Beginning to have trouble leaving my house.

[wenwhi]

I've recently married my long time boyfriend and begun living full time in his home country. Now that our extended honeymoon is over and he's back to work I find myself not wanting to leave home. He tries everything to make me comfortable and encourages me do various activities. And even begs me to come and hangout with him at work. But leaving the house is becoming a huge production of primping myself and depending on how I feel after doing so will be the deciding factor if I end up leaving.

My husband is very charismatic and handsome and gets lots of attention from women. But he's very humble and oblivious to this. I'm not sure what has triggered my recent fear of being around him in front of others. I feel like people are judging me, why is he with her when he can have anyone. This has carried over to other aspects of my life like obsessing before I go to the grocery store.

I've always struggled with self-esteem issues. And I've always struggled with fear of abandonment(due to my father leaving when I was a child). But all of these behaviors only surface to this extreme when I'm in a deep loving relationship. When I'm single it seems that I'm not at all self-conscious. I've never exposed these feelings in a public forum, so forgive me if my post is a little unorganized.

[vicky23]

Hi, welcome nice to ''meet'' you
Your post made sense to me :) I think it's understandable you have these issues given your experiences as a child, my thoughts why you're feeling like this now as opposed to when you're single would be that you have something to lose when you're in a relationship. When you're single it doesn't really matter I guess.
But this man married you! so he obviously thinks you're worth it! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and quite often we misjudge our own appearance so quite likely people are thinking you're a handsome couple
As best you can try to face these fears because the more you avoid the situation the more complex it can get.
best wishes

[Stormsky]

It's beauty on the inside that counts..

[B-Brain]

Hey!

It's perfectly natural to feel a little shy. It's your husband's home turf, so he's probably very relaxed but its still new to you and you're still getting to know everything. I know it's difficult at first in a new place, but I think you would feel so much better if you explored a little on your own, chatted to people and maybe even made some new friends. It would boost your confidence and help you to remember your own identity - which is important in any relationship.

I'm also a little jealous... From the little flag you must be Turkey, right? It must be beautiful this time of year. Hot!! :D

[wenwhi]

Thanks everyone for taking time to read and respond. It definitely helps to have others who are unbiased look at what I'm experiencing. It brings totally different and helpful perspective to my situation.

And yes, Brian-B, I'm in Turkey ( it is quite hot now).

I think you're right that being here on a permanent basis has given me unexpected anxiety. I do love it here, but there are lots of barriers and challenges and going from visitor to resident is a difficult transition. My limited ability to speak Turkish is a factor too. Not being able to express myself in the manner I'm used to has taken its toll on my confidence. The constant self- doubt has carried over into every aspect of my life. And seeing it all here really resonates and I will certainly explore coping methods before things get out of hand. Thanks Again!

[B-Brain]

You'll get there, you know what to do :winks: Wish you all the best in your new home. Keep us posted with how you're getting on.