Just 'meh' today...

[Ally-SA]

I am feeling a bit down today...

Hubby works long hours - starts at 4am. So every morning, I wake up, alone... Well. He's home, but works before going to the office around 8am. He has a deadline for tomorrow, so was a bit moody last night. When he woke up this morning - he snapped at me. Not so nice to wake up to... BUT anyways. All is ok. I just feel alone most days.

And now I'm upset about some things... I haven't done any work today. He'll come home and ask me what I've done, and I'll have to tell him that I mostly sat staring at the PC. :unsure:

Am upset because I can't handle people / animals in pain. I can't handle death. I wasn't there for my gran when she died in 2008 from cancer. I wasn't there for my ex-boyfriend when he too died of cancer. I feel guilty. For so long now... And last year my one dog died - and I don't know how I did it, but I went to say goodbye to her before she was put to sleep. How do you move on - and let things go?

And tomorrow I'm going to get my stitches out - had a mole removed 2 weeks ago. Am such a grumpy bum about it - am nervous the wound pops open, or something... The lady said she has to remove them tomorrow because she's going away, and I'm worried it's not enough time for it to heal.

Such small and silly things. But like I said. Sometimes I have good days, and bad... and today it's the just the latter. :shrug:

And then I think - I must get a grip. Maybe I'm just having a lil' PMS. I always get weepy just before. And I've OD'd on hot chocolate again today. Sooooooo. Okay. Am going to clean my desk, and have a fresh start tomorrow morning.

[meche]

That sounds like a fab idea Ally. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Don't beat yourself up too much about having a bad, unproductive day. I get them too.

My other half was grumpy last week because of work comittments and was snappy with me. I really took it to heart and then I was grumpy. Grumpy + grumpy = argument! I was also going through a 'PMS' moment and probably would have reacted differently if it was any other time of the month.

As for the guilt over your gran & ex. I have no answers. All I can say is that I'm sure they all knew you loved them and would have been there if you could. Remember the happy times. I have guilt and sadness in heart over certain things and I also get moments when it becomes too much. I just have to accept the feeling and let it pass. There isn't anything else I can do.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you Ally. Good luck with getting your stitches out. I'm certain she wouldn't be removing them if she didn't think you were ready. It'll be fine. Now go and have another hot chocolate! xx

[Ally-SA]

:D Thank you so much meche! xx

Hubby always says to me - I mustn't let his mood affect my happiness. But it's hard not to! hehe

Thank you again. :hugs:

[meche]

You're more than welcome Ally. I completely understand. I love my other half to bits but he can be a grumpy git sometimes especially when he's got lots on. He stresses really easily. Sometimes I can joke about with him and he snaps out of it but more often than not I just leave him to it. If there's a male version of PMT, my other has it..... Permanent Man Tension! xx

[Ally-SA]

hehe :D That's quite cute!

My hubby reads a lot about zen, and whatnot. He *tries* to be more calm... actually, he is usually calm - totally opposite of me. lol I don't think he handles stress very well though... Or maybe he doesn't like to admit it. I also let him be now and then. And I try to have dinner ready in the evenings... watch some telly together, have a chat. Weekends are usually way better - he's totally different then. hehe :)

[Ally-SA]

Right!

Stitches are OUT! Woo hoo! Wasn't too bad...

Then I went to the mall. Browsed around a couple of shops, and did some grocery shopping.

Last night was pretty awful - I was in such a mood... Had an argument with hubby. He always begs me to "fix" things. I wish I could be better. Right now.

I had such a good day. Felt fine. Then suddenly I had a strange sensation in my calf muscle. And then the twitching. And then the bad, bad thoughts... Felt so disappointed with myself.

Anyways - have made a doctor's appointment for Wednesday - for a checkup. Will have bloods done, etc. Going to see my family GP - and this will be my 2nd doc appt for the year - dermatologist being the first. So not too bad, considering I saw a doc a few times a week last year! :lac: