TheMissMay
15-07-13, 05:14
Hello all,
My name is Amymay.
Never done anything like this before - always 'suffered in silence' never told friends - didn't think they'd get it (FYI smashing as they are, they don't, not really bless em).
Had my first panic attack at 15 - I'm now 34. Been on Seroxat (mega dose 60mgs daily) since I was 21. Took me years to try Beta Blockers as I felt like that'd be cheating - when I eventually tried em I found they worked well for me and so for the last couple of years as long as ive got a strip in my handbag I feel 'safe'.
However had a mega panic attack tonight, started about midnight - still regularly peaking now. For whatever reason the beta blockers haven't really touched it this time - now that's feeding my panic! I'm like Christ if these babies have stopped working how will I ever be 'safe' again.
Anyway, I've had enough therapy to know, I'm catasrophising, it'll pass, I'll find another answer etc etc.
Finally enough in August I'll be finishing this latest round of therapy and I love my therapist - he's made such a massive difference to my life. It's thanks to him I'm actually writing on this forum. I've been so tightly bound, so ashamed & discreet with it for so many years, I couldn't do group therapy or even an anonymous forum.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent chaps. It feels great to know there are like minded people out here right now. I'm not alone and that's a nice feeling.
Ps I read a thread in the archive about Valium for ad hoc treatment of panic attacks so I'm thinking I might give those a shot.
I hate panic attacks so much. Even though their a very old, very well known friend to me after all these years I hate how intolerant I am to them. How fearful of them I still am.
I think that's what's keeping this one peaking. That thing of Christ, all these years later, all this therapy, all this medication, all this insight and still they come back & frighten me with a vengeance.
Still they make me fear how I will cope with my future. I really admire people who managed to marry and or have kids with this condition.
I'm 34 not married, not in a relationship, no where near ready to have kids as I'm scared - terrified I won't cope.
Ahh I dunno. Sorry to be miserable. I certainly don't want to bring anybody down. I just get so disappointed when I have one. Especially as they are a much rarer occurance for me now, probably 3 - 4 times a year now.
When there's been a big gap like that between em I dare to hope, am I free of them...? So when they come back it feels like, arse, back to square one again.
I wish I just wasn't so scared of em!
Anyways, thank you very much for listening. I wish you all well.
Amymay x x
My name is Amymay.
Never done anything like this before - always 'suffered in silence' never told friends - didn't think they'd get it (FYI smashing as they are, they don't, not really bless em).
Had my first panic attack at 15 - I'm now 34. Been on Seroxat (mega dose 60mgs daily) since I was 21. Took me years to try Beta Blockers as I felt like that'd be cheating - when I eventually tried em I found they worked well for me and so for the last couple of years as long as ive got a strip in my handbag I feel 'safe'.
However had a mega panic attack tonight, started about midnight - still regularly peaking now. For whatever reason the beta blockers haven't really touched it this time - now that's feeding my panic! I'm like Christ if these babies have stopped working how will I ever be 'safe' again.
Anyway, I've had enough therapy to know, I'm catasrophising, it'll pass, I'll find another answer etc etc.
Finally enough in August I'll be finishing this latest round of therapy and I love my therapist - he's made such a massive difference to my life. It's thanks to him I'm actually writing on this forum. I've been so tightly bound, so ashamed & discreet with it for so many years, I couldn't do group therapy or even an anonymous forum.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent chaps. It feels great to know there are like minded people out here right now. I'm not alone and that's a nice feeling.
Ps I read a thread in the archive about Valium for ad hoc treatment of panic attacks so I'm thinking I might give those a shot.
I hate panic attacks so much. Even though their a very old, very well known friend to me after all these years I hate how intolerant I am to them. How fearful of them I still am.
I think that's what's keeping this one peaking. That thing of Christ, all these years later, all this therapy, all this medication, all this insight and still they come back & frighten me with a vengeance.
Still they make me fear how I will cope with my future. I really admire people who managed to marry and or have kids with this condition.
I'm 34 not married, not in a relationship, no where near ready to have kids as I'm scared - terrified I won't cope.
Ahh I dunno. Sorry to be miserable. I certainly don't want to bring anybody down. I just get so disappointed when I have one. Especially as they are a much rarer occurance for me now, probably 3 - 4 times a year now.
When there's been a big gap like that between em I dare to hope, am I free of them...? So when they come back it feels like, arse, back to square one again.
I wish I just wasn't so scared of em!
Anyways, thank you very much for listening. I wish you all well.
Amymay x x