How do your partners react?

[RoseWithinThorns]

(sorry if this is in the wrong thread, feel free to move it).

Hi guys and girlies,

I always thought my girlfriend of 6 months was quite understanding but after a couple of panic attacks over the last week, she's completely lost it. She's told me that I should stop expecting so much affection (she gives me very little), that she has her own problems and I have to start dealing with my own panic and basically stop burdening others. Last night I was deeply distressed and terrified after a tough day so I started crying, and she got so angry with me and was shouting and making no attempt to make me feel safe.

I go out of my way to do things for her and am now scared to talk about my feelings at all. Then again, she's only human and has her own issues. Is this a normal response from a partner who doesn't understand anxiety or is she controlling me? I love her but I'm so scared right now.

xx

[Stormsky]

It's difficult to answer, because everyone deals with it differently..
our partners support, understanding is down to many factors in their upbringing, their personality, their abilities dealing with stress, possibly age..
It can't be easy for them, I appreciate that, no one wants to be around someone 24-7 that's depressed or anxious or panicky .. And it has to be hard to understand if you don't suffer yourself..
But if you love someone, you hate seeing them suffer..
I'm lucky, my hubby is an angel, always has been...
I'm recovered now, but I used to make sure I still made time for him, stayed chirpy even when I didn't feel happy.. It can bring them down if your depressed all the time..
I can't say if your partners controlling, only you know the real nature of your relationship..
Try chatting it through with her.

[Nicola Main]

What ashame Hayley that's awful! *hugs*

My boyfriend has been really supportive over my panic/anxiety attacks. I've known him for 6 years but we've only been going out for 2 years in November. Last year I had quite a big panic attack at Castle Fraser in Aberdeenshire and he was amazing, held my hand throughout, he's not much of a talker though so if I need any distractions I have to say to him 'Say something, anything!' just so I can focus my mind on something else. He's amazing and while he doesn't truly understand what I feel I love when he's with me as I know he'll stand by me.

[rufess1]

My partner says things like, what you panicking about now? but I actually don't know what im panicking about, that's the problem lol. To be honest I don't tell him half the time, I find getting up and doing something to take my mind off it helps me more than comments like "stop thinking about it and it wont happen" lol easier said than done lol. I think if someone has never had a panic attack they don't understand how it feels. He is ok about it but doesn't really understand it

[MrsStobe13]

It's difficult, I think your girlfriend needs to be a little more sensitive but she may not understand, either. My husband only put all the knives back in the drawer a few weeks ago, I couldn't sleep because I could still reach them and the urges felt so strong. In the end, he had to put them in a tub on the top shelf in our storeroom, I can't reach up there. I also get motion sickness when I can't just stop the bus/train/car and get off. His general reaction is "you going funny again?". On the whole though, he's my rock. He brought me roses the other day just to make me smile and if I'm having a low he'll get a blanket so we can snuggle. Of course, when I need to face my fears he's with me every step of the way - I don't think I'd of married him without him! lol. People cope with anxiety in different ways and it may not be that she means to upset you. Are you getting any professional help with your anxiety? Maybe she might be more supportive if you asked her to support you in getting help, rather than depending on her for support?

MrsS x

[Edward_1980]

My partner is so-so when it comes to my Borderline, Depression and Panic. He can be supportive at times, but lately when I get bad he just tells me to ring my nurse Aeneas. I highly believe that I have exhausted the last bit of care within him. I'm always suffering from something and it tires him out to the limit.

[kipperfish]

My partner is rubbish to say the least lol.

He's a bit weird with it really, sometimes he thinks i'm just saying i'm panicking to get attention which really really hurts when he says it, whereas other times he's really supportive and will do anything to try and help me out.

I guess he just gets fed up of me sometimes, especially now I'm avoiding everything he just so impatient and angry.

[Spot-the-frog]

My partner is pretty good I must admit. He supports me all the time and looks after me and I can talk to him when things are really bad. I do feel guilty though that my A/D is affecting his life as I don't really want to go anywhere and that is not fair on him but he hasn't complained so far. He is not a saint and there are times when I know he is annoyed or disappointed but we will talk about it. He is definitely my rock and I don't know what I would do without him, I worry sometimes that he will leave me because I am like this but he says that I wasn't like it when I met him and I won't be like it forever - he is the eternal optomist!

[Elf20]

He usually supports me, but when we have a fight he says "i supported you when you were panicky" and stuff like this, like i owe him something. -.- He hasn't seen me going through a full panic attack, though. Mostly, he saw me during my depression state, which lasted a couple of weeks, and he has only received some whining and some confessions of my weird phobias.

[Ally-SA]

My hubby is usually pretty good - but this week things have felt a little strained... :(

I don't know what to think. He's been my rock. But I hate seeing him get upset with me. It hurts more than anything...

[meche]

In my darkest moments my other half was kind and considerate but he didn't really understand. All he would ever say was 'it'll be ok, just relax and stop thinking about it' - if only it were that easy! I think he found it difficult seeing me in such a state because in the 6 years we've been together I've always been a happy, independent person and that part of me disappeared for almost a year so he must have felt like he was living with a stranger at times. I didn't know my own mind so how could I expect him to. Also, as lovely as he is, he isn't the most talkative of men when it comes to emotion and feeling. He did his best though and together we came through it. xx

[Ally-SA]

How did you do get through it meche?

[RoseWithinThorns]

Thank you so much for your replies. Unfortunately me and my girlfriend split tonight after reaching breaking point. But thank you all xx

[Stormsky]

Thank you so much for your replies. Unfortunately me and my girlfriend split tonight after reaching breaking point. But thank you all xx

Sorry to hear that..sending :hugs: