More to life than this?

[Cookie.]

Hi everyone

I'm not really sure how to write this out but here goes. I'm in my early twenties and have suffered anxiety and a bit of depression on and over the last few years. It started when I was at University and has been on and off ever since.

Anyway I sometimes have very deep emotional thoughts about is there more to life than this such as why are we here? were we born for a reason or to do something? I'm not a religious person so I'm not after a god answer if you know what I mean. I sometimes look at the world and think is this all we have i.e get up, go to work, come home, watch tv ect and go to bed and eventually die. I think I also have a bit of SAD because I feel more depressed on days where it's raining, cold ect. I'm a big movie watcher in my spare time and although I know that films are not reality I sometimes wish that I could swap places in an attempt to make my life a bit more exciting. I feel like everything is just so normal and boring. Don't get me wrong I'm more than appreciative of what I have. However it's got to the point where it's leading me into depression.

I think a lot is down to the fact that I don't really socialise with people and have never had a boyfriend. So a lot of time I feel lonely. Although on the outside I can come come across as confident in myself. Inside I'm a very different person, I'm shy, have issues with the way I look, constantly worried what people think of me ect. It's difficult for me to see friends of mine moving on with their lives and mine just feels the same. I worry about whats going to have when I grow older ect.

Anyone feel similar? :)

[Moley]

Awwwww reading this felt exactly like someone was talking about me. I was told the other day that I exsist that I do not live. I know that this is true. I am trying to make changes to my life to correct this. Normally I get up go to work come home and wait for it all to start again. I have been put on the sick because my depression has gotten worse. I don't want to sink into this depression and let it take over me so have been using it as a chance to go out an try some things. I have never been an ambitious person and never known what it is I want in life but I know that it is not the one I have.

I have been trying exercise classes and a relaxation class. Also been out for meals and to the cinema on my own.
I wish I could say something that would make it all better but I can't.
If you are not happy with how things are in your life then you are the only one who can change them.
I hope to be able to get back to my job soon but when I do I will keep making the effort to go to classes as not only do they give me something to do they get me around new people so there is the chance of building new friendships.

I hope that you can find something of use to you here in my post and on this site. Being on here I have found so much help and support so that you don't feel alone.

[theharvestmouse]

I feel exactly the same, I can't seem to just do normal life like everyone else, I am also quite lonely and my thoughts often turn to thinking I need to do something exciting or at least worthwhile with my life. People don't know the half of it, on the outside people think I am happy with my job, and things but inside I feel so unfulfilled and lonely. Both my sisters are married and yet I'm the oldest and have not even got a girlfriend.

[Sparkle1984]

Hi Cookie, I've been meaning to reply to this post for several days. I also have problems with existential anxiety - in fact most of my intrusive thoughts are about this subject.

I've often had thoughts like:
Why are we here if we're all going to end up dead anyway?
Is there a higher purpose to life?
Are there such things as souls and spirits?
What happens after death? Is there an afterlife? If there was no afterlife, would that make everything pointless?

I've also had more esoteric thoughts, such as:
If my parents had never met, would a person still have been born in the world with my consciousness? In other words, would I have been born in a different body?
If my mother had met a different man instead of my father, and had a baby with him, it would obviously look different to me (due to the different genes), but would that baby still have been born with my consciousness/my mind? In other words, would that baby still have been "me"? I've always wanted to know the answer to this question, but have never dared ask anyone in case they think I'm crazy! In fact I wonder if even scientists know the answer to this question?

[B-Brain]

For as long as I can remember I've always had this thought / realisation:

I could have been anybody, but somehow I ended up as the person I am with my characteristics and experiences. And one day I'm not going to exist anymore. I too will die and vanish forever.

Then I start to get upset and I try to push the thought out of my mind. I always thought I was only person to have thoughts like that because most people don't talk about stuff like that. Nice to know its not just me being a bit weird,

[Stormsky]

I've always had thoughts like this...even before Anx..
sometimes when I used to look in mirror, I'd get weird feeling of reality..like the fact we are here , how the world really started and one day we will die and they'll be nothingness