Freaked
08-07-13, 22:47
I was never prone to anxiety or depression, but since my health probs started in February, the rug has been pulled from under my life, and some days...
I was studying to be a psychologist and I know the symptoms of depression, so I can recognise myself exhibiting them. I've been so debilitated lately with my fast heart rate and faintness (suspected POTS syndrome) that at times I feel like the world...isn't for me anymore. I try to fight this feeling, but...
Not to give tmi, but I tried to be intimate with my boyfriend earlier for the first time since I got sick. It didn't really work out and I felt so physically awful afterwards. For another example it's a heatwave here atm, and I normally love tanning, the beach and all things summer. But my illness includes heat intolerance and I get tachycardia (fast heart) and faintness every time I try to lie in the sun. As for the beach, I'd feel so sick it just wouldn't be worth it. I had to drop out of college for the year when i was supposed to have my degree by now and be going to new york this summer. My friends come over and tell me about holidays, work and parties I couldn't go to.
It's so ironic. I've been around depressed people, and most of the time they're unhappy with their lives or themselves. I had and still have (touch wood) a good life... I just can't be much of a part of it. I'm starting to feel like I'm seeing the world through a cage. It's pretty and all, but often feels like it's...not for me. Not a good sign :unsure:
I was studying to be a psychologist and I know the symptoms of depression, so I can recognise myself exhibiting them. I've been so debilitated lately with my fast heart rate and faintness (suspected POTS syndrome) that at times I feel like the world...isn't for me anymore. I try to fight this feeling, but...
Not to give tmi, but I tried to be intimate with my boyfriend earlier for the first time since I got sick. It didn't really work out and I felt so physically awful afterwards. For another example it's a heatwave here atm, and I normally love tanning, the beach and all things summer. But my illness includes heat intolerance and I get tachycardia (fast heart) and faintness every time I try to lie in the sun. As for the beach, I'd feel so sick it just wouldn't be worth it. I had to drop out of college for the year when i was supposed to have my degree by now and be going to new york this summer. My friends come over and tell me about holidays, work and parties I couldn't go to.
It's so ironic. I've been around depressed people, and most of the time they're unhappy with their lives or themselves. I had and still have (touch wood) a good life... I just can't be much of a part of it. I'm starting to feel like I'm seeing the world through a cage. It's pretty and all, but often feels like it's...not for me. Not a good sign :unsure: