Is it normal to feel like this?

[Hyena]

Hi everyone, well my anxiety has gone on and off in the past few weeks and I haven't had a panic attack for months, but I am feeling really weird right now.
Since this whole panic disorder started I've been having lots of negative thoughts which completely changed my vision of the world... I am doing therapy and seeing a psychiatrist but I can't get this thoughts out of my head... I keep questioning why we exist and why live if we're going to die anyway... why do we do the things we do and stuff like that... I see people going on with their lives but it all seems so impossible, life looks difficult to me... everything seems so pointless and I can't enjoy the things I used to... my dreams completely disappeared and it feels like I forgot what happiness feels like. I look around and everything looks so blurry, objects seem so weird to me... everything seems really weird, specially humans, the humanity itself... Sometimes I even feel like I can't recognize my friends and family. I've written this many times but I don't want to keep living like this... I don't want my happiness to come from medicine, I don't wanna use meds for the rest of my life, I simply don't want to live with this, it's destroying me completely. I constantly think about suicide because life seems pretty pointless to me :( I can't enjoy things because I always have this thoughts inside of my head and it's impossible to forget them.

Is this all because of my anxiety disorder? I used to be happy and feel good until I had my first panic attack, now I look back and it seems like my whole life has been a nightmare. Now I get anxious and nervous about everything even stupid things like going to sleep or thinking about tomorrow. I try to distract myself but there's always the thoughts in my head saying "why are you doing this, it's pointless" and stuff like that. I'm really scared and depressed. :(

[Speranza]

That's sad to hear. But absolutely no reason to think you will always be this way, honestly. xx

[xvolatileheart]

I so know how you feel. :hugs: I have a lot of bad days mixed with a few good moments and I hold onto those. I really want life to be wonderful and I guess I still believe with a tiny part of myself that it one day will be. Keep working towards getting better, please don't give up.

[Speranza]

That was a sweet reply.

[reenymac]

Hyena, I fully understand everything your saying, I feel as though anxiety and panic attacks are a way of rebirth, I think once we recover from this horrible place we are in, we can take with us some compassion, I know what your saying I have totally lost my zest for life, I was always such a bubbly easy going person, but I think I took to many kicks to the teeth and find myself suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, hopefully recovery is near, I look for inspiration from music a lot of songs help me through listening to lyrics etc, think we got to go to that place to get us to a even better place, wishing you well on your journey.


Take Care Reeny

[Hyena]

Thank you so much for your replies everyone :hugs: They did make me feel a little better.

Sometimes I feel a rush of motivation but unfortunately it only lasts for a few moments :unsure: Everytime I feel like I'm getting better I get a setback and it also worries me that even if I get better one day I can always get back to stage zero because I've seen that happen with many people :weep:


Everytime I get distracted or interested by something I always end up thinking "why am I doing this" and I can't get the thought out of my head that nothing of this really matters if we're all going to die one day :unsure: I don't want to think like this because I know I didn't use to think like this and I don't want to develop a depression problem...
but everytime I look at someone I can't help but think that person or animal will end up dead :weep:

And everytime I realise I'm alive and I can die at any moments it's like getting a punch in the stomach... It's like I'm afraid do live if that makes any sense :unsure:

And other thing that is really concerning me is that everytime I think about humanity and how society is organized and anything to do with the world and how things work I get a derealization feeling as if everything is not real... everything in this world seems so weird :scared15:

[Invisibletouch]

Hi there.....im sorry you are having these feelings. When i suffered badly from depression a few years ago now, i had very much the same feelings as if nothing was real and everything felt weird and strange. Also the hopeless feelings that i had no joy in anything anymore. All i kept saying was that i wanted to get back to how i was and feel normal.
I really didn't want to go on medication but in the end i would have done anything to feel better, so i did start anti depressants and after a while they did make a huge difference, and eventually i was able to come off of them.
It is possible that you could be suffering with a form of depression that is making you feel this way. If you are already on medication and its not working it maybe a good idea to see your Doctor and explain that things are not good. It can take a while to get the right medication for you and although you say you don't want to live on meds it doesn't mean you will have to stay on them for ever, just until you feel well again.
As the others have said, please don't give up, the feelings will ease off, but it is important to get some help to get you through this.
Take care.....

[Ccat]

Hi HYena

I honestly could have written your post - I can realte to all you are saying- and my heart goes out to you- it is such an awful feeling. I am having horrid thoughts about loosing the people i love too- I said to the dr- everything just seems pointless

I am on sertraline- she has upped my dose. Are you taking any meds? I didnt want to but was desperate

sending you :hugs: and please know- you are not the only one to feel this way- and many people have felt like this then got better we must try to hold on to that

love ccat xxx

[Hyena]

Hey Invisibletouch, thanks for your reply... are you feeling better from your depression? I mean, do you feel free from it? I'm sorry for the questions but right now I'm feeling a little desperate because I read everywhere that there isn't a cure for depression and I wouldn't stand living with it forever :weep:

Hi Ccat, thanks for replying :hugs: are you feeling better now...? I am taking sertraline, alprazolam and pregabalin... they have helped me alot with my anxiety and I haven't had a panic attack since I started the treatment which is very good but I keep feeling more and more depressed :weep: My life used to be really good and it would still be, a lot of good things are going on right now but I just can't feel happy about them :weep: I only started feeling this way after my second panic attack (I didn't know it was a panic attack back then and I thought I was dying) so my doctor thinks I might be really stressed from the experience and that's why I'm having this bad thoughts, and if I just 'discovered' death... he might be right but a lot is going on in my head right now..
I don't want to die but at the same time I'm feeling very suicidal and thinking that death might be better than being alive because we wouldn't feel this way...
I'm having this suicidal thoughts and I can perfectly classify them as just thoughts and I know I would never commit suicide but this thoughts are killing me inside :weep: Everything seems so pointless, weird and unknown... :unsure:
For example yesterday I was at a pet shop and I was happy because they let me hold a snake which I really love and I actually forgot about everything for seconds and felt happy but then I thought why am I feeling like this if the snake is going to die anyway and me too and then I started feeling depressed again :weep: I know this wasn't the way I used to look at the world but now I can't help but think like that!! I'm so scared I might do something bad because I feel terrible about everything.
My psychotherapist tells me it's going to be okay and that I will be fully recovered but everyone else tells me otherwise, that there are no cure for mental health disorders :weep: I'm trying to distract myself everyway I can but everything I do seems pointless to me. And I'm always feeling so tired, waking up in the morning feels like a nightmare to me :unsure:

[Ccat]

Hello again Hyena

Well- I really do believe people can improve and recover from depression- it sounds as if- invisibletouch feels a lot better for example-try not to listen to those who disagree-

There are people on here who have had a big improvement but I think it can take some time-

Does the person you are seeing do Cognitive behavioural therapy-? A lot of people on here have said it has helped them, and i want to try it.

You used to be well and you will be again

best wishes to you - xx

[Hyena]

Hi again Ccat and thanks for answering =)

I really hope so :weep: I've been feeling more and more depressed those days. I had to call my therapist because I couldn't take it anymore. She said she was going to discuss my medication with my psychiatrist because by this time I should be feeling better from the depression.

I have zero motivation to do anything and you wouldn't believe if I tould you how many projects I had for my future. Now everything seems pointless and I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up so that I won't have to feel like this... I'm trying to hold on but it's been very difficult. I literally spend my day waiting for it to end.

She never told me it directly but yes I think she does and we already started it I think? It was helping me a lot in the beginning...

Thank you so much for your support :hugs:

[Ccat]

I'm sorry you are still not so good Hyena.

ts good that thy are going to discuss your medication- it could make a big difference.

Please don't give up hope- there is no reason that you won't get better- however bad you feel at the moment- and then you can plan ahead once more and look forward to the future instread of fearing it-

this is what i am trying to work towards too.

best wishes :hugs:

[Stormsky]

I recovered from depression... So I'm sure you will too..

[Invisibletouch]

Yes i did recover....please don't believe that you can't recover because you can. This bad episode of mine happened about 20 years ago. Recovery is a very gradual process so its not going to happen anywhere near as quickly as we would like. The feelings you are experiencing i can totally understand and i never thought i would be "normal" again.
Keep working with your psychotherapist and hopefully they can also adjust your medication, because sometimes its just a case of getting the right balance.

[Hyena]

Thank you so much Ccat, I hope you recover soon too :hugs: And I'm sure you will. You're really nice to be here helping others while you're still suffering too... I really appreciate that =)

Stormsky, I am really glad to hear that! Thank you so much for telling me it. I really hope so :D

Invisibletouch, thanks for replying =) I'm really happy you recovered, that gives me hope. My psychotherapist is trying to contact my psychiatrist so they can adjust my meds :yahoo:

I don't want to post here only the bad things so I want to say that yesterday I talked with my psychotherapist and I felt so much better :yahoo: she explained to me that what I'm experiencing is called reactive depression from my panic disorder... and made me realise something:

I had my first panic attack some months ago and everyone told me it was a breaking strain so I didn't really care and I felt great the next day!

Then I had my second panic attack some weeks later and I began to feel very scared because I thought I was going mad or had a brain tumor or something like that. That's where everything started... I felt so nervous and scared the next weeks and I did every possible medical exam. I suffered from health anxiety until someone actually told me what was wrong with me (panic disorder)

Guess what? I haven't had a panic attack since :yahoo:
Then I started feeling really bad about a buzzing noise in my ear... I felt the anxiety coming again and I even had suicidal thoughts about it!
But then I started suffering really bad depersonalization and derealisation and I completely forgot about the buzzing noise because I was so concerned about the dp/dr...
Now I completely forgot about the dp/dr because I was worrying to much about my thoughts :doh: and I haven't had a dp/dr feeling ever since

Realising that made me feel way much better because I understood how things come and go when we have something else to worry about :roflmao:

I still feel kinda weird but I'm feeling much better and I wanted to share this with you guys :yahoo:

[Mummytofour]

Hi hyena,

I can relate to how your feeling as I have had a lot of the derealisation/depersonalisation feelings since getting this health anxiety which started a couple of months ago. Mine also started after having several panic attacks in one day. I also have the thoughts of dying and about something happening to my children, my mum or what if I get a terminal illness etc etc.

It's not nice at all but your not alone and I believe we can all get through this. I too always think 'will this ever end' so I should take my own advice there too lol.

I am also on medication but instead I am on citalopram but think am still settling in on my higher dose and will hopefully feel some relief soon. If your meds aren't working definitely find out about finding a new dose or trying a different one, maybe that one is just not right for you.

I really hope you have some good days and these good days make you feel more positive and that you can feel good again with time. I know how hard it is honestly but when these thoughts come into my head I push them out and focus on something else. Easier said than done i know as sometimes I can't do it.

Take care and try to really pamper yourself with doing lots of things you used to enjoy.:hugs:

Maxine

[Invisibletouch]

I'm so glad that these messages have helped you and made you more optimistic. I know it helps so much to know that others are going through or have been through the same thing.
When you are going through any of the anxiety or depression disorders, as you say, something we have been so worried about will then be replaced by another worry and we realise that the original problem has gone, or at least really faded into the background.
Really good that talking with your psythotherapist has helped you.
Let us know how things go....

[Ccat]

Hello again Hyena

so glad to hear you have been feeling a bit better.

:hugs:

[jjgamesroom73]

Before answer your question i want to explain what is the main symptom of anxiety in a short way. Anxiety is the body’s natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that goes off when you feel threatened, under pressure, or are facing a stressful situation.