waveydave
27-06-13, 23:56
Hello,
I've just joined the forum after finding it on google. I've never considered myself to suffer from anxiety, and generally cope pretty well under stress - most people would describe me as laid back. I apologise if this post ends up being long or rambling!
Just over a week ago, I noticed that my left arm didn't feel "right". Kind of like my to use my hand required extra effort and concentration. Almost the sort of feeling you get after doing a heavy workout or lifting (kind of heavy). Anyway, ignored it for a day or so and it didn't seem to be getting any better, so I did what I shouldn't have done, I googled it. Straight away MS pops up and an alarm went off. I told myself I was being silly and I couldn't have MS, that happens to "other people", and I didn't have any other symptoms.
Sunday comes around and in the morning I noticed that my right arm now felt heavy too, not as bad as my left because my grip was ok, just felt heavy to move. I noticed that my legs too felt weaker than usual, with an ache in my right thigh. Crouching down took quite an effort. Ding ding goes the alarm again, I've got more MS symptoms, so I made the same mistake again and researched MS looking to find something that would ease my worry and rule it out. Nope, the symptoms were exactly like others on the internet reported. As the day went on, I noticed tingling in my big toe on the right foot, slowly spreading up my leg as the day went on. This seemed to randomly appear on various areas of my body including arms, face, head, tummy etc. Ding ding again.....
So I ignored it for a couple of days again thinking (hoping!) that the symptoms would clear up. Read more and more about MS and the various types and just like that sticky at the top of the page, I envisioned myself in my wheelchair or confined to bed, rueing my wasted years. Another complication is that my wife is disabled (not "badly", but enough that I do everything in the house and help her with bathing etc, although she is mobile enough to work full time). So I'm also seeing that I can't care for her anymore, and that I've let her down etc.
Thursday comes around and I'm really starting to panic because the symptoms are still there, tingling away in various places (mostly my right foot), tiredness, legs too tired to walk the 4 flights of stairs to my office etc. A couple of times I would read something that would literally make my heart sink and feel a huge sense of impending doom. I'm not going to lie, for the first time in my whole life I could understand why someone would commit suicide - I actually considered it as a future option.
So I made an appt with my surgery and saw a locum in the morning. He tested my strength by asking me to push/pull against him, checked my eyes etc and asked me about my life. I told him I'd been under some pressure in work recently, and perhaps not had enough sleep - getting by on between 4.5 - 7 hours a night, but this is nothing out of the ordinary and I haven't felt stressed. He said he didn't see my symptoms as MS, that it was too random in the spread around the body. He said he thinks its anxiety, but he'll send me for a full set of bloods to see if there was anything else causing it, but was pretty sure it wasn't expecting anything unusual to come back. After a chat he suggested some sites to read about anxiety and asked if I'd like some sleeping tables or a few days worth of anti depressants. I declined this as I didn't feel I needed them.
So as per the sticky at the top, out I skip with a huge weight off my shoulders. Until the doubt started creeping in. How could I have anxiety when I've never suffered it before? Work has been busy, but I haven't felt like I couldn't cope. I only got worked up because I had the symptoms, any anxiety came after not before. How could he say its not MS, he hasn't sent me for an MRI or to see a neuro, and plenty of people get misdiagnosed.
So here I am, willing him to be right, but with that little niggle of doubt that just won't let go and creeps in from time to time.
In hindsight, I think I have suffered Health Anxiety before, but never to this extreme. It started when I was about 8 years old and we found a dead bird, and one of the older boys told me I touched it I would die. I didn't touch it, but he did and then rubbed his hands on me. It freaked me out and I literally knew I would die in my sleep that night. This went on, if I saw something on TV such as cancer, I would tell my parents I had it. Out with my parents one day I informed that my heart had stopped etc. Although I have no recollection of this next bit, apparently I was taken to see a Dr who recommended a psychiatrist, but my parents didn't follow this route. I grew out of it, with only little dips in and out, sometimes I would fear I had something, but never to the point where I panicked. A few times over the last few years I've had various brushes with it, I found blood in my stools so I had bowel cancer, turned out to be piles. I was getting acid reflux - googled that and found barret's oesophagus, yep could be that's what kills me, undiagnosed and eating away. However, none of these have ever resulted in a physical manifestation of symptoms.
This time its different. As I sit here, I am tingling, my left hand still doesn't feel back to normal. I go from feeling a huge sense of relief and happiness to a creeping dread that the Dr is wrong, and I'm going to end up having been misdiagnosed. I'm putting my complete trust in someone who as far as I can see, hasn't done any scientific tests whatsoever, even though I have no reason to doubt him.
I haven't yet told my wife, which if I'm honest added to the pressure because I felt quite alone. I did actually cry on the way to the surgery, and let out a little sob after seeing the Dr (more from relief than anything). My wife's arthritis doesn't respond well to stress, and I know she'd worry if I told her.
If anyone did actually get to this part of the post, I'm sorry I've rambled for so long, but I think just getting these thoughts out of my head may be helping!
WD
I've just joined the forum after finding it on google. I've never considered myself to suffer from anxiety, and generally cope pretty well under stress - most people would describe me as laid back. I apologise if this post ends up being long or rambling!
Just over a week ago, I noticed that my left arm didn't feel "right". Kind of like my to use my hand required extra effort and concentration. Almost the sort of feeling you get after doing a heavy workout or lifting (kind of heavy). Anyway, ignored it for a day or so and it didn't seem to be getting any better, so I did what I shouldn't have done, I googled it. Straight away MS pops up and an alarm went off. I told myself I was being silly and I couldn't have MS, that happens to "other people", and I didn't have any other symptoms.
Sunday comes around and in the morning I noticed that my right arm now felt heavy too, not as bad as my left because my grip was ok, just felt heavy to move. I noticed that my legs too felt weaker than usual, with an ache in my right thigh. Crouching down took quite an effort. Ding ding goes the alarm again, I've got more MS symptoms, so I made the same mistake again and researched MS looking to find something that would ease my worry and rule it out. Nope, the symptoms were exactly like others on the internet reported. As the day went on, I noticed tingling in my big toe on the right foot, slowly spreading up my leg as the day went on. This seemed to randomly appear on various areas of my body including arms, face, head, tummy etc. Ding ding again.....
So I ignored it for a couple of days again thinking (hoping!) that the symptoms would clear up. Read more and more about MS and the various types and just like that sticky at the top of the page, I envisioned myself in my wheelchair or confined to bed, rueing my wasted years. Another complication is that my wife is disabled (not "badly", but enough that I do everything in the house and help her with bathing etc, although she is mobile enough to work full time). So I'm also seeing that I can't care for her anymore, and that I've let her down etc.
Thursday comes around and I'm really starting to panic because the symptoms are still there, tingling away in various places (mostly my right foot), tiredness, legs too tired to walk the 4 flights of stairs to my office etc. A couple of times I would read something that would literally make my heart sink and feel a huge sense of impending doom. I'm not going to lie, for the first time in my whole life I could understand why someone would commit suicide - I actually considered it as a future option.
So I made an appt with my surgery and saw a locum in the morning. He tested my strength by asking me to push/pull against him, checked my eyes etc and asked me about my life. I told him I'd been under some pressure in work recently, and perhaps not had enough sleep - getting by on between 4.5 - 7 hours a night, but this is nothing out of the ordinary and I haven't felt stressed. He said he didn't see my symptoms as MS, that it was too random in the spread around the body. He said he thinks its anxiety, but he'll send me for a full set of bloods to see if there was anything else causing it, but was pretty sure it wasn't expecting anything unusual to come back. After a chat he suggested some sites to read about anxiety and asked if I'd like some sleeping tables or a few days worth of anti depressants. I declined this as I didn't feel I needed them.
So as per the sticky at the top, out I skip with a huge weight off my shoulders. Until the doubt started creeping in. How could I have anxiety when I've never suffered it before? Work has been busy, but I haven't felt like I couldn't cope. I only got worked up because I had the symptoms, any anxiety came after not before. How could he say its not MS, he hasn't sent me for an MRI or to see a neuro, and plenty of people get misdiagnosed.
So here I am, willing him to be right, but with that little niggle of doubt that just won't let go and creeps in from time to time.
In hindsight, I think I have suffered Health Anxiety before, but never to this extreme. It started when I was about 8 years old and we found a dead bird, and one of the older boys told me I touched it I would die. I didn't touch it, but he did and then rubbed his hands on me. It freaked me out and I literally knew I would die in my sleep that night. This went on, if I saw something on TV such as cancer, I would tell my parents I had it. Out with my parents one day I informed that my heart had stopped etc. Although I have no recollection of this next bit, apparently I was taken to see a Dr who recommended a psychiatrist, but my parents didn't follow this route. I grew out of it, with only little dips in and out, sometimes I would fear I had something, but never to the point where I panicked. A few times over the last few years I've had various brushes with it, I found blood in my stools so I had bowel cancer, turned out to be piles. I was getting acid reflux - googled that and found barret's oesophagus, yep could be that's what kills me, undiagnosed and eating away. However, none of these have ever resulted in a physical manifestation of symptoms.
This time its different. As I sit here, I am tingling, my left hand still doesn't feel back to normal. I go from feeling a huge sense of relief and happiness to a creeping dread that the Dr is wrong, and I'm going to end up having been misdiagnosed. I'm putting my complete trust in someone who as far as I can see, hasn't done any scientific tests whatsoever, even though I have no reason to doubt him.
I haven't yet told my wife, which if I'm honest added to the pressure because I felt quite alone. I did actually cry on the way to the surgery, and let out a little sob after seeing the Dr (more from relief than anything). My wife's arthritis doesn't respond well to stress, and I know she'd worry if I told her.
If anyone did actually get to this part of the post, I'm sorry I've rambled for so long, but I think just getting these thoughts out of my head may be helping!
WD