Death of a friend

[NeilSimpson]

Im so sorry if this is going to depress anybody, and if it is, please remove this thread...

I struggle to let out my emotions anyway but as you are aware, I recently gave up alcohol, until yesterday when I found out a very good friend of mine died, his name was tom and was more like a dad to me, im 30 and he was 58, he was my darts captain, my football coach when I was playing and has always been there for me...

The day he died we was watching Indonesia v arsenal, he did his usual bringing toys round for my kids and a 8 pack of lager for himself, obviously I wasn't drinking. then my phone goes off early hours of the next morning (Monday) and hes dead,

Tickets have arrived today for our emirates cup trip that he was looking forward to and now ive just completely lost it, im in chills, crying, I just want god to give me my friend back! This is the hardest thing ive ever typed, but I bet toms looking down at me thinking, prat LOL.

Sorry if I bored anyone but this is too hard and too much, 3 deaths in 2 years.

---------- Post added at 10:36 ---------- Previous post was at 10:29 ----------

My song for you Tommy:

Never feared for anything
Never shamed but never free
A laugh that healed the broken heart
With all that it could

Lived the life so endlessly
Saw beyond what others see
I tried to heal your broken heart
With all that I could
Will you stay?
Will you stay away forever?

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away

Plans of what our futures hold
Foolish lies of growing old
It seems we're so invincible
The truth is so cold

A final song, a last request
A perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find
A place in my mind
Where you can stay
You can stay away forever

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away

Sleep tight I'm not afraid (not afraid)
The ones that we love are here with me
Lay away a place for me (place for me)
'Cause as soon as I'm done I'll be on my way
To live eternally

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I have so much to say and you're so far away

I love you, you were ready
The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you, when He lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands untied

So far away (so close)
And I need you to know
So far away (so close)
And I need you to, need you to know

[Ccat]

Just to say- I am so very sorry to hear that Neil.
That is a beautiful tribute you've written for him.

:hugs: CCat x

[Invisibletouch]

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend Tom. The only consolation is that the day before you had a good and happy time with him, and you will have those memories of all the times you spent together. I know that doesn't help you now and how bad the pain must be. The song for Tommy is really lovely, and im sure he knows how much you thought of him.

Thinking of you.....

[NeilSimpson]

I just want tom back, keep looking at his ticket wishing I can see his excited face, he never went to the emirates stadium, I was gonna take him for the first time

[Speranza]

So sorry for your loss. As for the match... Can you take an item of clothing he'd have worn?

[NeilSimpson]

Most of my arsenal shirts LOL he used to steal them off me often, he'd never buy one because as he said 'im the most obsessed arsenal man', silly git. I had over 30 shirts

[kittikat]

So sorry to hear that you have lost your friend. I am sure he will be looking down and thinking what a wonderful friend and a touching tribute you have written here.

Grief is such a hard and personal thing to deal with...I hope you get to the match, I am sure your friend will still want you to go....

Sending you a hug and thinking of you at this sad time :hugs: Kitti

[NeilSimpson]

Thank you kittikat, no tom wouldn't be thinking that at all, he'd be thinking stop being an idiot, his wife is here with me aswell and she says thank you,

NEIL & KAREN xxx

[Speranza]

:hugs:

[NeilSimpson]

Just want you with me at the emirates tom... Please come back

[Edie]

I'm so sorry Neil. How terrible to lose Tom so suddenly. He sounds like he was a great guy. If you feel up to it, I think attending that match would be a lively way to remember Tom. Is there someone special to Tom who might come with you?

[gem7]

so sorry for your loss sending you hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Daisy Sue]

I'm so sorry to hear of your very sad loss, Neil.. try and find consolation in the fact that you were as much an amazing and treasured friend to him, as he was to you, and he spent his last day with his buddy.

I agree that you should still go to the Emirates match - he would've wanted you to.

I don't know you Neil, but.. ((big hugs)).

:(

[Freaked]

So sorry about your friend. It's such an awful shock when these things happen so suddenly. It feels like we should be able to bring someone back just by wanting it so much. 'Enough, nightmare over, you can come back now.'

I'm sure your friend really would be touched by your tribute.

[NeilSimpson]

Thank you all so much for the messages, if the man was here i'd bet he'd whack me one for making so much fuss lol, me and Karen (his wife) have had a drink and ive cooked her dinner and we spoke about tom and such but Its not the same, I want tom back, why does god have this evil streak that he has to pick on us and take away what we hold dear?

[Edie]

The reality of a death is not always like people expect. You have to get through this the way that is right for you, and not the way you think Tom would have wanted. He'd have wanted you to be OK, and the best way for you to be OK again is to go through the process of grief.

Karen is lucky to have such a supportive friend as you. Make sure you are as kind to yourself as you are being to Karen.

[Tessar]

Neil, your post was very brave. Even despite your terrible loss and undoubted pain, you still can feel tommy there with you. I really liked your quip about him looking down on you. I am certain he would have liked it too. Tommy will be there with you, always. Your memories will be there. The things you did together, the times you shared. I'm so sorry you have lost your friend. And also have suffered other bereavements lately as well. It does make life very difficult and it makes you feel heavy. It is early days but I wanted to say that I will do what I can to help you. And as you will have seen from everyone's kind posts here, we are thinking if you. Big hugs... x

[jender]

I am so worried to hear your best friend died franks.The songs of franks so lovely and i am sure he know how much you thought of him.Sending you to hug and thinking at this sad time!!!!.

[NeilSimpson]

Hi all (again),

Thank you all so much for your posts, I know I left it 2 odd weeks but all is done now, you have all helped me, and a special thanks to TESSAR who helped me through PM on that day.

Well im getting on that train in 6hrs to the emirates, and im going with tom in mind and no regrets, lifes way too short.

Strange thing though, since my friend went, I have not had ONE anxiety attack or any thoughts of any cancers dr google can throw at me, strange eh? Maybe toms keeping my head clean for once LOL

Thanks again all, you've helped me back to my old, happy self :)

NEIL xxx

[aggiecuttler]

So sorry about your loss, i am certain he is with you in spirit as he was in life, he will be by your side at the game, blessings to you

[Tessar]

You are VERY welcome Neil... I just felt so much for you as you were so upset about your friend. I'm really glad I was able to make a difference..... I'm still here any time and the football season starts soon so that's something to look forward to :-)