View Full Version : My story! Xxx
Jennifer8907
13-07-13, 22:23
Hiya I'm 23 and currently suffering with health anxiety and yep it does my head in! All started when I was 17 just after my first child I remember talking to my partner (now ex) that I wasn't going to live long? This feeling came out of nowhere months years went passed and I was really getting depressed had abit of a bad break up but lets not get into that hah! Anyway I thought I could beat this depression but I couldn't it got so bad that I woke up each morning thinking about death I did not want to die and I never felt suicidal I just kept thinking right I'm going to die soon :/ I had enough of this feeling and confided in my sister about what was going on in this mind of mine. My mum took me the doctors and I was prescribed some anti depressants they seemed to do the trick :) I have a new partner now been with him for 4 years have an other baby who is just 5 months old I have a lovely family and I adore my babies soo much!! But quess what my mind is now tricking me that I am going to die of cancer! I now have health anxiety every pain I get I associate with cancer I had a mole I wasn't happy with and convinced my self I had skin cancer been to two doctors both said its fine but do I believe them noo! Wish I could though few weeks bk pain in my tail bone though that's it I've got a cancerous tumor doctors again said its fine! I search the Internet daily for skin mole pictures I can't help it I just do it I read on one of the sites that skin cancer can reach lympth nodes quess what I have been prodding my poor armpits for lumps that I know are not there and have now made my armpit really sore and started to swell but can I stop myself from doing this nope! Do I wish I could? More that anything! Anyone been or is in my position of giving your self very illness under the sun! I will beat this health anxiety like I beat depression I deserve to be happy without this nasty illness taking over my mind! Who's with me :)) xxx
For some reason I kept thinking I will die at 47...well that's next year now!
No one knows when we will die, live every day like its your last I say..
No point in worrying about things out of our control..
Jennifer8907
13-07-13, 22:47
I know, and I know it's the anxiety making me fear it or think its going to happen soon cause when I felt fine in myself I never used to think about death :/ our minds our powerful sometimes confusing things hah :)
As long as doc has checked it out, then you have to trust what they say.
Prodding and checking will cause irritation.
Jennifer8907
13-07-13, 22:52
I know going to try my best just seems anxiety is winning at the moment I know I will get there in the end :) xx
Try telling yourself you don't have cancer for a change, that your young, healthy..
That you deserve to be happy.. Positive thoughts do work...just like the negative ones make you feel crap....
Jennifer8907
13-07-13, 22:59
I will try my very best thanks for the advice xx
The thing with negative thinking for so long is that when you try positive statements, your mind will come back with ' yer who you kidding' and will revert to a same old negative thought... You have to persist, ignore the back chat, keep repeating positive statements, until they're the norm ..
Remember 95 % of the thoughts you have tomorrow will be the same as today's....
So time to change that thinking!!
Jennifer8907
13-07-13, 23:17
Yes I can understand that it's like two minds fighting against eachother I find myself saying there is nothing wrong with me then oh let's just check that again grr can get annoying I get on my own nerves sometimes hah xx
OMG! My story is some what similar too yours at the beginning . I'm also 23, my anxiety started at 18 when I had my first child.
I think I became so obsessed with my health because I had someone too leave behind.
You name it, I think I've had it.
The hardest thing too deal with is te physical symptoms and wondering why they're there if nothing can be found.
It stopped once I left my ex! But after having my 3rd child I became really sick. No dr could say what was wrong but blamed stress. Then suspected an ulcer. It went on for 10 months with no answers but I wasn't actually that worried. I was sick 4 nights a week throwing up, had lost 10 kgs. The pains in my chest were excruciating. Finally after 10 months it was found, my gallbladder was blocked!! 3 months later I had surgery. I'm 3 weeks post op and my anxiety is back.
I got in my head that I had pain, something was found so these pains must have a cause.
I'm fixed on lymph nodes, a rash on my breast which scares me more because of a mole I have on there, it is a little raises but has been as long as I can remember.
Health anxiety is the worst thing ever, I hate it and can't wait too just feel normal again, I've done it before, I can do it again :) good luck to you
Jennifer8907
14-07-13, 18:05
Aww thank you! I haven't really had any illness apart from coughs n colds ect so I don't know where mine was triggerd from??
Ye I have a mile on my breasts that I think has changed even though I know deep down it hasn't it's just my mind playing tricks on me! Now I'm worrying about lympth nodes under my armpits only because I read up skin cancer can make this swell so I am now convinced that there is something wrong and made them sore by prodding them constantly trying to reassure myself that there's nothing there losing battle at the moment :/ xx
I use too poke into my armpits and sometimes I'd think I felt something but there was nothing. The next day I'd be really sore and then I'd be scared all over again.
I know females should feel their armpits but I refuse too now,
I will check my breasts but I felt my armpits for years and it made me alot worse. I still touch the back of my neck as I've had palpable nodes there for 5 years ( ever since having glandular fever) but I try not too worry.
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