Worbs
17-07-13, 16:13
Hi all, as per the title of my thread I'm pretty sure in suffered anxiety issues all my life, well from around the age of 2 with serious night terrors and fear of parents dying etc up until now, I'm now 34 and am suffering my latest bout of anxiety attacks which I'm sure is down to health anxiety.
Wow I'm welling up as I type this, I've never told anyone about all of this before but after finally deciding to sort this out I have been advised to seek some counselling and talk to people in similar situations as myself.
My earliest memories of my problems were in early infants school, I can't remember the night terrors and fear of parents dying but according to my parents, who are both still here ;) i had them up until 5-6 years old, anyways this is a crazy one but I remember playing on the school field and picking up a condom!! Told you it's a crazy one, one of my fellow school buddies immediately shouted out errrrr your going to die of aids!! Well for years afterwards I was convinced any illness, tummy bug, cold was the start of this! I never told anyone how I was feeling and even at that young of age felt alone and that know one would understand. I moved up to secondary school and the above thoughts seemed to disappear and manifest into feelings of low self esteem low confidence, feelings of dread, again I kept quiet and just kind of learned to accept them, I had become accustomed to the fact I had something wrong with me and was on the path to the end, I just dealt with it and ignored it but it was always there.
At around age 16 I had my first and only dealings with cannabis, a friend of a friend had some, I tried it, smoked out of a cola bottle with the bottom cut of and a bag sucked inside, we'll the result was probably the worst experience of my life!, I thought I was going to die, I desperately tried to phone for an ambulance but the so called friends wouldn't let me, probably for the best seeing the trouble I would have gotten into, it eventually wore off but again I was convinced that sometime soon due to either lung cancer or some kind of brain damage as a result of what I had done was going to kill me, it ruined my life for a long long while, my exams were ruined I got an apprenticeship which was ruined due to the way I was feeling, i completed it and got a trade but just didnt gain the experience I feel, I just couldn't care about anything I was so convinced every day was my last that was all I cared about.
I did go to the doctors at one point around 17-18 yrs old as my son was born and I decided i wanted to sort myself out, I was fobbed of and it never went any further, I continued to have panic/anxiety attacks for years often going to the doctors but being to scared to describe my symptoms for fear of either looking an idiot or for fear of being told I was seriously ill I was going to die.
Anyways later life was a bit stressful very difficult break up of relationship with sons mother, selling house etc, although I just pushed everything aside and adopted a "whatever" attitude I just carried on with life and the anxiety, I suppose I just accepted it as "my life" and I had to deal with it, from around the age of 25-30 things seemed to subside, I read something about panic attacks and anxiety issues and related to a lot of the things the people in the article had suffered, this seemed to make me feel better and have some sort of understanding about what was happening with me, I learnt to cope with and control the panic attacks and everything seemed to fade away up until around a year ago.
I was sitting in a restaurant with my partner early last year, felt fine, had things going on with my sons mother, problems at work etc but usual me they get boxed up and shoved to the back of my mind, anyways I get a familiar fuzzy feeling come me, my head starts to spin my chest tightens and the shallow breathing starts, I panick, surely not I can't be having a panick attack! I manage to control it and we have to leave the restaurant, I explain to my other half what I think had happened but deep down I was having other thoughts, brain tumour? Aneurism? Etc etc i kept it to myself though and suffered in silence. The symptoms began to fade after a few months and again I put it to the back of my mind and carried on with life.
Well at the end of may we found we were expecting our first child together, I was over the moon, so so happy, the day we found out was just amazing, up until the post arrived, I was being made redundant! Ok ok I can deal with it get a new job and carry on. I started suffering headaches, constant dull head aches that lasted weeks, as you can guess my imaginary brain Tumour had returned, I had a funny turn a few weeks back after being in the sun all day that made me have double vision for a few minutes and felt terrible for a few days after (heatstroke) but of course this to me was confirmation of something more serious, I went to see the doctor, described what had happened and told her I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from an anxiety issue, I was told and this is honest "we'll what have you come here for" seriously!! Well that knocked me right down. Anyways last few days I suffered terribly with headaches panick attacks tight chest, shallow breathing etc, worse than any other time in my life, I bit the bullet and went to see a different doctor, she was amazing listened to me advised me set me up for CBT told me to try and speak to people with similar conditions Etc, unfortunately last night I was taken into hospital with the worst panick attack iv ever had, the hospital staff were amazing, listened to everything I told them, tested everything they could to prove there is nothing wrong with me, when my results came back the doctor took me and my partner into a room a had an amazing chat with me, advised me also to seek CBT told me I'm not alone in what I'm suffering, this and seeing the proof I'm actually ok has been amazing, I feel so much better already, I still didn't sleep last night due to shallow breathing but I'm sure I can control this tonight and get a good nights sleep, I haven't had any sleep for around 3 days and feel exhausted :(
I do apologise for the huge post but it feels amazing to be able to get all that of my chest, I have decided to fight this full on now and get all the help I should of done many years ago.
Thanks
Worbs. :)
Wow I'm welling up as I type this, I've never told anyone about all of this before but after finally deciding to sort this out I have been advised to seek some counselling and talk to people in similar situations as myself.
My earliest memories of my problems were in early infants school, I can't remember the night terrors and fear of parents dying but according to my parents, who are both still here ;) i had them up until 5-6 years old, anyways this is a crazy one but I remember playing on the school field and picking up a condom!! Told you it's a crazy one, one of my fellow school buddies immediately shouted out errrrr your going to die of aids!! Well for years afterwards I was convinced any illness, tummy bug, cold was the start of this! I never told anyone how I was feeling and even at that young of age felt alone and that know one would understand. I moved up to secondary school and the above thoughts seemed to disappear and manifest into feelings of low self esteem low confidence, feelings of dread, again I kept quiet and just kind of learned to accept them, I had become accustomed to the fact I had something wrong with me and was on the path to the end, I just dealt with it and ignored it but it was always there.
At around age 16 I had my first and only dealings with cannabis, a friend of a friend had some, I tried it, smoked out of a cola bottle with the bottom cut of and a bag sucked inside, we'll the result was probably the worst experience of my life!, I thought I was going to die, I desperately tried to phone for an ambulance but the so called friends wouldn't let me, probably for the best seeing the trouble I would have gotten into, it eventually wore off but again I was convinced that sometime soon due to either lung cancer or some kind of brain damage as a result of what I had done was going to kill me, it ruined my life for a long long while, my exams were ruined I got an apprenticeship which was ruined due to the way I was feeling, i completed it and got a trade but just didnt gain the experience I feel, I just couldn't care about anything I was so convinced every day was my last that was all I cared about.
I did go to the doctors at one point around 17-18 yrs old as my son was born and I decided i wanted to sort myself out, I was fobbed of and it never went any further, I continued to have panic/anxiety attacks for years often going to the doctors but being to scared to describe my symptoms for fear of either looking an idiot or for fear of being told I was seriously ill I was going to die.
Anyways later life was a bit stressful very difficult break up of relationship with sons mother, selling house etc, although I just pushed everything aside and adopted a "whatever" attitude I just carried on with life and the anxiety, I suppose I just accepted it as "my life" and I had to deal with it, from around the age of 25-30 things seemed to subside, I read something about panic attacks and anxiety issues and related to a lot of the things the people in the article had suffered, this seemed to make me feel better and have some sort of understanding about what was happening with me, I learnt to cope with and control the panic attacks and everything seemed to fade away up until around a year ago.
I was sitting in a restaurant with my partner early last year, felt fine, had things going on with my sons mother, problems at work etc but usual me they get boxed up and shoved to the back of my mind, anyways I get a familiar fuzzy feeling come me, my head starts to spin my chest tightens and the shallow breathing starts, I panick, surely not I can't be having a panick attack! I manage to control it and we have to leave the restaurant, I explain to my other half what I think had happened but deep down I was having other thoughts, brain tumour? Aneurism? Etc etc i kept it to myself though and suffered in silence. The symptoms began to fade after a few months and again I put it to the back of my mind and carried on with life.
Well at the end of may we found we were expecting our first child together, I was over the moon, so so happy, the day we found out was just amazing, up until the post arrived, I was being made redundant! Ok ok I can deal with it get a new job and carry on. I started suffering headaches, constant dull head aches that lasted weeks, as you can guess my imaginary brain Tumour had returned, I had a funny turn a few weeks back after being in the sun all day that made me have double vision for a few minutes and felt terrible for a few days after (heatstroke) but of course this to me was confirmation of something more serious, I went to see the doctor, described what had happened and told her I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from an anxiety issue, I was told and this is honest "we'll what have you come here for" seriously!! Well that knocked me right down. Anyways last few days I suffered terribly with headaches panick attacks tight chest, shallow breathing etc, worse than any other time in my life, I bit the bullet and went to see a different doctor, she was amazing listened to me advised me set me up for CBT told me to try and speak to people with similar conditions Etc, unfortunately last night I was taken into hospital with the worst panick attack iv ever had, the hospital staff were amazing, listened to everything I told them, tested everything they could to prove there is nothing wrong with me, when my results came back the doctor took me and my partner into a room a had an amazing chat with me, advised me also to seek CBT told me I'm not alone in what I'm suffering, this and seeing the proof I'm actually ok has been amazing, I feel so much better already, I still didn't sleep last night due to shallow breathing but I'm sure I can control this tonight and get a good nights sleep, I haven't had any sleep for around 3 days and feel exhausted :(
I do apologise for the huge post but it feels amazing to be able to get all that of my chest, I have decided to fight this full on now and get all the help I should of done many years ago.
Thanks
Worbs. :)