night out thinking I am going to be ill or worrying about what to wear. I rarely drink now as I worry about it making me feel sick and hangovers and after a few hours out all I want to do is be at home and doing nothing (this is the depression side of my illness)

I know compared to loads of people I have it mild as I still go out and do things but compared to a few years back everything has gone downhill and I cannot see how to get my confidence and self esteem back, it is a terrible and exhausting feeling and some days I am sick to death of it

Even when I try to cheer myself up by booking a break guess what? I cancel it as my feelings take over (thread I posted last week) and now 22 of us have a stag do in Liverpool to go to in September and the train tickets and hotel are all booked and with 2.5 months to go I am already worrying about howI will feel instead of really looking forward to it

Having a bad day today :meh:

[gregcool]

Hi Mate.sorry to hear you pain mate.im in the same boat as you mate..

[swgrl09]

I hate that feeling that you are describing. I remember feeling it all too well and every once in a while it sneaks back up on me for a day or so. I would suggest you try not to compare your experience to others, as yours is exactly that: your own unique experience. What you feel is real and comparing to others, at least for me, just made me feel more frustrated with myself.

I can completely empathize with you feeling exhausted and being so sick of it. Are you getting any help, therapy, meds, groups, self-help, etc?

[kittikat]

Sorry you are having a bad day...I think most of us with anxiety will relate well to your post. We do overthink and analyse everything, we do try to make plans and then cancel, we do isolate ourselves...that is what I call 'self protection' mode. Problem is that it only serves to make us feel worse and as you say, lose confidence, self esteem and exhaust ourselves in the process.

Try not to look too far forward...take each day as it comes and then try to achieve one small thing every day. At least you are getting out...see that as a positive. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Not sure what the answer is but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. I hope your day improves :hugs:

Kitti :)