I am alone

[Georgie_]

My name is Georgie. I have anxiety, extremely low confidence and OCD which is taking over my life.

I have always had very low confidence since I was little, but now that I am 15, I just can't handle it as it is getting worse. Especially as I am entering one of the most important stages of my life (exams, college in 1 year, moving out in a few years etc).
My OCD started when I was 11. It began with me obsessively checking my alarm on my phone about 10-15 times continuously as I had a little thought in my head that it wasn't set and that I wouldn't wake up on time for school. I still have this to today and I can't handle it; I feel it is too late to stop alarm checking now as it has become a natural routine to me. Also, whilst typing on the computer (at school and home, but not as much on smaller devices such as the one I am using now) I have to backspace everything I had just written if I have a small typo. This happens ALOT during controlled assessments and takes up probably about two hours overall. I begin crying during high control and feel like running out of the room screaming. I used to also pull back and draw all the curtains in my house continuously as I thought someone was looking in and just didn't feel comfortable with the thought that I wasn't safe and secure if they were open even if I could see that they were closed. I do not have this compulsion anymore but now I instead sway (kind of walking back and forth and moving from foot to foot about 30 times)in front of my front door (which has a glass window) in case someone is looking in or knows I am looking. This may not make sense seeing as if I didn't do this, I would not have to worry if they thought I was looking.
I have extremely bad mood swings where, for the minority of the time, I am 'crazy' and 'hyper' I suppose to try and cover my emotions but most of the time I feel so alone, that I am not worth anything, I have intense thoughts about death and things similar and nobody seems to care about me or want to know me. I have 'friends' who have badly bullied me for 3 years who are the only people I can just about handle. They are no way near close enough friends to me that I want to talk to them about my life. Wherever I look, I just don't seem to get any support.

I know many of you would say "Just visit a doctor, they'll help" but it really isn't that simple for me. I just wish there was someone out there who understands me.

[Andrea2607]

Hi Georgie,

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You don't say if you are on any meds or if you have seen a psychiactrist but I seriously recommend that you talk to a professional as soon as possible. Have you spoke to your mum and dad about how you are feeling or have you just bottled everything up.

There is lots of help out there and there is no shame in asking. Please take the first step in your recovery and talk to someone who can help you, you don't say if you are on any meds but you might find that a low dose anti-psychotic or anti-depressent may help enormously. Good luck and keep us updated on this forum. Sending hugs:hugs: Andrea

[Speranza]

I know it isn't simple but it sounds as though it would be good for you to talk to someone medical..?

Sometimes the best thing to do is to think of the person you already know who you can talk to the most easily. I wonder if there is a teacher or a TA at your school who would be a good place to start? They could refer you for help through school, and the person could come to see you there if that would be better for you. I expect someone at school may have noticed you are struggling and is just waiting for you to ask for help... Sending more hugs.

Gill x :hugs:

[Georgie_]

Hi Georgie,

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You don't say if you are on any meds or if you have seen a psychiactrist but I seriously recommend that you talk to a professional as soon as possible. Have you spoke to your mum and dad about how you are feeling or have you just bottled everything up.

There is lots of help out there and there is no shame in asking. Please take the first step in your recovery and talk to someone who can help you, you don't say if you are on any meds but you might find that a low dose anti-psychotic or anti-depressent may help enormously. Good luck and keep us updated on this forum. Sending hugs:hugs: Andrea

I am not taking any meds at the moment apart from the contraceptive pill. I take this because 'my time of the month' is not regular, which I think could be caused by stress. I have tried kind of talking to my mum but she really doesn't seem to care. I have told her I am feeling very low but she just says "pack it in" even though most of the time I never know why I am feeling so upset and I really can't control it. Because she just ignores me and walks off, I burst into tears because I thought if anyone would listen, it would be my mum. I don't live with my dad and our relationship is not that great so I don't want to talk to him. Thank you so much for giving advice and will take it into consideration even though me actually going to get help might take me some time. Georgie

[Stormsky]

Hi
If you can, Try reading the book 'brain lock"
It's on amazon , you can get it for around £5 at the moment, and they do free delivery

[Georgie_]

I know it isn't simple but it sounds as though it would be good for you to talk to someone medical..?

Sometimes the best thing to do is to think of the person you already know who you can talk to the most easily. I wonder if there is a teacher or a TA at your school who would be a good place to start? They could refer you for help through school, and the person could come to see you there if that would be better for you. I expect someone at school may have noticed you are struggling and is just waiting for you to ask for help... Sending more hugs.

Gill x :hugs:

Thank you for your advice, Gill.
School is going very badly at the moment (low grades such as Es and Ds and teachers have said I am making disappointing progress). At school, I put on a front so others don't see what I am feeling; I am very quiet but try to be nice even though sometimes I feel I have hurt someone's feelings. There are no teachers at my school that I can talk to who will listen to me; I had time off school last year due to bullying and bad OCD at school (my mum just thought it was the bullying and still does, she doesn't know I have OCD). On one of the days I had off, I went in to talk to a pastoral head who said that they would follow up what was going on, but never did. Georgie

---------- Post added at 19:56 ---------- Previous post was at 19:55 ----------


Hi
If you can, Try reading the book 'brain lock"
It's on amazon , you can get it for around £5 at the moment, and they do free delivery

Thank you so much for the suggestion. I have just had a look at the book online and I will order it in a couple of days. Georgie

[Andrea2607]

Please tell your family about the OCD and how you are feeling. Your mum needs to know that you are not just being bullied and that you really need help. You are are not alone if you really need someone to talk to who will understand call the Mental Health Line on 0300 5000 101.

Good luck Georgie sending more hugs. :hugs::hugs::hugs: