Facing down my heart fears head on

[Freaked]

So, I've got a heart event monitor for a week from my gp (my cardiologist basically discharged me). Pressed it once so far, when I was feeling my pulse cos I felt odd and it felt like it did some palps. Terrible reflux atm, which seems to make them worse. But tomorrow...

Tomorrow, hopefully, I go to the nearest hospital grounds with my parents and boyfriend and take a short walk. This may not sound like much, but my heart will race, my vision will probably blur out, I'll pass out or some combination. I or someone else if I collapse quite spontaneously (has happened before) will push the button, and then, assuming I wake up again, I'll finally get to see wtf is going on when this stuff happens. I'm sick of getting ekgs just lying there and being like 'well lying there isn't normally my problem'. Hopefully what I have is just POTS syndrome, but I'm beyond sick of feeling this sick and not knowing what's going on when I do.

The way I see it, if I was really at the point where a short walk might kill me... Then I'd probably have to face up to that sooner or later anyway. If this stuff is benign, then this should let me know and I won't be terrified to stand anymore. Maybe I'd even be able to start getting better.

So.

[Speranza]

Great to hear you are being so brave. I really hope they get to the bottom of it for you. x

[roady]

I hope things go well for you. It is a powerless feeling, not knowing what is wrong, but I hope you know soon. Best wishes.

[KeeKee]

My health anxiety is mostly about my heart (although I have never actually fainted or even become short of breath) so I know how terrifying it can be. You are approaching this in a very admirable way and I think it's a good idea to do so. Good luck and im sure it will be benign otherwise they would have picked it up on a precious ECG.

[AceOfSpades]

Freaked you can over come this and move on.

We have chatted before and I was able to overcome my Heart anxiety fears after many years and the only way is to face it head on and tell yourself that this is the end of it all.

I have not looked back and that was 7 months ago. I have not once been to the doctor about chest pain nor have I called 999 or anything and all this after loads of ecgs, a couple of treadmill ecgs and chest x-rays and blood tests and don't forget the 2 trips with the blue lights flashing to A&E.
Everyday for 2 years I thought was my last and I dreaded it.

You can do it not only for you but your family..

We are all behind you and you have the support of every one.

[Freaked]

Thanks for the support everyone :)

Unfortunately my boyfriend messed up his shoulder on a bouncy castle (nicely illustrating why they're meant to be for children) so he won't be able to come see me for a day or two and I don't really want to take that walk without him :-/ So probably another bit of waiting around and in the meantime I've found a heart condition to worry me: sick sinus syndrome. Would fit a lot of my symps. Of course so would POTS, but still...

Grrrr I so wanted to get that over with today.

[Freaked]

Well, I went for my walk with the monitor. Typically, I couldn't reproduce a lot of the symps that worry me most, other than the constant tachycardia which I already knew about, but I did manage to walk for a whole lot longer than I thought I could manage. Longer than I have in months. I was dreading an awful crash in the evening, but touch wood I've been okay. I'd actually be happier if some of the scarier stuff had happened so I could have caught it, but this condition doesn't always like playing on my terms :-/

Still, I feel better for having done it. I had to prepare myself for the worst, cos I really had no idea what might happen. Gives me confidence that, on a good day, maybe my limits are further than I thought. Still felt like crap, but stayed conscious at least.