Need to vent - feel so down :-(

[KeeKee]

I have been suffering with depression and probably social anxiety for a very long time now. I started having panic attacks in March this year which has lead me to have health anxiety.
I have a 6 year old and my relationship with her is becoming increasingly difficult. She is obviously growing up and with growing behavioural issues do arise.
Today I was asked if I could give her some money for sweets at the shop, however she hadn't ate her dinner so I said no. She is the fussiest eater I have ever known, never eats her dinner, only fully eats her tea if it is pasty/pizza or Ham & Cheese. I was given a dirty look by this individual and I know the 3 relatives who were there will have been griefing me behind my back. This infuriated and deeply upset me. There are some parents who under no circumstances allow their children to have sugar - that is their choice!!
Later on my daughter was playing outside, I was still feeling the aftermath of being challenged earlier, something which is happening more and more. She asked me to play and I did not want to, we were around relatives I am not close to and therefore feel uncomfortable. I was told I am a spoilsport and boring. My pet hate is being told I am boring. I am not boring, I simply have different hobbies/interests than most people (for example most people prefer the Big Bang Theory, Id rather watch Frasier, most people prefer dance music, I prefer the likes of Linkin Park or Eminem - strange combo I know!)
I then told her not to wipe her face on her clean blazer, but 'shes a kid, it can easily be washed, you did it when you were little!'
Well I also started drinking at 15 and got pregnant and 17, does that mean it is ok for her to do this?
This is not the first time this has happened, I get a dirty look when I tell her to eat with her mouth closed, not speak when others are speaking and not to pester people when they are eating.
I am beyond struggling and feel I have no choice but to shut them all out of my life if this continues. I have put up with this for years, we used to get wrong for letting her cry as a baby even though we were advised to as this prevents them from being 'spoilt', I put the nappies on the wrong way and so on. I am fed up and am stuck in a dead end. This is dramatically affecting my relationship with my daughter.
I am not saying they are ill-meaning, but they say it such an intimidating and often negative way.
Recently, when my health anxiety was at its worst I was inn floods of tears on more than one occasion, this is the only time my family ever showed sympathy. I admit I have a problem and have sought help, what more can I possibly do?
I also have a phobia of dying my hair and have had to explain that a few times to be glanced upon with confusion! I also cannot go to shops without another adult (unless it is a busy town-centre) but have still been asked only to be made to feel awkward when I refuse.
I cannot take this anymore, I get on fine with people, but when my daughter is there is just feels weird. I feel like I cant say anything. The other day I got her out of a relatives car and when I opened the door she was leaning against it and had to pull herself up! I told her not to do that again and my relative laughed and made a joke of it.
I find my self fantasising more & more about moving away - alone. My partner god bless him doesn't judge me so much as 10% as much as everybody else but even he is getting sick. I am so low all the time and I feel like I am ruining my life.
I fear I will soon become emotionless and I have always valued my caring for others. This is the only good thing about me. I speak to people with respect (although I have occasionally spoken to someone like crap, this is only when I am very down and can honestly say that is not who I really am).
If anybody has taken the time to read this, thanks so much. I am sorry if this sounds like I am whining. I don't know what else to do.

---------- Post added at 21:29 ---------- Previous post was at 20:46 ----------

Anyone?

[Oosh]

Hiya

Your child is yours and there are few things more annoying than having your authority undermined around them.
Add to that, for someone suffering with anxiety/depression being judged negatively and criticised and giggled at is especially hard to stomach.
So I'd say its normal to feel the way you feel.

She didn't eat her tea, no sweets, good call.

It would be hard for anyone to be around that when you're trying to bring up a child.

Until you can find a solution try not to take it too seriously. You're the boss, ignore their input.

Get some time alone with your daughter, do something nice and enjoyable together. Then ignore everyone and keep doing the good job you are doing.

[Tessar]

You aren't whining, KeeKee. Like u said, you are venting. We are all entitled to do that aren't we? I'm not at all surprised you feel this way. All that unwelcome interference. Hardly helpful is it? I know what it feels like to have needless input from family members.... It isn't pleasant. It's something I can never understand really. I don't know why some people are so critical. They must be rather ignorant as clearly they can't see the result of their comments. They are just to insensitive to realise. Empathy isn't something everyone is born with sadly. I wonder what the answer is for you? I have had to cut negative and hurtful people from my life and as you say, you could do that.
You do have other choices, however. It is possible to steer you life in a direction where you see less of these people. Also you could decide to say directly to them that you will not tolerate their flippant attitude towards your disciplining your daughter, or rather just trying to bring her up to respect others and behave in a manner that is reasonable. If they can't respect that, well then maybe it is time to cut them out of your life.
I don't have children myself but I do relate to the situation you are in, if I did have children I think this would indeed be a nightmare to sort. But it can be sorted I am sure. I don't have enough expertise to really point you in the right direction with your daughter, but your family..... Ll it sounds to me like they need a short sharp shock. Not to teach them a lesson or get back at them, but to make them take you seriously. It would be a good idea to read up about assertiveness.
You do not have to take this crap from them.
None of it. You don't need it. You don't deserve it.
They (family, relatives etc) should show you respect. It's likely that after years of putting you down, interfering etc.... They aren't going to change.
But you can change KeeKee. Really you can.
Just because they are flippant, you don't have to be,.
you are an important person, most definitely important where your daughter is concerned. This is why I suggest u read up about assertiveness.
It isn't easy to be assertive, especially not in a toxic family environment. Their attitude towards you isn't good enough. I have been in that situation myself and you can become strong enough to stand up for yourself. Don't give up. you can do it KeeKee.

[KeeKee]

I have just realised that I never responded to this thread. I am so sorry to Tessar and Oosh for you both taking the time to post such helpful responses, I assure you I read them as I just re-read them and can remember but why didn't I reply? Apologies and your advice was well received. Strange how I found this post exactly a year on :wacko: