Long-awaited update: holiday and return to work

[NE21 worrier]

Hello everyone,

Do not worry, folks. I have not fallen off the face of the earth :) - but I have been rather busy and tired out by returning to work full-time and writing on my blog (http://theintrepidreporter.blogspot.co.uk/) after my holiday.

My last thread (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1174627) here was on the first morning of my holiday as an inevitable feeling of anxiety came over me before I had set off. I must say 'Thanks' to everyone who responded - I did check the replies on my phone but I don't have a modern Android-type mobile so I could not find a way of replying.

I think you will all be glad to know that, by the time I got to Stansted Airport (in the car from Newcastle) for Budapest, I had settled down. I thought I might need some Diazepam to see me through but, on this occasion, I did not even have to rely on it to be nice and relaxed in the airport bar with a chicken salad and a pint.

From there, the low-level anxiety continued almost all the way through the holiday, allowing me to see the sights of Budapest, Zagreb and Ljubljana almost without a care in the world. I ate and slept really well; it was bliss, and perhaps the most peaceful state which I had found myself in since my holiday to Thailand last year (which I almost did not go on due to anxiety!)

All three places were really interesting with lots of (fairly recent) history to take in. We went to the Terror House in Budapest, which was used by both the Nazis in the 1940s and the Communists in the 1950s onwards, and the castle. Budapest was the biggest of the three places we visited and perhaps deserves another visit because we struggled to get around all of it.

Zagreb was lovely, if a little too hot - but this merely encouraged me and my friends to find a few museums, one of which had an exhibition on a 2000-year-old statue of a Greek athlete which had been rescued from the bottom of the sea-bed off Croatia.

Ljubljana was little but absolutely beautiful. It barely even looks like it was part of the former Yugoslavia, with its little bridges over the Ljulbljanica river and cafes on either side, and a castle on a big hill. It looks like something out of southern France, or Italy, which I guess is just next door. Interestingly, it has the oldest found wheel in the world - from approx 5200BC - on display in its excellent City Museum.

Everyone agreed to go to Lake Bled on the last full day - but, unfortunately, it was on this morning that I had my only real bad moment of the holiday when I had a really bad attack of acid reflux which involved me bending over double and quite a bit of nausea and bile. Consequently, I had to let the bus go and returned to the hotel for a bit more rest.

I was fine by afternoon so I made the right decision, as far as I am concerned, but there is also a feeling that I totally missed out (sorry Annie!) If anything, it is an excuse to go back. I did at least see Lake Bled with the castle on the island from thousands of feet in the air as we flew directly over it on the way back to Blightly, whereupon I survived Glastonbury and returned to full-time working hours (having had eight weeks off April-June!)

It is busy at work but this has helped distract me and things are going well. I have little major planned between now and my 30th birthday in September so I'm finding little to get anxious about - though I do still get terrible morning anxiety (lots of bloating) until I make it through the doors and see the familiar faces in the same, mundane working space.

I have begun to read and listen to Dr Claire Weekes quite intently before and after work, and she is absolutely superb - I recommend her to any new visitors to this site, along with many others, I am sure. My therapy with the NHS is due to start soon, although still TBC, and I am glad I can go into it with a positive frame of mind.

I am not quite there yet with all my anxieties - but I am living life again as I want to, and not being dictated to by this condition. Thanks to everyone on this site for your support, especially to you, Annie, as you have always been there to answer my questions.

Apologies for the long read, and if Admin wishes to move this to Success Stories, that is fine by me. Thanks again,

Peter :D x

[Annie0904]

Peter I have been thinking about you and wondering about your holiday so I am really pleased to see your post this morning and especially that you sound so much more positive. The holiday has really done you good. I will forgive you for missing out on the trip to Lake Bled but you must go back to see it :D
You have dealt with the anxiety in the best way you can..to feel the fear and do it anyway and it sounds like it has worked for you. A very BIG Well Done :yahoo::yesyes:

[daisydaisy]

Hi Peter- as Annie said above I was thinking about you and your holiday. Sorry it's taken me so long to find this. I'm glad you had a great holiday-it's sounds fantastic and I'm happy that glasto went well too-you felt the fear and did it anyways! (I'm currently reading that book :D) anyways I'm glad you're back at work and things have settled down. Whenever you have a dip or feel anxiety revisit this post and remind yourself how far you've come over the last few weeks. Wishing you well. X Daisy

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks Daisy for searching and finding the thread.

Actually, rather selfishly, I am rather glad you did bump this for my benefit as I had a read of my holiday review last night before I went to bed to try and make me feel better, because unfortunately I am feeling really rather anxious again at the moment.

I am going to a friend's wedding today (midday, not far from where I live) but I am not very good with weddings. In fact, I woke up ultra-sensitised today, lathered in sweat all over, with an immediate feeling of dread in the stomach and a tightening of the throat.

My issues: even if I say so myself, I generally scrub up well in a suit, but I do not like the restrictiveness of one. Also, the formality of the sit-down meal - and the uncertainty of what we will be having and who I will be sitting next to for it - is another worry.

Finally, for a worrier, my past experiences of weddings are that they can be rather exhausting so that, by the time the evening even comes around, I already want to crawl back into bed. This is a classic Catch 22 situation - the worry is likely to make me more tired earlier (adrenaline), which is exactly one of the things that I am worrying about.

On a brighter note, there is no way that I am not going to go and see the wedding and at least try the meal as well. Also, as it is an old school friend who is getting hitched and I am still very much part of that friendship group, there will be plenty of friendly faces. My close friends, including the groom, are aware of my anxiety too.

I just hope he and his new wife have an absolutely wonderful day (despite the weather being at its worst all summer) and that, personally, I don't cause a scene in any way.:)

[Annie0904]

Peter, I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and I have similar fears to you especially regarding the meal! I much prefer a buffet but it was a sit down 3 course meal. I was fine with the starter but for some reason panicked about the main course and felt the anxiety rushing in. I just told myself that I didn't need to eat it all and that the symptoms will pass (which they did) I hardly ate any of the main course but did enjoy dessert :)
I hope today goes well for you :)

[bernie1977]

Well done Peter! So glad you had a good time on your holiday and managed to return to work ok, it shows an amazing strength of character.

Start of the premiership soon so I hope you get to and enjoy many games :D

[Annip]

Hi Peter,
I have got 2 books by Dr Claire weekes and yes they are very good. You said that you have been listening to her aswell. Is this in CD form or what? I'm very interested to hear her speak. I too suffer with anxiety and have been trying her techniques...such an easy read too
Annip

[bernie1977]

Hi Ann,

There's a link on this forum to Claire Weekes audios

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/relax.htm

[NE21 worrier]

Well, that was an absolutely brilliant day, despite the horribly ridiculous torrents of rain we've had.

It was, quite simply, a great catch up with my many friends from senior school, and an absolutely magical wedding for my handsome friend and his bride with the ceremony in the beautiful National Trust grounds of Gibside Chapel, before the reception at Close House in Northumberland.

The meal was delicious, particularly the main. I was sat with all of my friends so this helped and, while I would usually struggle with a beef steak, my anxiety had already dropped having japed around with my mates before and after the service.

I was even too stuffed for the evening buffet. Yes, it was technically a 'missed' meal but my decision not to eat then was based upon some logic, and not so much any anxiety, as far as I could tell. Even the well-built groom said he was too stuffed off dinner to eat again.

Anyway, I must admit I have a certain overload of adrenaline coursing through me having enjoyed another major social occasion. But, genuinely, these things are really worth doing even if they seem scary at first. There's a lot to say for feeling the fear, accepting it as Dr Claire Weekes suggests, and doing it anyway.

It's easier said than done but try not to let your anxiety dictate your life. You are better than it, you've just got to believe you are.

Thanks again for reading. I'm so glad this is a positive post after my worries earlier,
An (only ever-so-slightly merry*) Peter :)


[*PS. Please note I have still drunk responsibly today. Most of my time at the reception was spent catching up with old friends or having a boogie on the dancefloor tbh. I'm high on life more than alcohol at the moment. I just hope my head is not too sore in the morning :D]

[Annie0904]

Peter that is really great news. You have come so far since earlier this year. I am very proud of you. Well done!!!!!

[Annip]

Thank you Bernie for that info
Anni

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks, Bernie. Aye, I'll be back at St James for the new season, no doubt suffering with the rest of them.

Good luck to Barnsley in what looks likes a fascinating Championship division. I suppose the only way is up after last week's false start! :footy:

Thanks again,
Peter
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/images/nmp/buttons/edit.gif (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=1199765)

[daisydaisy]

Hey Peter,

Sorry I keep missing your posts I've not been very well of late but have posted over on another thread re that. I'm sorry things have been a bit up and down with the anxiety but I'm really pleased to hear the wedding went better than expected (anticipated- the damned anticipatory anxiety!) and that you ate, drank and were merry as they say!