Really cant be bothered anymore!

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I just cant be ****ed with anything anymore, I am a useless anxiety ridden, selfish ****, I only care about myself. I am a gambling addict. Treat everyone like shit.

And no this isn't a cry for attention, I am not an attention seeker like many people on this site. I just need to vent my anger somewhere, ive already smashed up the stuff round the house so now ive come here.

What is the point in anything, I cant be bothered with it anymore.

---------- Post added at 16:51 ---------- Previous post was at 16:33 ----------

Just phoned Samaritans, what a ****in useless mug that answered the phone, didn't say a thing.

Sorry about the language.

[Speranza]

What would you have wanted them to say? What do you need to hear?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I dont know Speranza. Was just hoping they might have some insight or advice on my situation but they decided to sit in silence instead.

---------- Post added at 17:21 ---------- Previous post was at 17:01 ----------

Sorry for all the rudeness, im such an idiot when I get like this, I just don't care about anything when I feel like this.

[BobbyDog]

Just because you shout, doesn't mean that anyone else wants to shout back. People don't know what to say in situations like this. Perhaps counselling would help.

[Speranza]

Do you want people to agree that you are worthless, or tell you why you aren't?

[Sparkle1984]

You sound like you're really struggling - how about making an emergency doctors appointment first thing tomorrow morning? Or if you feel really desperate call the out of hours service. :hugs:

[kittikat]

Yes, you may have some issues as many of us do here but you cannot deal with all that pent up anger by yourself or expect it to vanish overnight.

Take a step back and look at each of your problems individually then deal with one at a time.

The anxiety...perhaps it is time to bite the bullet and go back on medication while you wait for the CBT. I know you didn't want to go that route but you are now in self destruct mode and can only see all the negative in your life.

The gambling is a separate issue...perhaps evolved as a kind of release because you have felt so empty and low about yourself ?

The anger - well feelings of isolation and frustration can make you very angry but you must deal with it too. It really is not you, your self esteem is rock bottom and you cannot see a way forward at the moment.

Perhaps there are also issues from your past that are contributing to the way you feel or perhaps you look forward and see nothing?

Put all this together, mix it up and you either implode or explode. It has to happen as you are like a pressure cooker of emotions and negative feelings right now.

This really isn't you...you are not this worthless person you see yourself as. Your image of yourself is distorted because of your issues.

You can move forward from this...see it as a warning that you are on the verge. Take some positive action now. One step at a time. One issue at a time. You know you are worth more than this, don't destroy yourself...you deserve better and you can turn this around. You have realised that you have problems and admitted it publically here...perhaps that is a good thing and the first step to you seeking the help that you obviously need.

I hope that you take heed and get yourself off of the self destruct train right now. There are many here that will probably empathise and support you in your journey. The world is not against you, you are against yourself and now that you have realised that it's time to take positive action.

I wish you all the best. Kitti :hugs: x

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thank you for your reply KittiKat, Sparkle and Sparanza.

What you said makes a lot of sense Kittkat, thanks for that.

I have calmed down a bit now, so just got to try to start sorting things out, although the task just seems impossible at the minute.

Mods you can take this thread down if you want, people here shouldn't have to read my rude swearing posts just because im having a hard time. Sorry about that again.