Hello

[roady]

Hi. I'm new to the forum, so I thought I'd introduce myself as an opportunity to just talk out how I've been feeling lately. I am a lifetime sufferer of depression and anxiety. In the past few years the depression has mostly subsided and I've been left with the anxiety bit... I have a very wonderful life, with a loving partner, kind friends, and a great family. But I still have trouble not worrying. I guess I worry a lot that it will all go away. I'm also fearful of dying. This is the root of most of my anxiety -- just a general fear of death.

This past week has been a tough one for me. I've been very ill, physically, with some sort of severe stomach bug. I had to go to the ER for dehydration, and that was extremely stressful. Recovery has been very hard. I'm still not fully recovered, and struggling to eat. My partner thinks I have IBS/GERD brought on by stress. He loves me, but I think he gets weary of my anxiety issues sometimes (as well he should, they make me weary too). The other day I happened to see some messages he exchanged with a mutual friend about my anxiety and illness weighing on him, he even gave her a laundry list of some of my biggest fears (flying in planes, riding in cars, general health woes). I just felt kind of heartbroken that my anxiety is affecting his quality of life so much. I love him very much.

So I'm taking this step, reaching out to this community. I haven't done much about my anxiety in the past except for attempts at self care. Faith helps me a lot, but sometimes I still struggle. So, I look forward to meeting you all and talking more about our anxiety and trying to panic less. Thanks for reading.

Best,

roady

[Speranza]

I'm so sorry life's tough at the moment. It sounds as though you did really well to even cope with ER etc. Does he know you happened to see' the messages, and can you talk to him about them?

Whether he does or not, make sure he knows that you are here to get some support and that you intend to beat these issues (even if you can't visualise it right now). Make a fuss of him for how much his love and support get you through. Let him know how much you appreciate him...

And welcome! :)

:welcome:

Gill xx

[Spot-the-frog]

:welcome: to this site

Are you seeing a Doctor or therapist about your problems? Are you on any medication?

I know what you mean about putting a strain on your partner. I feel the same way, my partner is very understanding but I worry that he is getting fed up with me. Talk to him about the messages x

[roady]

Hi Gill and Spot,

Thank you for the kind replies and welcome messages. After writing this post, I told my partner about the site and that I was seeking help. His response was very positive. I think his frustration (which he doesn't often express directly to me, because he knows it causes me duress), is rooted in a lack of seeking help on my part. I have never been to therapy, and I have never taken any medication for my depression or anxiety. When we were in university together many years ago, he had a period of depression where he had trouble doing much of anything. We were in the US at the time, and the Dr quickly prescribed him some anti-depressants without asking much questions. He took them for a while and felt better, but had a lot of side effects and in the end painstakingly weaned himself off of them. So I think we're both a bit weary of medications.

He has been to counseling on three separate occasions and it really does seem to help him. I think for me, and I don't know if this is common or not, but for me I feel like my fears "protect" me, if that makes any sense? As though my cautiousness can help protect me from bad things happening. This is why I think I have rationalized away my anxiety being a problem in the past. But I have come to realize more and more that anxiety is having a toll on my physical health. Often if I am truly worrying over something I can actually make myself sick. (This happens sometimes before we travel, for example.)

So, here I am I suppose. There is more to tell of course, but I'm sure this will come with time. I am happy to be here and seeking help. :)

[Speranza]

Sounds good! I am glad you have talked to him because it sounded exactly as though that was how he was feeling. Hopefully now you are reaching out for help he will be able to be more supportive, he just didn't want the whole burden on him perhaps.

I know exactly what you mean about counselling, but there comes a point where you realise the safety blanket isn't really keeping you safe... as for meds, I am no expert but I do know there are many, many alternatives and I have seen a lot of people on here who have tried several before hitting the right one for them.

Again, welcome and I hope you really find some help here.

[chantelle]

:welcome: I love my hubby too for all his support but at times feel like he must be fed up with it all!!! However, I know this is just the anxiety & depression allowing me to feel negatively as if the shoe was on the other foot I'd like to think I would be just as supportive. He keeps saying....in sickness or health - this is just a bad patch for you but you will get better and our love will be as strong as ever.
Good luck to you and welcome on here....it really is a stepping stone on the way to recovery and you will meet people just like you xxx