I dont know how long I can hold on :(

[EdenHazard]

Hello , since I was 16 years old I had light anxiety , I felt nervous on trains , bus , ... But It was not hard to live with. I had a really ****ed up life from my 16 to 19 (quit school , smoked weed , drank to much, insane clubbing ..) after that my anxiety became hard. But not super hard , I had a job , I had a girlfriend.. And then I became addicted to valuim for 2-3 years. In the withdrawel I lost my gf , my job , my selfrespect , lot of friends , my good lookin body (1m80 , 89kg , 10%bf) and worst of all my smile .
Now i'm 2 mounths clean and my anxiety is true the roof , I only can talk to +-10 of my good friends. I cant talk to girls (dunno why I was always a bit shy but now i'm just ****ed up and I know girls feel this so I avoid them) I hope i'm not creating a girl phobia.
i'm almost crying writhing this. In 20 days I go to a special facility to treath anxiety and in september I go back to school. But I dont know If I can recover. pftt srs I hate my life , I cant do shit (sober)

why is this world so ****ed up ? I just want to be anxiety free and i'm the happiest person on earth. I'n the withdrawel I had paranoia and suicide feelings , the paranoia went away but I dont know if the suicde went away.. Dont get me wrong I dont want to kill myself but i'm ****ing tired on this earth. And nobody understands me :(

btw sorry for my bad english

[Geestar]

Hi im sorry for how you are feeling all we all know how horrible anxiety is :(

You need go stop thinking of all the things you lost and now on what you can gain :) all the things you have mentioned that you lost are things you can get back eventually. Not over night but something to aim for. Can be your goal :)

Its great you are going to a special facility to get treated. It will be the beginning of trying to get rid of this awful thing.

I know everyday is hard and you feel as though there is no end but fight for happiness! You will get there :)

As for not being able talk to girls... we arent so bad you know :D

x

[Speranza]

We are here. If you have ten good friends you are doing great!

[missfishlash]

You have come to the right place for support, so many kind and exerienced people here...sorry you are in such a bad place at the moment and hope your treatment helps to get you the road to feeling better x

[EdenHazard]

hello , i'm letting you know its ALLOT better with me. In the 2-3 weeks I went to 2 dance festivals and other social places. I dont have weird thoughts anymore. But i'm still very anxiety and every day begins with alot of anxienty , in 2 days I will go to a special anxiety center I hope they can help me :) bye