Closet anxiety sufferer

[Meewah]

Hi All

I have suffered with Anxiety most of my adult life but had it to the point that it severely restricts my life since late 2006. My problem is I feel very isolated. Initially I involved my wife in how I was feeling, well I had to as she would have thought I was acting strange but I soon become paranoid that she would feel it was too much to deal with as we also have three children. So i learnt coping skills to keep my issues to myself. My problem is that I feel that not sharing my feelings with someone close to me is like living a lie. I do not want her to feel needs to find a more emotionally stronger partner. I feel like I am treading water at the moment and getting nowhere. The problem is that the longer I go without sharing my issues the harder it is to talk about them as I feel that she would be surprised that I am still suffering with anxiety and want out.

Not sure what to do. Do I continue to pretend all is well? I know it is an issue because my sister fell out with me as she thought I had issues with her but I confided in her and told her it was all anxiety that makes me withdrawn and she was not aware that I was still suffering with it.

Has anyone had a similar experience.?

[Tufty]

It's a difficult one. You've done incredibly well to hide it from your wife for so long but this in itself is tiring and can add to your anxiety.

Pretending you are well and do not feel anxiety is an excellent strategy to recover from anxiety, it enables you to carry on with normal life and helps prevent depression. However, everyone needs someone to confide in, to say 'yes, I appear to be OK but I'm actually finding this really difficult' and most of us turn to our nearest and dearest as counsellors in the UK are hard to access.

I vary my approach :D, sometimes I pretend all is well but when it becomes too much I do confide in my other half that I am not coping well. I worry about becoming a burden to him, worrying him and him rejecting me but this is the anxiety affecting my perceptions and not reality.

If I were on the other side and the partner of an anxiety sufferer I would want to know if they were finding it tough so I could support them but that's because I have experienced how devastating and hard anxiety is.

I would continue to pretend that everything is OK as much as possible but confide in my partner that I am still struggling with anxiety sometimes. I believe most partners would notice some change in us anyway, my partner seems to know how I feel without me saying much, he doesn't always question me about it though. It is highly improbable that she would want out of the relationship, with 3 children and the strength you have shown holding it together and 'pretending' makes you strong, thoughtful and unselfish person - why would she want to be without you?

Ideally a therapist to offload to would be a good idea, have you spoken to your GP about this?

Take care
Sam

[Clint70]

Hey mate I really understand what your going through, I told a few people at the start of my recent flare up.
Unfortunately I regretted it, as I came to realise quiet quickly that unless you have actually suffered from proper anxiety you just can't understand it and many people will see us genuine sufferers as weak or whingers.
My tact for the last 2 months is to share it here and hide it from everyone else. This is what works for me but my family and friends aren't exactly sensitive souls they're a tough bunch but I know they love me lol.

[Spot-the-frog]

I kept it hidden for years, but eventually it all came to a head and I had a melt-down. For the first time ever I talked to my partner about it and he has been and still is brilliant, he truly is my rock. He has experience with mental health so that is a huge plus. I also told my sister, parents and my two children. I don't feel the need to tell all and sundry. For me it has been a positive thing. I do sometimes worry that they will get fed up with me when things are bad but that is the anxiety talking, I feel like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders by letting them know.

It sounds as if you have a very strong relationship with your wife, I would explain to her what you are going through, then when things are bad you know you can share your worries with her. I don't offload to my partner all the time, but when things start to get a little bit out of hand then I let him know, though to be honest he usually knows anyway!