Kimmybaybee
06-07-13, 01:13
Please someone help me I am frieking out terribly... New here so this will be a long post!!:-(
Background info- had anxiety 6 years ago was only physical symptoms and fear of dying lasted 7 months then just disappeared! This time round is very different and scary! I think I had depression for about 3/4 months last year at the end of it into this year! Didn't want to get up but had to as i have kids and i was constantly cleaning! Hated one thing outta place! I kept getting strange dizziness that lasted less than 2 seconds didn't think anything of it but I would worry about stupid things... Became a bit of an attempted perfectionist!
Skip ahead ... I had a panic attak and it was typical in my head was screaming wanting someone to help me! A week later whilst being shakey i was building a new swing set i bought my kids and i started crying to my grandmother begging her never to leave me (shes like my mum as i lost mine very young)my nose burst because of the crying! As usual dusted it off and things were fine again!that night I woke up out a sleep and just decided to commit suicide obviously loving my life I didn't really want to! So I ran upstairs and cried myself to sleep! So next day I got my kids and went to my fathers house told him everything and asked if we could live with him! The panic attacks got worse but the common symptoms I had where palpitations dry mouth frequent urination feeling terrified vision distorted was really scary! But then the worse hit me... Strange thoughts of losing control and harming someone... Weird images when I closed my eyes I read online this is all OCD or pure o! But then the guilt kicked in at having these thoughts and I hated myself.. I would rather die than hurt anyone! I told my dad everything he was great! I started googling schizophrenia and bipolar and psychosis ... Frieked myself right out! I started obsessing when I was gonna start hallucinating or hearing things I read people stories and became obsessed with them Please note I DON'T see or hear anything ! They spoke of there paranoia and omg I couldn't stop! I started analysing everything I did everything I heard saw said and smelled! I knew it was all fake but it still frieked me out! So I went to doctor he gave me citralopram not good gave me suicidal thoughts! Then sertraline made me as high as a kite! Then propanalol helped with the palpitations but gave me insomnia! This anxietys different I have had so many symptoms .. Scared of - cars, knifes or anything that could hurt someone, going crazy and having bi polar schizophrenia or psychosis... Sometimes am scared to sleep incase I loose control in my sleep I don't know what going on! Body- I get pins in needle sensations mostly in my skalp but today was in my face, palpitations
Eyes- vision goes weird sometimes I think i see dark movement out side of y eyes but nothings there when I look, static like vision, and black stringy shadows swaying according to everyone this is normal hut its scary,snail trails and after images! My visions the scariest symptom...sometimes almost dream like ...during an attak I feel either speeded up almost feel the adrenaline going thru my body or very slowed down almost as if I was stoned ! I do NOTdo drugs nor do I drink alcohol! When I am in a panick I really fear am going crazy I know I already said this but its frieking me right out! I also get leg jerking... Paranoia only about my symptoms am never off google! Wrong I know! I can't stop thinking its as if I can't switch off! When am busy am ok the occasional thought pops into my head but its ok but when am not doing anything I can't relax I go straight into panic mode! I force myself to go out when all i really Wana do is stay under my duvet and google stuff! I joined a gym to see if that would help but av no motivation! I still function normally doing house work and stuff with kids it's just a constant battle though as if my heads different from my body! Sorry for rambling on am just very confused and feel lost and lonely! Please someone tell me this is all just anxiety and not the start of anything serious please!
Background info- had anxiety 6 years ago was only physical symptoms and fear of dying lasted 7 months then just disappeared! This time round is very different and scary! I think I had depression for about 3/4 months last year at the end of it into this year! Didn't want to get up but had to as i have kids and i was constantly cleaning! Hated one thing outta place! I kept getting strange dizziness that lasted less than 2 seconds didn't think anything of it but I would worry about stupid things... Became a bit of an attempted perfectionist!
Skip ahead ... I had a panic attak and it was typical in my head was screaming wanting someone to help me! A week later whilst being shakey i was building a new swing set i bought my kids and i started crying to my grandmother begging her never to leave me (shes like my mum as i lost mine very young)my nose burst because of the crying! As usual dusted it off and things were fine again!that night I woke up out a sleep and just decided to commit suicide obviously loving my life I didn't really want to! So I ran upstairs and cried myself to sleep! So next day I got my kids and went to my fathers house told him everything and asked if we could live with him! The panic attacks got worse but the common symptoms I had where palpitations dry mouth frequent urination feeling terrified vision distorted was really scary! But then the worse hit me... Strange thoughts of losing control and harming someone... Weird images when I closed my eyes I read online this is all OCD or pure o! But then the guilt kicked in at having these thoughts and I hated myself.. I would rather die than hurt anyone! I told my dad everything he was great! I started googling schizophrenia and bipolar and psychosis ... Frieked myself right out! I started obsessing when I was gonna start hallucinating or hearing things I read people stories and became obsessed with them Please note I DON'T see or hear anything ! They spoke of there paranoia and omg I couldn't stop! I started analysing everything I did everything I heard saw said and smelled! I knew it was all fake but it still frieked me out! So I went to doctor he gave me citralopram not good gave me suicidal thoughts! Then sertraline made me as high as a kite! Then propanalol helped with the palpitations but gave me insomnia! This anxietys different I have had so many symptoms .. Scared of - cars, knifes or anything that could hurt someone, going crazy and having bi polar schizophrenia or psychosis... Sometimes am scared to sleep incase I loose control in my sleep I don't know what going on! Body- I get pins in needle sensations mostly in my skalp but today was in my face, palpitations
Eyes- vision goes weird sometimes I think i see dark movement out side of y eyes but nothings there when I look, static like vision, and black stringy shadows swaying according to everyone this is normal hut its scary,snail trails and after images! My visions the scariest symptom...sometimes almost dream like ...during an attak I feel either speeded up almost feel the adrenaline going thru my body or very slowed down almost as if I was stoned ! I do NOTdo drugs nor do I drink alcohol! When I am in a panick I really fear am going crazy I know I already said this but its frieking me right out! I also get leg jerking... Paranoia only about my symptoms am never off google! Wrong I know! I can't stop thinking its as if I can't switch off! When am busy am ok the occasional thought pops into my head but its ok but when am not doing anything I can't relax I go straight into panic mode! I force myself to go out when all i really Wana do is stay under my duvet and google stuff! I joined a gym to see if that would help but av no motivation! I still function normally doing house work and stuff with kids it's just a constant battle though as if my heads different from my body! Sorry for rambling on am just very confused and feel lost and lonely! Please someone tell me this is all just anxiety and not the start of anything serious please!