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View Full Version : Feel like I am at rock bottom, I don't know where to go from here :(



karlyo
10-07-13, 18:06
The past few months have been the worst of my life. I am 28 and feel like I am 98.

A few months back an ecg threw up an abnormality, which led to test after test, which revealed a congential heart defect. 2 months later I was having heart surgery. My anxiety at this point was manageable, I coped well. I recovered, and felt great, everyone said how well I looked.

2 weeks later my anxiety hit. I had headaches for weeks and had to work through all of the brain tumour worries, and came out the other side.
Then a few weeks ago I got awful tonsilitis. Antiobiotics fixed it but I have felt terrible ever since. My enitre neck hurts. My glands are sore, I have tender spots on the front of my neck lower down, my shoulders and back of neck is incredibly tense. Everything hurts. I have cycled back and forth between lymphoma, thyroid cancer, leukaemia...everything. I just broke down in front of the GP cos I feel so awful. She said it is not unnusual to still feel unwell after a nasty infection, especially given I have also had heart surgery, but has ordered blood tests in case. I am also waiting for CBT.

I just cant keep doing this, I havent got the energy to keep working through this, and calming myself down, I am so tired. I keep thinking this CANT just be anxiety, all of this must mean I am ill. And then I keep thinking how can this be fair, isnt the heart thing enough on my plate this year?

I am just so low today. :(

xvolatileheart
10-07-13, 23:31
Try not to be so hard on yourself - that is a lot to go through in a few months! Your doctor sounds very helpful, and I'm sure the CBT will be helpful. I know the feeling of being exhausted from feeling ill and not trusting it's anxiety - I'm fighting the same battle! But you're going to get through it. :hugs:

karlyo
11-07-13, 22:38
Thank you, that is really nice. I do find it so hard to believe that anxiety can make me feel this bad.

And the incredibly tender spots around my lower neck and thyroid....bugging me so much. It is taking ALL of my willpower not to google. If I do, I know I will think I have thyroid cancer. But I am already wondering about that even without googling!