View Full Version : Anxiety/depression about tonsil/throat
Way back in February I posted about an issue I've been having with my left tonsil and strange sensations in my throat... Well, two ENT consultations later and with another one coming up next week, I'm still suffering and freaking out about throat cancer, and on top of that really struggling with the possibility of adult tonsillectomy.
First ENT specialist - quick look in mouth then scope up nose and down throat. I mentioned that I'd managed to push a coupe of stones out of my left tonsil. ENT declared that everything looked normal (actually said 'there's no cancer') and prescribed some strong antacids (PPIs), just in case... but said it was likely that all discomfort was being caused by tonsil stones.
2 months later, second ENT specialist running behind with his appointments and loads of people waiting in the waiting room - spent 5 minutes with me. Asked me if I was still getting 'white stuff' out of my tonsil, didn't ask about PPIs (just as well, since I didn't take them). I sad yes, and that my left tonsil is still larger than right and I have a weird fullness sensation in my ear. Within a minute ENT declared he was going to recommend a tonsillectomy. He scoped me then carried on talking about tonsillectomy and gave me a leaflet. I asked if it would be worth waiting, since I don't want to risk bleeding (I have a history of bleeding) and asked what the risks are with waiting a few months. He hummed and hawed and said something about 'risking leaving something untoward in there' and something about 'oh I think there less than 50% chance it's a malignency' or some such. Bear in mind he was trying to rush through my appointment (there was nurse outside explaining to the people in the waiting room that the dr was running a half hour behind). He reluctanly booked me back in to see him in 2 months but then I received an appointment through for another specialist at a different hospital 2 weeks later!
At the moment my symptom are:
Weird, achy (almost burning) sensation down left side of throat, tonsil area, sometimes extending to the gum over my unexposed wisdom tooth (which is positioned horizontally under the gum). This makes me swallow a lot and it feels like when I swallow I put more pressure on the left side of the throat.
I can't work out if it's my tonsil or tonsil flap that's swollen - it looks bigger than the right anyway and when I push it to the side with a cotton bud I sometimes get the white stuff out of it. I've had a few squirts of blood out of there now too :( I think I can see white tissue, not just stones when I pull it back.
Strange feeling in my left ear - it feels like I have glue in it or something and when I move my jaw or swallow it feels like something is brushing against my inner ear.
I am absolutely terrified by the idea of a tonsillectomy. About ten years ago I went for what should have been a simple procedure to remove pre-cancerous cells from my cervix and I ended up haemorrhaging. It was a pretty traumatic experience. I also almost died from a nose bleed when I was little. Given the risk of bleeding after an adult tonsillectomy, there is absolutely no way I could cope with this surgery or the recovery.
I am so depressed about all of this, and finding it difficult to just get through the day to day. I feel like I've lost 6 months to worry and fear, and as any scifi fan will know, fear is the mind killer that leads to complete annihilation. I am almost there :(
Way back in February I posted about an issue I've been having with my left tonsil and strange sensations in my throat... Well, two ENT consultations later and with another one coming up next week, I'm still suffering and freaking out about throat cancer, and on top of that really struggling with the possibility of adult tonsillectomy.
First ENT specialist - quick look in mouth then scope up nose and down throat. I mentioned that I'd managed to push a coupe of stones out of my left tonsil. ENT declared that everything looked normal (actually said 'there's no cancer') and prescribed some strong antacids (PPIs), just in case... but said it was likely that all discomfort was being caused by tonsil stones.
2 months later, second ENT specialist running behind with his appointments and loads of people waiting in the waiting room - spent 5 minutes with me. Asked me if I was still getting 'white stuff' out of my tonsil, didn't ask about PPIs (just as well, since I didn't take them). I sad yes, and that my left tonsil is still larger than right and I have a weird fullness sensation in my ear. Within a minute ENT declared he was going to recommend a tonsillectomy. He scoped me then carried on talking about tonsillectomy and gave me a leaflet. I asked if it would be worth waiting, since I don't want to risk bleeding (I have a history of bleeding) and asked what the risks are with waiting a few months. He hummed and hawed and said something about 'risking leaving something untoward in there' and something about 'oh I think there less than 50% chance it's a malignency' or some such. Bear in mind he was trying to rush through my appointment (there was nurse outside explaining to the people in the waiting room that the dr was running a half hour behind). He reluctanly booked me back in to see him in 2 months but then I received an appointment through for another specialist at a different hospital 2 weeks later!
At the moment my symptom are:
Weird, achy (almost burning) sensation down left side of throat, tonsil area, sometimes extending to the gum over my unexposed wisdom tooth (which is positioned horizontally under the gum). This makes me swallow a lot and it feels like when I swallow I put more pressure on the left side of the throat.
I can't work out if it's my tonsil or tonsil flap that's swollen - it looks bigger than the right anyway and when I push it to the side with a cotton bud I sometimes get the white stuff out of it. I've had a few squirts of blood out of there now too :( I think I can see white tissue, not just stones when I pull it back.
Strange feeling in my left ear - it feels like I have glue in it or something and when I move my jaw or swallow it feels like something is brushing against my inner ear.
I am absolutely terrified by the idea of a tonsillectomy. About ten years ago I went for what should have been a simple procedure to remove pre-cancerous cells from my cervix and I ended up haemorrhaging. It was a pretty traumatic experience. I also almost died from a nose bleed when I was little. Given the risk of bleeding after an adult tonsillectomy, there is absolutely no way I could cope with this surgery or the recovery.
I am so depressed about all of this, and finding it difficult to just get through the day to day. I feel like I've lost 6 months to worry and fear, and as any scifi fan will know, fear is the mind killer that leads to complete annihilation. I am almost there :(
Oh kitty, I really feel your pain reading that.
What an awful long time to spend worrying about this - I understand because I have been worrying 2 months about swollen glands!
Have they tried antibiotics? As it really sounds like a bad infection to me?
I'm so sorry! I had the threat of tonsillectomy hanging over me for three years, and every appointment I refused. I saw a different doctor who said, "Well I would have strongly recommended removing them, but if it had been cancer you'd have known by now," which really freaked me as nobody had mentioned it as a possibility.
I've just been discharged, so I'm glad I refused surgery. However you have a lot more symptoms than I did. They sound awful and will be dragging you down. Mine was a cyst, not stones.
My daughter gave me a book by Louise Hay who writes about the body/mind connection and 'tonsils' according to her, symbolise 'being afraid or reluctant to speak out about something'. It may be total coincidence, but I was discharged (expecting to have surgery when I went to the appointment) shortly after I began speaking out at work about the bullying of myself and colleagues. Whether or not there is a link, it never harms to make sure you aren't holding in things which need to be said.
I wonder if you could find someone in the system to listen to your fears and advise you? For instance, there is far less risk with certain laser procedures. But I absolutely understand how you feel, I was terrified at the thought of adult tonsillectomy. Many hugs and much love to you Sweetheart. :hugs:
As far as I'm aware, calcifications n the tonsils are not a risk factor for tonsillar or oral cancers. It does sound as if they will need removing however, as from what you're saying there is also a peritonsillar abscess. Although it can be painful, and downright frustrating, I do not think it will result in anyting more serious occurring.
I'm so sorry! I had the threat of tonsillectomy hanging over me for three years, and every appointment I refused. I saw a different doctor who said, "Well I would have strongly recommended removing them, but if it had been cancer you'd have known by now," which really freaked me as nobody had mentioned it as a possibility.
I've just been discharged, so I'm glad I refused surgery. However you have a lot more symptoms than I did. They sound awful and will be dragging you down. Mine was a cyst, not stones.
My daughter gave me a book by Louise Hay who writes about the body/mind connection and 'tonsils' according to her, symbolise 'being afraid or reluctant to speak out about something'. It may be total coincidence, but I was discharged (expecting to have surgery when I went to the appointment) shortly after I began speaking out at work about the bullying of myself and colleagues. Whether or not there is a link, it never harms to make sure you aren't holding in things which need to be said.
I wonder if you could find someone in the system to listen to your fears and advise you? For instance, there is far less risk with certain laser procedures. But I absolutely understand how you feel, I was terrified at the thought of adult tonsillectomy. Many hugs and much love to you Sweetheart. :hugs:
Hi Speranza, thanks for your reply. Do you mind me asking what were your symptoms?
I am worried at the moment because the last ENT didn't want to wait and reluctantly agreed to see me again in 2 months, but then I received an appt for much sooner (it's tomorrow, eep). Deep down I really don't think this is the big C as surely there would be other symptoms, lumps etc. I do feel tired a lot but I have a demanding job and, despite having a mostly healthy vegetarian diet with some fish now and then, I'm not the healthiest generally - I'm overweight and I don't exercise enough, so I'm sure my energy would improve with a few lifestyle modifications.
I do think some of my weird throat sensations might be psychosomatic - for example, yesterday I was fairly relaxed all day and had hardly any weirdness at all. Today, it feels like I have a mucus lump down the left hand side around the tonsil area and back of tongue and I can't resist swallowing saliva all the time with more emphasis down that side of the throat.
I might look into that book or something similar. Maybe time for some CBT too.
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better (and that I'm not the only one who finds the thought of tonsillectomy utterly terrifying).
Take care and all the best to you.
---------- Post added at 14:12 ---------- Previous post was at 14:03 ----------
As far as I'm aware, calcifications n the tonsils are not a risk factor for tonsillar or oral cancers. It does sound as if they will need removing however, as from what you're saying there is also a peritonsillar abscess. Although it can be painful, and downright frustrating, I do not think it will result in anyting more serious occurring.
Hi Joel, I've been having symptoms for over 6 months now. As I understand it, peritonsillar abscess is usually fast growing? If anything my tonsil has gone down a little since I managed to get some calcifications out of it. I'm really hoping you are wrong and I won't have to have them removed. If my symptoms stayed as they are and got no worse, I could live with that. They are more an annoyance than anything very painful, and I do have some good days. The thing that I find utterly unbearable, as do most people with HA, is the not knowing what it might be... I'm sure they can rule out my worst fears with a CT scan, surely.. My apppointent is tomorrow. I may try insisting on this before any surgery is considered.
Mine was different from yours. I thought it was tonsil stones but it was some kind of fluid-filled cyst. Scariest moment was when the dentist spotted it and was horrified! LOL It just looked (maybe still does, haven't looked for months) like a HUGE tonsil. I had it lanced once in the specialist's office with a local anaesthetic - this left an empty-looking bag, which filled up again. However, I have been 'watched' for a few years and now discharged. Some tonsils are just big.
I'd had some sore throats but I'm not sure they were even related. As Joel says, it's not good to have constant infection in your body. I was frightened of surgery because it's not a great Dr Google moment out there. However if you have REAL conceerns about bleeding, you would need to raise this and make sure you are happy with their answers. There must be ways around it I'd think, and if they knew beforehand... they could do somthing I imagine.
To be honest, I haven't been happy with my treatment at all so far. It's all been very rushed and I don't feel I've had a proper consultation. Maybe there really is nothing that's alarming the ENT specialists so far so they're just putting me down as being another neurotic young woman who looks at her throat too much. I'm sure the second ENT mumbled something about either removing the tonsils or signing me off (like it was an ultimatum) - this was before he started talking about untoward things and less than 50% chance etc. but it was all very rushed. I think I will write down my symptoms and questions for tomorrow so the conversation is a little more structured!
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Hi Joel, I've been having symptoms for over 6 months now. As I understand it, peritonsillar abscess is usually fast growing? If anything my tonsil has gone down a little since I managed to get some calcifications out of it. I'm really hoping you are wrong and I won't have to have them removed. If my symptoms stayed as they are and got no worse, I could live with that. They are more an annoyance than anything very painful, and I do have some good days. The thing that I find utterly unbearable, as do most people with HA, is the not knowing what it might be... I'm sure they can rule out my worst fears with a CT scan, surely.. My apppointent is tomorrow. I may try insisting on this before any surgery is considered.
Sorry only just seen this. Ascesses can grow quickly, or slowly, it really depends on how many bacteria there are and how many neutrophils destroy them, as well as drainage of the fluids, etc. Nothing really sounds like cancer.
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