MrCupOfT
13-07-13, 07:10
First attempt after {bleeping} laptop decided it had enough and shut itself down.
Second attempt wireless signal got dropped. Webpage didn't cache my post. (Notepad the rescue)
Annoy and Frustration
Background
I'm male, 34 and single (never had a long term relationship) , I would like to keep my name and location private for my own protection and safety.
Suffering from the following problems.
Anxiety Attacks
Panic Attacks
Depression
Tinnitus.
But I can hear other things as well, like the sound a stone makes on an icy lake.
Or the internal voice in my mind argue with itselff or with other instances of itself.
Minor Hallucinations
I can see things moving (almost like what I dream suitable overlaid with reality.)
Or in panic / anxiety I think i sense spiders. Doesn't help I think some spiders are trans-dimensional, capable of slipping into a another spatial dimension to escape your traps. One escape from under upturn pint glass.
Or the walls, ceiling, floor are distorting there shape, coming in towards me.
Dyslexia So please excuse a few spelling and grammar errors
Irlen Syndrome
Audio Processing Disorder
After coming it the office of charity I volunteer at in a bad state, difficultly talking and physically shaking. They helped me initially contact and seeking professional help, via the local Mental Health Crisis Team. With the help a friend who did actual telephoning and contact then passed the phone over. Cos if it was left to me I wouldn't have rung them
Who arrange to me to have an initial psychological assessment within the week, due me raising issue with me seeing my family Doctor. So I attend the appointment which was perform with a student doctor under supervision. It lasted maybe and hour / hour and half.
I really prefer not to take medication or drugs after struggling with pain killer addiction. Damage a vertebra in my back, have difficult walking, standing or even getting out of bed. Put on really strong pain killer.
Suffered a bad side effect of a double dose of Novocaine after a tooth extraction.
I also have be careful with which Hayfever tablet, pick them wrong one up in the shop and I feel really seasick. I feeling there's long delay between my physicall orientation and what my brain thinks is my physical orientation.
They would regularly phone me to check see if I was ok and what was happening. Maybe a week late they contacted me to say they were referring me to a counselling service. Unfortunately we keep missing each other with phone calls. I'd say a month (about a month ago) later things went further down hill and I started have thoughts and dreams death and suicide. What scared me most is I didn't find them scary. Rang doctors to see if there was a appointment that day.
They didn't but there a sit and wait session on Monday. Had really bad time over weekend scared to go to out. Monday came round and I sat and waited. Doctor decided to put me on medication ( Citalopram 20mg) and strongly suggest I seek counselling.
1st week:- Had a few close shaves. Thought about jumping in the river when out camping. Decided to step away from the edge and go play on the swings instead. Among friend that were looking out for each other, particully one.
Discovered that Stone Balancing really meditative for me. (Couldn't sleep, got out of tent went for walk returned to find a bucket of stones left my the campfire from the night before. Sat down with the stones and just built stuff.)
Still having recurring thoughts of selfharming myself. Want to put knife in my arm and cut away the muscle to reveal bone
3rd week I told me mum. Only one in family (I think that knows)
Currently in 4th week on medication.
Mon:- was the first day in ages i felt motivated.
Phone call from Counselling Service got a cancellation can I come in tomorrow. Of course I can
Tue:- First session Seem to go ok, no problems
Wed:- Feeling a little down. (Planning Meeting)
Thu:- depressed + anxiety + panicky
Fri:- Sleep all day + headache. (Missed a text about potential small finance issue with organisation).
Maybe the effect of the medication is being lessened with the combination of Paracetamol and hayfever tablets (Cetrizine Hydrochride)?
Due to not sleep well and then eventually just crashing to sleep at unsociable. times. Plus the lack of energy and lack of motivation. I'm having with benefit (welfare) since I'm been unemployed for years. They suggest I seek help also I didn't at the time couldn't be bother of motivate myself to.
None of my family know about my mental problem due to me not trusting them.
Quick summary.
Dad used to regularly beat the crap out me, my sister and mother. Mostly me cause i'd step in-between him and them.
Had problems with school.
Missing classes skipping. School Nurse thought I was a hypochondriac. Some teacher thought I was lazy. No of them caught on or suspect I that could be dyslexic. Cause I'm really intelligent but could that level of written work to reflect that.
[i]I can't remember if it was around this time / period I sat crying in my room contemplating cutting my wrists. (Sought no professional help). Made a solemn oath to myself, not harm myself no matter what.
Mum's Mum Died
Dad's Dad Died
Dad's Mum Died
Mum's Dad died.
Always felt safe around him, a WW2 Commando (SAS) who went on the mission to capture or kill Edwin Rommel. Spent a lot of the time at his home eating fish and chips whilst watching Dad's Army. God I Miss him.
Mum eventual walked out.
Rest of family gang up on me and what felt like an interrogation, try to find out where she was. I truly didn't know, but they wouldn't believe me thought I was lying (cos it didn't met they're preconviece conspiracy).
At the time I was working 40hrs/week and doing a the 2nd year of a 40hrs/wk FdSc in Applied Computing (that a degree level course). Had drop out because of lack of support from new management and family
Mum and Dad got divorced.
Dad would continue to annoy and pester her. Police got involved
I changed jobs in a local electronics engineering company.
One day instead of going to work I turn off my phone and went for drive and up at the coast. Never went back. Looking back I think i had another breakdown here.
Went back to previous job (Bad choice)
Unemployed for year or so
Worked in a massive distribution warehouse.
I left
Currently Unemployed
I'm doing volunteering for a recovery organistation.
Nominated to be a trustee (Treasurer).
So everything about me (well not everything :winks:)
Second attempt wireless signal got dropped. Webpage didn't cache my post. (Notepad the rescue)
Annoy and Frustration
Background
I'm male, 34 and single (never had a long term relationship) , I would like to keep my name and location private for my own protection and safety.
Suffering from the following problems.
Anxiety Attacks
Panic Attacks
Depression
Tinnitus.
But I can hear other things as well, like the sound a stone makes on an icy lake.
Or the internal voice in my mind argue with itselff or with other instances of itself.
Minor Hallucinations
I can see things moving (almost like what I dream suitable overlaid with reality.)
Or in panic / anxiety I think i sense spiders. Doesn't help I think some spiders are trans-dimensional, capable of slipping into a another spatial dimension to escape your traps. One escape from under upturn pint glass.
Or the walls, ceiling, floor are distorting there shape, coming in towards me.
Dyslexia So please excuse a few spelling and grammar errors
Irlen Syndrome
Audio Processing Disorder
After coming it the office of charity I volunteer at in a bad state, difficultly talking and physically shaking. They helped me initially contact and seeking professional help, via the local Mental Health Crisis Team. With the help a friend who did actual telephoning and contact then passed the phone over. Cos if it was left to me I wouldn't have rung them
Who arrange to me to have an initial psychological assessment within the week, due me raising issue with me seeing my family Doctor. So I attend the appointment which was perform with a student doctor under supervision. It lasted maybe and hour / hour and half.
I really prefer not to take medication or drugs after struggling with pain killer addiction. Damage a vertebra in my back, have difficult walking, standing or even getting out of bed. Put on really strong pain killer.
Suffered a bad side effect of a double dose of Novocaine after a tooth extraction.
I also have be careful with which Hayfever tablet, pick them wrong one up in the shop and I feel really seasick. I feeling there's long delay between my physicall orientation and what my brain thinks is my physical orientation.
They would regularly phone me to check see if I was ok and what was happening. Maybe a week late they contacted me to say they were referring me to a counselling service. Unfortunately we keep missing each other with phone calls. I'd say a month (about a month ago) later things went further down hill and I started have thoughts and dreams death and suicide. What scared me most is I didn't find them scary. Rang doctors to see if there was a appointment that day.
They didn't but there a sit and wait session on Monday. Had really bad time over weekend scared to go to out. Monday came round and I sat and waited. Doctor decided to put me on medication ( Citalopram 20mg) and strongly suggest I seek counselling.
1st week:- Had a few close shaves. Thought about jumping in the river when out camping. Decided to step away from the edge and go play on the swings instead. Among friend that were looking out for each other, particully one.
Discovered that Stone Balancing really meditative for me. (Couldn't sleep, got out of tent went for walk returned to find a bucket of stones left my the campfire from the night before. Sat down with the stones and just built stuff.)
Still having recurring thoughts of selfharming myself. Want to put knife in my arm and cut away the muscle to reveal bone
3rd week I told me mum. Only one in family (I think that knows)
Currently in 4th week on medication.
Mon:- was the first day in ages i felt motivated.
Phone call from Counselling Service got a cancellation can I come in tomorrow. Of course I can
Tue:- First session Seem to go ok, no problems
Wed:- Feeling a little down. (Planning Meeting)
Thu:- depressed + anxiety + panicky
Fri:- Sleep all day + headache. (Missed a text about potential small finance issue with organisation).
Maybe the effect of the medication is being lessened with the combination of Paracetamol and hayfever tablets (Cetrizine Hydrochride)?
Due to not sleep well and then eventually just crashing to sleep at unsociable. times. Plus the lack of energy and lack of motivation. I'm having with benefit (welfare) since I'm been unemployed for years. They suggest I seek help also I didn't at the time couldn't be bother of motivate myself to.
None of my family know about my mental problem due to me not trusting them.
Quick summary.
Dad used to regularly beat the crap out me, my sister and mother. Mostly me cause i'd step in-between him and them.
Had problems with school.
Missing classes skipping. School Nurse thought I was a hypochondriac. Some teacher thought I was lazy. No of them caught on or suspect I that could be dyslexic. Cause I'm really intelligent but could that level of written work to reflect that.
[i]I can't remember if it was around this time / period I sat crying in my room contemplating cutting my wrists. (Sought no professional help). Made a solemn oath to myself, not harm myself no matter what.
Mum's Mum Died
Dad's Dad Died
Dad's Mum Died
Mum's Dad died.
Always felt safe around him, a WW2 Commando (SAS) who went on the mission to capture or kill Edwin Rommel. Spent a lot of the time at his home eating fish and chips whilst watching Dad's Army. God I Miss him.
Mum eventual walked out.
Rest of family gang up on me and what felt like an interrogation, try to find out where she was. I truly didn't know, but they wouldn't believe me thought I was lying (cos it didn't met they're preconviece conspiracy).
At the time I was working 40hrs/week and doing a the 2nd year of a 40hrs/wk FdSc in Applied Computing (that a degree level course). Had drop out because of lack of support from new management and family
Mum and Dad got divorced.
Dad would continue to annoy and pester her. Police got involved
I changed jobs in a local electronics engineering company.
One day instead of going to work I turn off my phone and went for drive and up at the coast. Never went back. Looking back I think i had another breakdown here.
Went back to previous job (Bad choice)
Unemployed for year or so
Worked in a massive distribution warehouse.
I left
Currently Unemployed
I'm doing volunteering for a recovery organistation.
Nominated to be a trustee (Treasurer).
So everything about me (well not everything :winks:)