View Full Version : HORRIBLE intrusive thoughts (this may sound crazy)
Hi everyone,
I am new here and desperately looking for advice. Im 19 and hav had OCD since i was 11, and now im hitting breaking point. i can handle the whole 'did I turn the stove off?' thing, but it's the other thoughts i cant deal with.
I absolutely ADORE animals, and have two dogs of my own. for the past few years (and especially now) i hav had horrible thoughts about hurting them. i look at my dogs and then see a knife in the kitchen and think; 'itd be so easy to kill them, so why not just do it?!' then i pick up the knife and contemplate it. it is the WORST thing i hav ever been thru, and i cant get it to stop!
also, i MAKE myself look up all those horrible animal cruelty video thingies that ppl post on YouTube, just to torture myself. i dont know why i do it, all i know is that i would kill myself to save an animals' life, and now these thoughts are killing me.
what in the world can i do? ive seen dozens of psychs and NONE of them can help me with this!! how can i make it stop?!?!??!?!?!
(sorry if this sounded crazy or over-the-top, i just dont know where else to go :()
Thanks to anyone who can offer any advice
xx
hi
i realy think you need to go see your doctor tell him what is going on ask him to help im sure when you tell him he will have to do somthing to help you i dont think it is ok to try sort this out on your own .
i do think you need to stop looking at the vidios on youtube it wont help .
jodie
yorkylover
10-10-06, 15:10
Hi I know what your going through.I saw my gp for the same thing.I was put back on antidepressants,and they have helped.I to am an animal lover and have two dogs.I had the same thoughts you did,when I was given this forum I learned about these sort of thoughts on here and found out I wasnt going crazy.You need to see your gp.
I love my animals sooooooooo much I would never hurt any animal,and these thoughts were horrid,evil.I was having severe anxiety attacks at the time,and was put on valium.You really nee to see your gp.STOP LOOKING AT VIDEOS,they will make you more anxious.
Ellen XX
This is a classic anxiety symptom - for me, it was am I a danger to my children etc etc.
People who want to hurt or harm someone don't worry about doin it first - cos the difference is they actually want to. You don't or you wouldn't be worrying about it.
I think your anxiety levels are high at the moment so you want to work on lowering them. This can either be by chatting things over with your GP and seeing if they have any suggestions or by some of the many other ways.
I personally quite like Glenn Harrolds 'Complete Relaxation' cd. Or I also have a good muscle relaxation cd from the charity NoPanic. Don't forget the charity also have a phone line you can ring if it all feels like its getting a bit much.
Honestly mate once you get those anxiety levels lowered the horrible thoughts will gradually disappear. I only check the back door several thousand times a night now! :D:D:D
Piglet x
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi,
I have found this site really good - http://www.ocduk.org - there are self-help pages and excellent advice and reassurance from psychiatrists who really know what they are on about.
I hope this is of some help!
L
ohh thank you so much, Jodie, Ellen, Piglet and Lizard for replying, i feel a lot better knowing that im not alone!!
i went to uni today and made an appointment with a counsellor, and im kinda upset coz the next appointment with ANY of them, is at least 2 weeks away. i really need help now lol.
but still, ive managed to not look at the YouTube videos for a few weeks--its just hard coz i absolutely hate looking at them, but it's like im FORCED to look at them just to torment myself. does that make sense? im just so scared of losing control and dont know how to cope--the last thing i wanna look at is poor animals being tortured, and yet it feels like something is forcing me to look at them! (no, im not schitzophrenic, just got a serious case of OCD).
any suggestions? im just not sure how to handle this until i see my new counsellor [:X][?]
once again, thank you again, i really appreciate it!
;)[:I]
xx
scatty_cat
12-10-06, 12:48
This is really weird - I can relate to this totally. Only last night I told my Mum (never told anyone before) that I had been having these kind of thoughts. I absolutely worship my cats but I've had these thoughts come into my head that it would be so easy to pick them up and throw them against the wall. I despise myself for even allowing a thought like that to enter my head and of course I would NEVER EVER hurt them. But the fact that I could even think it scares me so much.
I've had thoughts like that too about my boys but I don't even want to think about it again to write them down or say it to anyone.
scattycat:
do u worry that you WILL do it? or is it that you just get weird thoughts that u dont like? my fear is that i WILL hurt them, that some force will take over me and make me kill them or something. does this happen to you?
xx
scatty_cat
12-10-06, 13:06
I think it's the fact that I even have these thoughts in the first place that worries me. I don't think, in fact I'm sure I wouldn't ever act on them but then it scares me that if I wasn't in a 'normal' (ha what's that?) frame of mind I could. Does that make any sense?
I've had thoughts like that before, about pets, and hurting myself/others. It is so distressing. I've also had that compulsion to repeatedly read or look at thingsthat upset me. But as said before on the post - you do not want to do those things, you are horrified and worried by the very thought. And that is the defining factor - as horrible as it is, it's a very common part of OCD.
L x
Ooh you've just posted again - yes, I think that is what keeps OCD intrusive thoughts alive, that fear that 'but what if I did'? All part of the anxiety cycle - it only makes you worry more.
Everything I've ever read about OCD has stressed that those of us who think crazy, violent thoughts NEVER act them out. I wonder what drives it? I think it's the 'brain click' of not being able to think of anything else, a high emotional intelligense and perhaps vulnerability, and a low self esteem.
L x
yorkylover
13-10-06, 17:34
Does anyone know why we actually get these thoughts.They are so flippin scarey:(I thought I was going mad and was going to end up in a psychiatric hospital a couple of months ago,luckily I found this site and realised it wasnt just me.:):):)[Yeah!]
Ellen XX
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi everyone,
I am new here and desperately looking for advice. Im 19 and hav had OCD since i was 11, and now im hitting breaking point. i can handle the whole 'did I turn the stove off?' thing, but it's the other thoughts i cant deal with.
I absolutely ADORE animals, and have two dogs of my own. for the past few years (and especially now) i hav had horrible thoughts about hurting them. i look at my dogs and then see a knife in the kitchen and think; 'itd be so easy to kill them, so why not just do it?!' then i pick up the knife and contemplate it. it is the WORST thing i hav ever been thru, and i cant get it to stop!
also, i MAKE myself look up all those horrible animal cruelty video thingies that ppl post on YouTube, just to torture myself. i dont know why i do it, all i know is that i would kill myself to save an animals' life, and now these thoughts are killing me.
what in the world can i do? ive seen dozens of psychs and NONE of them can help me with this!! how can i make it stop?!?!??!?!?!
(sorry if this sounded crazy or over-the-top, i just dont know where else to go :()
Thanks to anyone who can offer any advice
xx
<div align="right">Originally posted by up_n_down - 10 October 2006 : 12:10:52</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Hi,
Until you can see your counsellor I have heard of a book called 'Brain Lock' http://www.amazon.co.uk/Brain-Lock-Jeffrey-M-Schwartz/dp/0060987111/sr=8-1/qid=1160829452/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/202-2625633-2401420?ie=UTF8 - this is the link on Amazon (although it is co.uk so you may need to log into amazon.com). It looks like this is very effective as it follows the treatment of CBT which is one of the recommended treatments for OCD. I am going to order it myself.
L
thank you to everyone else who has posted--i really am feeling better!! and Lizard, thanks for those helpful links!!
ELLEN: i think we get these thoughts coz of a lack of Seratonin, which is the brain chemical that makes us happy or something. thats why pills like Zoloft and Prozac may help, coz they regulate the seratonin levels.
i actually DID end up going to a psych ward a few years back, coz i took a rope in my hands and starting bawling my eyes out coz i thought i was gonna hang myself. zoloft really helped with that, coz it helped me see sense when i was having the thoughts. ppl with normal levels of seratonin still get the same kinda thoughts, but they know they WONT act on them, which i think is the main difference between OCD sufferers and non-sufferers.
thanks again everyone, since coming to this site i hav felt a lot better!!
:)[:P][:X]:D
xx
Glad to be of some help. You ARE going to be o.k. - it will take a while but it DOES get better!
aww thanks Lizard [8D]:D i really appreciate all ur advice!
i think im realising what the problem is with my compulsions--i want the obsessive thoughts to go away so badly, that i feel like if i just give into them and look up sad videos or consider hurting others, then the thoughts will go away.
and it's true, the thoughts DO go away, coz im ACTING on them! but i dont want to act on them, i just want them to go away and not come back. the worst thing (other than the obsessions) is actually acting on them. im scared of losing control. any advice on how to change thought processes? im so lost.
thanks again!! xx
;);)
I thought I was literally going Schizo when I felt an urge to jump over the railing at a two-storey mall. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to fall down to the ground floor. I never seriously considered suicide. Being a hypochondriac, I worried about going Schizophrenia for about 2 weeks, until I started worrying about other stuff this week. I'm relieved to know that this is part of depression/anxiety.
I just want to say you are really brave for your post - i have been experiencing the EXACT same thing and have been soooo ashamed to say it to anyone terrified of what they might think of me!
Well done and thanks for your post, it has really put me at ease, hope you are feeling better too.
xxxxxxxxxxx
i agree with jody stop looking at them videos they not helping you you need to see doctor grts some advise
Trust me, you are NOT alone with these intrusive thoughts.
I came to this site early last year as i began to have 'bad' thoughts about harming my children. At its worst, i would avoid the kitchen in fear id get a knife and harm one or all of them. Id go to bed and imagine harming them (oddly mainly my eldest)..Id have to keep the radio on through-out the night to give my mind something else to think of.
I thought i was a bad, evil mother and consoled myself by thoughts that SHOULD i actually go to harm them, id take my own life before touching a hair on their heads..just so i could protect them from me.
I cried and kept these thoughts to myself in fear that should i speak up, my kids would be removed from my care and id be seen as evil. No one would understand etc etc.
Thankfully i found this site and had the courage to speak out about my thoughts. I began to realise that as intrusive and disturbing as they were, they were thoughts...NOT something i would ever do..just silly, nasty intrusive thoughts. If i was a sick evil mother..the last thing id be doing is crying over it or talking rationaly on here about it!
When i began to believe what nonsense these thoughts were, they became easier to handle. I learnt to divert my attentions elsewhere..or even laugh them off. The thoughts were brought on by stress in my life and the more i worried over them, or fought with them..the worse they became.
so my advice is, please please do NOT worry! They are ONLY thoughts and as nasty as they are, they are also harmless. You are not a bad person, nor are you going mad.
im about if you ever fancy a chat
take care xxx
hi there,
i have OCD since about being 5 or 6 and it got realyl bad as i hit teenage years, i got simialr thoughts about huritng people i love and it scared the hell out of me. What you have to remember is that the fact you are worried about it proves you wouldnt do it - the people who would do that kinda thing dont worry or care about it, i had one or 2 thoughts about animals and my dogs once or twice. Ask your doc about Olanzapine - its a thought stopper pill and im on it to prevetn intrusive thoughts and its amazing. I still get imtrusive thoughts about my ex and paicing about what she is doing every sat night - is she out? and i force myself to go out - like it was a competition every weekend and its killing me - i have burnt my arm badlye and all sorts to deal with it, so i do understand how bad it can be. hope that helps. write back if you need any advice. take care, Matt
Hi, i get this as well!
more so with things about my family etc.
really horrible things that i cant even say what they are or begin to describe as its to horrible to think about. i often pick up these thoughts when i see something horrible or hear something then immediatly put a member of my family in that situation then it becomes even more horrible. I feel like i cannot control it. Like its controlling me in a way. i also keep getting frightening dreams. All of this and im only 16?
I sufffer from anxiety from time to time and partly depression.
Apparently thoughts like this can be a symptom of Bipolar.
I see when someones nieve.
i have began to have a fear of knives and scissors as i picture things and think how nieve someone or myself could be when they are around.
it all sounds so strange and wouldnt expect anyone to understand who doesnt have the same problem. i just want them to go away. i would NEVER EVER hurt my family. but its also picturing them in horrible situations.
it frightens me to the point of exhaustion.
anyone feel like this?
thankss
x
People who want to hurt or harm someone don't worry about doin it first - cos the difference is they actually want to. You don't or you wouldn't be worrying about it.
I had the same, but about my daughter when she was a baby. I thought about knives, boiling water and assorted hideous things, and each one made me so terrified. As quoted above, it is your fear of anything happening to them and of 'losing control' that is causing this, you are the least likely person to do anything as you find it so hideous ! This is SUCH a common symptom of high levels of anxiety, in the few months I've been on this site, there have been many threads very similar to yours. Trust me, you won't act on it. My doctor/s were not even vaguely shocked by my similar thoughts when I had them 12 years ago!
If you look at the amount of posts about horrible intrusive thoughts you will realise that they are common and that you are not going mad or bipolar!! They are a symptom of a tired, anxious mind - sometimes depression can cause them too. As Dr. Claire Weekes says " you follow your thoughts determined to find out their worst. How mad can you be? It doesn't matter what your thoughts are as long as you don't think about them fearfully"!! When you stop being afraid of them they will gradually go. And even if they come back now and again you won't be afraid, a bit anxious again probably, but they won't have the same power over you. There are antidepressants that are great for these thoughts, just to get you through the worst of it until you get the strength up to cope alone - and you can and will get through it. Don't despair.
Myra:hugs:
I feel like i cannot control it. Like its controlling me in a way.
EdwardC, I SO feel for you. I can relate entirely to your feelings. I class myself as an ex-anxiety sufferer, but in my hey day I was one of the worst imaginable :roflmao:Pretty much nothing phases me now in my social life, working life or home life, but there was a time when I too had similar thoughts. I believed that I would 'do awful things' to people, that something would make me, and it was outside of my control. As soon as I started going down that route, I was convinced that I would pick up a knife or something and hurt someone close to me, BUT in reality I was actually sickened/terrified/distraught at that thought. So, distraught by it that it would consume me and I would be panicked beyond belief. When you get these feelings you need to remind yourself that you are the least likely person to do anything unpleasant to anyone, it is your fear making you feel this way, it is an anxiety trick...and a common one at that !
Hi, i get this as well!
more so with things about my family etc.
really horrible things that i cant even say what they are or begin to describe as its to horrible to think about. i often pick up these thoughts when i see something horrible or hear something then immediatly put a member of my family in that situation then it becomes even more horrible. I feel like i cannot control it. Like its controlling me in a way. i also keep getting frightening dreams. All of this and im only 16?
I sufffer from anxiety from time to time and partly depression.
Apparently thoughts like this can be a symptom of Bipolar.
I see when someones nieve.
i have began to have a fear of knives and scissors as i picture things and think how nieve someone or myself could be when they are around.
it all sounds so strange and wouldnt expect anyone to understand who doesnt have the same problem. i just want them to go away. i would NEVER EVER hurt my family. but its also picturing them in horrible situations.
it frightens me to the point of exhaustion.
anyone feel like this?
thankss
x
You're not alone with these thoughts Edward. The more energy you give them by feeling guilty about having them and trying to "fight" them, the more frequent and intense they can become, so along with this understanding I think it's also important to seek treatment, in the form of medication, talking therapies/self-help or both. Don't feel alone and isolated - you can get better - but you must seek help from your GP (who will refer you if necessary).
Take care
Thankyou :) this makes me feel a lot better! i have an appointment at the doctors later on in the week, so i will explain and hopefully get a bit of a push along the way of fighting against these thoughts, thankyou :) xx
I have the exact same problem, it's like my mind wont relax until i have accepted i have done the worst things possible on earth. and i convince myself and obsess over thoughts that ive done them making me depressed. my worst fear is not the people ive hurt ( although i wouldn't want to hurt anyone) its that my family will disown me and hate me. i feel sick for thinking im capable and id rather not live if i am?
i feel like my mind needs a break because right now i cant think straight, thoughts that were once sickening to me, seem like ''oh its not the bad'' and i hate myself for it. im caught up in my obsessions and thoughts i dont know whats real or not.
why is it that your mind searches for evidence that you have done the worst things ever?
i know that this post is a few years old, so i hope that you have got better and are living a happy life and if you are please could you tell me how you managed to beat this?
Hi Lily,
why is it that your mind searches for evidence that you have done the worst things ever?
It's probably because that’s what you’re asking it for. Not directly, but indirectly by trying so hard to not have those thoughts. You see, the subconscious part of the mind cannot comprehend the idea of ‘not’ wanting to think about something in the way the conscious mind can. It just picks up on your thoughts and assumes that’s what you want to know about, then it tries to oblige.
For example: if I were to say, whatever you do, DO NOT think about a pink elephant; what are you thinking about? It’s there, isn’t it? And the harder you try not to think about it, the bigger and pinker it becomes!
What would happen if you think about a bright blue cow instead? Has the pink elephant gone this time?
See? The mind always tries to give us what we think about. So the secret is not to not think about the things you don’t want but to think of something else you do want instead. Just dismiss any of those horrid intrusive thoughts as an unwanted nuisance, and think of something else.
Take care :)
Nigel
I get those feelings now and again say for instance when I'm talking to someone face to face and thought might pop into my head like "what if I just punched this person for no reason" or something like that. We all get intrusive thoughts and urges (especially those with OCD) but actually going out of your way to look things up like that on YouTube sounded like a real problem which needed to stop.
Thank you Nigel for putting it like that, it makes a lot of rational sense and it's such a comfort knowing that i'm not alone in this.
I have been told by everyone who ive confided in to occupy my mind with positive things and i'm trying. The only hard thing about this is , somewhere in my mind i feel a burdon of guilt because my mind is so foggy and i cant separate the real thoughts and memories from the intrusive and possibly imagination thoughts and memories so when i try to do happy positive things a small voice is telling me i shouldn't because i should suffer and feel guilty. is this common for people to go through when they're dealing with this kind of anxiety? because i find it the hardest thing ever.
i feel as though my mind needs a rest as if i could block out every thought for a while so that i could see clearly eventually , because i feel as though its tired with all these bad thoughts entering my mind and making me doubt myself. i just need a break from thinking.
thanks for your support! i really appreciate it
Lily.
This is really weird - I can relate to this totally. Only last night I told my Mum (never told anyone before) that I had been having these kind of thoughts. I absolutely worship my cats but I've had these thoughts come into my head that it would be so easy to pick them up and throw them against the wall. I despise myself for even allowing a thought like that to enter my head and of course I would NEVER EVER hurt them. But the fact that I could even think it scares me so much.
I've had thoughts like that too about my boys but I don't even want to think about it again to write them down or say it to anyone.
I understand this, I wont write down either, sending HUGS X 1000000000
hi there,
i have OCD since about being 5 or 6 and it got realyl bad as i hit teenage years, i got simialr thoughts about huritng people i love and it scared the hell out of me. What you have to remember is that the fact you are worried about it proves you wouldnt do it - the people who would do that kinda thing dont worry or care about it, i had one or 2 thoughts about animals and my dogs once or twice. Ask your doc about Olanzapine - its a thought stopper pill and im on it to prevetn intrusive thoughts and its amazing. I still get imtrusive thoughts about my ex and paicing about what she is doing every sat night - is she out? and i force myself to go out - like it was a competition every weekend and its killing me - i have burnt my arm badlye and all sorts to deal with it, so i do understand how bad it can be. hope that helps. write back if you need any advice. take care, Matt
Guys I have been this way too and it's a chemical imbalance in the brain not you, medication can help when it gets beyond a joke and is seriously interfering with your life. Please don't suffer too long with these thoughts they are cruel and not fair on you.
Hi
I know this is an old thread but it kinda suits what I am going through atm.
I have been having aweful thoughts about my 2 year old son, who I absolutely adore.
I know deep down I would NEVER EVER do anything to him but I an gettign myself into a right state as these horrible thoughts are in my mind.
I panic that I am even thinking these thigns and it scares the crap out of me that I am thinking thing.
I am just looking for reassurances that it is not me being a bad evil person and going completley phyco!!
I was at home on my own the other night with my son and we were having tea and I was peeling him an apple (which he loves btw :)) and I had to get the knife away from me as I had these horrible thoughts!!!!!! Since then I have been really anxious about my sanity which I think in turn has made my horrid thoughts worse.
It has put me at ease a bit after finding this thread that it is not me loosing my mind and it does happen.
I cant say it enough, my little boy is the absolute joy of my world but I am so confused as to why these horrible/evil things enter my mind
william wallace
05-12-11, 17:04
n00b
It's obvious from your honest post that you love your wee boy and would never hurt him. Anxiety is a terrible thing, and can play havoc with your mind and your thoughts.
I'm sure that in a situation, you would kill or die to PROTECT your wee boy....
You dont say if you're on any meds or therapy but if you're not you should see your GP.
Sending you a :hugs:even though you're a bloke, sounds like you need one.
Regards, WW (bloke)
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