Death would be so much easier than living a life with swollen eye

[melishaxoxo]

So i have two white substances in my left eye blocking the light from entering my eye so my brain is straining my eye muscles to work around that obstacle to get light in thus giving my severe eye pain and high eye pressure. From 2010 I have been going through hell with my eyes with different eye doctors diagnosing me with eye allergies and finally this eye doctor found out the problem and told me it is not eye allergies. He gave me eyedrops which must be taken everyday four times a day.l am 27 years old and most of my life i have been going up and down to doctors, once one problem finishes another arises. I am so sick of it and it is causing me to be very isolated, alone, sad , depressed and a feeling of me not wanting to be alive anymore. Right now i feel so cursed that i am stuck with this eye problem which has no cure but surgery and doctor told me that im too young for that kind of operation so i have to basically manage this with eyedrops all my life :((( I am scared of going blind, my vision is important to me and i cannot lose it. I keep thinking of death now, it will be easy and no more pain no more suffering, this is like hell on earth for me.. i cannot believe that once i had such healthy clear good eyes and have always been known for my sharp eyesight and now i have to live with the constant pain and swelling for life

[Stormsky]

Im sorry you are suffering..
but wanting to die is so extreme.
i watched a documentary on Terry Calvesbert., the girl with 90% burns...
It makes me ashamed to complain, when you see someone who,suffers pain and has to endure much more than most will ever in their lives

[farley1109]

sorry you are feeling like this but this is hard to read when my aunty died today from breast cancer and she wanted to live!!.. I would rather have a problem with my eye than go through anything she went through she was in so much pain and is now in peace!.. start enjoying your life as its to short!.. x

[nomorepanic]

I would like the title of the thread to be changed please as it is a bit insensitive.

[AuntieMoosie]

Wow!

Please, you have to get this into some sort of perspective.

There a billions and billions of people world wide who are having to live with a whole host of health problems and, to be honest, I expect that we all, in one way or another, have a health issue that we have to live with.

Of course none of us really want to have to live with it, but live with it we must.

I don't mean to be rude or insulting, and I can understand how you're worried about your eyes and your sight, but you really need to get some sort of handle on this.

I'm not understanding at all why you would think that death is the better option???? That just seems unreal to me.

Do you really mean that?? or are you being a little dramatic??

It's one thing to say that you're having difficulties having to live with your eye disorder and that it sometimes gets you down, but it's quite another to say that you would prefer death.

Please take a look around you, there are people living with severe disabilities, there are people with terminal illnesses, fighting every day just to hold on to their lives for a little bit longer.

I agree with Nic, your title could be very offensive and upsetting to a lot of people. We have many members on here who have either lost relatives/friends recently, me being one of them, and we have members who are facing a very tough illness themselves or are looking after members of their family/friends who are suffering badly.

I'm not attacking you in any way and I do understand how your problem sometimes gets you down, we all get like that from time to time, but please try and keep it in perspective and consider the feelings of others who could be facing much tougher issues.

Chandy I'm so sorry about the loss of your Auntie :hugs:

[katesa]

I'm sorry about your eye problem but I can't help but remember caring for my terminally ill partner and seeing the pain and fear he went through every single day until he passed away a shadow of himself aged just 23. He would have given anything to live, swollen eye or not.

I have severe graves disease that I am on medication for life for. But after seeing real suffering, it strikes me as nothing but a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things, I'm alive and able to enjoy my husband and baby.

I know I sound harsh but your post is actually quite upsetting. Please get a hold of yourself.

[swajj]

Death might be easier on ypu but how will it affect the people you leave behind? I don't understand why the pressure in your eye wasn't picked up by one of the other eye doctors you saw. Even optometrists check for pressure. Did the doctor say that there was a chance you would go blind? Or is your fear of going blind due to your anxiety? I think if there was any chance you would go blind from your eye disorder then the specialist would have opted to operate. I agree with the other posters who have suggested you should change the title.

[Speranza]

IIRC from another thread, the doctor said the drops should clear the problem up? Give it a few weeks.

[katesa]

melishaxoxo, I've read a bit of your post history to try to understand this post more and I'm now going to try and be a bit more compassionate than my previous reply although I may not come across as gently as I intend.

Please think about what you have said here and what you are wishing upon yourself sweetheart. If God or whatever deity that may exist said to you right now "OK, I'll take away the eye problem and the other health issues but in return, you will be dead tomorrow evening" would you like that bargain? Really?

Remember that however upsetting you find things right now, you have a future that could be marvelous and I have learned that having a future is one of the most precious things in life. To wish yourself dead is to wish away your future, the relationships you might have, the love you may get, the chances you haven't yet dreamed of. Don't do that.

I was a little like you many years ago. Funnily enough, when the partner I mentioned in my last post finally died after a year of hell, it didn't immediately make me appreciate life - quite the opposite, I felt a failure as I hadn't "saved" him, I was tired of the pain and fear, I felt it unfair that I'd had such an awful time so young and I felt that I had no purpose. I was also ill from undiagnosed medical conditions, both physical (thyroid) and mental and that just made it all worse.

Now at 29, I'm married to a man I'm utterly in love with, have a beautiful 5 month old boy, have a career I love and my health issues are under control. Life is more wonderful than I ever dreamed it could be.

What if you could look in to the future and see that these eye drops make your eyes much better and that your other issues are caused by a thyroid problem (did you get that checked out yet by the way? You really really should) which gets treated and you feel much better - you are able to do everything you can't do now and while you still get the day to day struggles that we all get, you feel a million times better. If you could see that, would you still say, here and now, that you would prefer to die than go through the journey to get there?

From your posts, you seem to have a level of desperation and sadness that even by the standards of this board is unusual. Go to the doctor and get your thyroid checked. Tell them what you are saying to us about your fears and how down you are and get the help you need. Because I promise you, once you are on the road to recovery you will look back at this and wonder how you ever thought life was worse than death.

[Speranza]

Great post. Hugs to both of you (Katesa and Melishaxoxo) :hugs:

[melishaxoxo]

melishaxoxo, I've read a bit of your post history to try to understand this post more and I'm now going to try and be a bit more compassionate than my previous reply although I may not come across as gently as I intend.

Please think about what you have said here and what you are wishing upon yourself sweetheart. If God or whatever deity that may exist said to you right now "OK, I'll take away the eye problem and the other health issues but in return, you will be dead tomorrow evening" would you like that bargain? Really?

Remember that however upsetting you find things right now, you have a future that could be marvelous and I have learned that having a future is one of the most precious things in life. To wish yourself dead is to wish away your future, the relationships you might have, the love you may get, the chances you haven't yet dreamed of. Don't do that.

I was a little like you many years ago. Funnily enough, when the partner I mentioned in my last post finally died after a year of hell, it didn't immediately make me appreciate life - quite the opposite, I felt a failure as I hadn't "saved" him, I was tired of the pain and fear, I felt it unfair that I'd had such an awful time so young and I felt that I had no purpose. I was also ill from undiagnosed medical conditions, both physical (thyroid) and mental and that just made it all worse.

Now at 29, I'm married to a man I'm utterly in love with, have a beautiful 5 month old boy, have a career I love and my health issues are under control. Life is more wonderful than I ever dreamed it could be.

What if you could look in to the future and see that these eye drops make your eyes much better and that your other issues are caused by a thyroid problem (did you get that checked out yet by the way? You really really should) which gets treated and you feel much better - you are able to do everything you can't do now and while you still get the day to day struggles that we all get, you feel a million times better. If you could see that, would you still say, here and now, that you would prefer to die than go through the journey to get there?

From your posts, you seem to have a level of desperation and sadness that even by the standards of this board is unusual. Go to the doctor and get your thyroid checked. Tell them what you are saying to us about your fears and how down you are and get the help you need. Because I promise you, once you are on the road to recovery you will look back at this and wonder how you ever thought life was worse than death.

Hi there

No i have not got my thyroid checked as yet, only my eyes. What if thyroid is not the issue here then what? I can understand that my post may seem selfish and a bit too extreme but in this feeling of anxiety, panic and desperation I am like going out of my mind. I keep thinking i have these two white substances in my left eye which are blocking light from entering into my left eye so my brain is straining my eye to move around this obstacle in order to get light. I cannot for the life of me wonder how this even happened in the first place. Last year I was in so much of eye pain that i dont think anyone could handle.. i literally cried at the movies once because my eye hurt so bad. Nobody was compassionate enough to listen or hear me out, people just ignore me. My family ignores me, dont even have friends that do care. I think the only living being that did care was my little dog, he was always showing me love and staring at me as if he was my support. Nobody understands how much i went through. It is so easy to judge or compare illnesses etc but each persons pain is different. I am sad yes because whatever is going on with my eye has caused me great pain and discomfort, the eyedrops i used today helped with the pain and swelling for that i am grateful but i noticed when i took a bath my vision like flickered as if i blinked but i didnt.

I cannot imagine a life in darkness, how could anyone live like that after knowing a life full of light and someone who appreciates the moonlight and sunset?? I am not a bad person so i dont know what God has rolled up his sleeve.. I am going to be 27 in August and from 2010 my health issues have been dragging me down. I try to stay positive but everytime i do something bad happens.. and i have watced films like The Secret and it helps a little but i feel so down sometimes when i wake up.

[katesa]

Hi there

No i have not got my thyroid checked as yet, only my eyes. What if thyroid is not the issue here then what? I can understand that my post may seem selfish and a bit too extreme but in this feeling of anxiety, panic and desperation I am like going out of my mind. I keep thinking i have these two white substances in my left eye which are blocking light from entering into my left eye so my brain is straining my eye to move around this obstacle in order to get light. I cannot for the life of me wonder how this even happened in the first place. Last year I was in so much of eye pain that i dont think anyone could handle.. i literally cried at the movies once because my eye hurt so bad. Nobody was compassionate enough to listen or hear me out, people just ignore me. My family ignores me, dont even have friends that do care. I think the only living being that did care was my little dog, he was always showing me love and staring at me as if he was my support. Nobody understands how much i went through. It is so easy to judge or compare illnesses etc but each persons pain is different. I am sad yes because whatever is going on with my eye has caused me great pain and discomfort, the eyedrops i used today helped with the pain and swelling for that i am grateful but i noticed when i took a bath my vision like flickered as if i blinked but i didnt.

I cannot imagine a life in darkness, how could anyone live like that after knowing a life full of light and someone who appreciates the moonlight and sunset?? I am not a bad person so i dont know what God has rolled up his sleeve.. I am going to be 27 in August and from 2010 my health issues have been dragging me down. I try to stay positive but everytime i do something bad happens.. and i have watced films like The Secret and it helps a little but i feel so down sometimes when i wake up.


Honey if it's not your thyroid then there will be some other underlying and most likely easily treatable cause and to be honest if you are suffering from depression of some kind (which seems possible just by your posts) then it will make all your symptoms feel even more awful. That's why I want you to tell your doctor what you are telling us.

You will not go blind, I'm certain of that and your eye doctor would have you in surgery before you could pack your overnight bag if there was any chance of that happening.

Give the eyedrops time sweetheart.

I understand how awful it is when you feel that nobody cares. I'm sure people do even if they don't show it in the way that you need and if your friends really don't care, they aren't friends and you will make new and better ones in the future. For now, people here care about you and that includes me so feel free to PM me whenever you want.

If you die right now then it would stop you feeling miserable and in pain, that is true. But it would also mean that you never get the chance to be happy - maybe right now you feel like you never will anyway. I thought that too. But anyone can find happiness. Even me. Even you x

[Speranza]

Absolutely. It's great that you already saw some improvement. We have all kinds of things in our bodies that we don't know about until we have them checked. I once was scanned for something and the technician said, "I just want to look at this lump in your liver." :ohmy: Turns out I had a cyst! Then I was told I had had it since before I was born, and if they hadn't been scanning that bit of my body I would never even have known. We don't need to know where things come from. I am sure the specialist would have you in tonight if there was a danger of you losing your sight.

[melishaxoxo]

Absolutely. It's great that you already saw some improvement. We have all kinds of things in our bodies that we don't know about until we have them checked. I once was scanned for something and the technician said, "I just want to look at this lump in your liver." :ohmy: Turns out I had a cyst! Then I was told I had had it since before I was born, and if they hadn't been scanning that bit of my body I would never even have known. We don't need to know where things come from. I am sure the specialist would have you in tonight if there was a danger of you losing your sight.


Do you think if i change my diet like only stick to greens vegetables and fruits will it help get rid of this? I will do anything to get rid of it and surgery is very risky procedure especially with the eye,i am just so scared to go blind.

[katesa]

Do you think if i change my diet like only stick to greens vegetables and fruits will it help get rid of this? I will do anything to get rid of it and surgery is very risky procedure especially with the eye,i am just so scared to go blind.

Hi love,

I just replied to your PM before I saw this. I don't think such a drastic diet will make you feel better (do you mean only eating fruit and vegetables or have I misunderstood?)