Georgie_
30-06-13, 18:45
My name is Georgie. I have anxiety, extremely low confidence and OCD which is taking over my life.
I have always had very low confidence since I was little, but now that I am 15, I just can't handle it as it is getting worse. Especially as I am entering one of the most important stages of my life (exams, college in 1 year, moving out in a few years etc).
My OCD started when I was 11. It began with me obsessively checking my alarm on my phone about 10-15 times continuously as I had a little thought in my head that it wasn't set and that I wouldn't wake up on time for school. I still have this to today and I can't handle it; I feel it is too late to stop alarm checking now as it has become a natural routine to me. Also, whilst typing on the computer (at school and home, but not as much on smaller devices such as the one I am using now) I have to backspace everything I had just written if I have a small typo. This happens ALOT during controlled assessments and takes up probably about two hours overall. I begin crying during high control and feel like running out of the room screaming. I used to also pull back and draw all the curtains in my house continuously as I thought someone was looking in and just didn't feel comfortable with the thought that I wasn't safe and secure if they were open even if I could see that they were closed. I do not have this compulsion anymore but now I instead sway (kind of walking back and forth and moving from foot to foot about 30 times)in front of my front door (which has a glass window) in case someone is looking in or knows I am looking. This may not make sense seeing as if I didn't do this, I would not have to worry if they thought I was looking.
I have extremely bad mood swings where, for the minority of the time, I am 'crazy' and 'hyper' I suppose to try and cover my emotions but most of the time I feel so alone, that I am not worth anything, I have intense thoughts about death and things similar and nobody seems to care about me or want to know me. I have 'friends' who have badly bullied me for 3 years who are the only people I can just about handle. They are no way near close enough friends to me that I want to talk to them about my life. Wherever I look, I just don't seem to get any support.
I know many of you would say "Just visit a doctor, they'll help" but it really isn't that simple for me. I just wish there was someone out there who understands me.
I have always had very low confidence since I was little, but now that I am 15, I just can't handle it as it is getting worse. Especially as I am entering one of the most important stages of my life (exams, college in 1 year, moving out in a few years etc).
My OCD started when I was 11. It began with me obsessively checking my alarm on my phone about 10-15 times continuously as I had a little thought in my head that it wasn't set and that I wouldn't wake up on time for school. I still have this to today and I can't handle it; I feel it is too late to stop alarm checking now as it has become a natural routine to me. Also, whilst typing on the computer (at school and home, but not as much on smaller devices such as the one I am using now) I have to backspace everything I had just written if I have a small typo. This happens ALOT during controlled assessments and takes up probably about two hours overall. I begin crying during high control and feel like running out of the room screaming. I used to also pull back and draw all the curtains in my house continuously as I thought someone was looking in and just didn't feel comfortable with the thought that I wasn't safe and secure if they were open even if I could see that they were closed. I do not have this compulsion anymore but now I instead sway (kind of walking back and forth and moving from foot to foot about 30 times)in front of my front door (which has a glass window) in case someone is looking in or knows I am looking. This may not make sense seeing as if I didn't do this, I would not have to worry if they thought I was looking.
I have extremely bad mood swings where, for the minority of the time, I am 'crazy' and 'hyper' I suppose to try and cover my emotions but most of the time I feel so alone, that I am not worth anything, I have intense thoughts about death and things similar and nobody seems to care about me or want to know me. I have 'friends' who have badly bullied me for 3 years who are the only people I can just about handle. They are no way near close enough friends to me that I want to talk to them about my life. Wherever I look, I just don't seem to get any support.
I know many of you would say "Just visit a doctor, they'll help" but it really isn't that simple for me. I just wish there was someone out there who understands me.