lostgirl123
18-07-13, 21:07
hey everyone.
its comforting to see people on here who have similar problems with harm ocd and pure o. I've been suffering from harm ocd (though i've only just established that this is what it is, and i'm not a total evil lunatic), since I was about 8 or 9 years old - around the time my mum left my dad for another man. Although at the time I felt okay with it (I adjusted well to the change), it wasn't long after that, that I started to develop obsessive thoughts. I started to worry that I was going harm other people (particularly those I love dearly), and it used to keep me up all night for years. I knew in my head that the thought of harming made me feel physically sick, it disgusted me, but still the thoughts tormented me. It affected my ability to concentrate at school, my ability to have close friends.. (I also to this day still have obsessive thoughts that everybody hates me). It became worse in episodes really, especially when it was hot (I remember hot nights were when it was most distressing). Around the age of 16 I got a hold of it, and have only had maybe 1 or 2 episodes (lasting maybe a week or 2 at a time) since, as I've learnt to shut these thoughts out. However it wasn't until recently that I plucked up the courage to research it and realised I wasn't alone, and that this is a mental illness. I had spent 12 years of my life, believing I was secretly crazy, mental, evil, disgusting...
I have theories on how this came about, but I'm really seeking to get help (i.e CBT and talking therapy). I've had therapy in the past for issues with eating, depression and anxiety, but have never had the courage to mention this particular issue.
I want to talk to my mum about it, but she makes it so difficult. I don't feel like I'm anywhere near comfortable enough to discuss it. She is herself, a counsellor, but she seems to think that her children are exempt from any feelings or disorders she has studied. I am really concerned at how much she drinks too, and the amount of men she seems to have on the go at the moment (she has since split with my stepfather in 2011, which was an extremely turbulent time). I can't seem to get close to her, we've always been so close but in a way, (which I'm sure isn't true), she seems not to care anymore now I've moved out.
If anybody wants to talk about harm ocd and their issues, it would be great to have somebody to relate to.
peace x
its comforting to see people on here who have similar problems with harm ocd and pure o. I've been suffering from harm ocd (though i've only just established that this is what it is, and i'm not a total evil lunatic), since I was about 8 or 9 years old - around the time my mum left my dad for another man. Although at the time I felt okay with it (I adjusted well to the change), it wasn't long after that, that I started to develop obsessive thoughts. I started to worry that I was going harm other people (particularly those I love dearly), and it used to keep me up all night for years. I knew in my head that the thought of harming made me feel physically sick, it disgusted me, but still the thoughts tormented me. It affected my ability to concentrate at school, my ability to have close friends.. (I also to this day still have obsessive thoughts that everybody hates me). It became worse in episodes really, especially when it was hot (I remember hot nights were when it was most distressing). Around the age of 16 I got a hold of it, and have only had maybe 1 or 2 episodes (lasting maybe a week or 2 at a time) since, as I've learnt to shut these thoughts out. However it wasn't until recently that I plucked up the courage to research it and realised I wasn't alone, and that this is a mental illness. I had spent 12 years of my life, believing I was secretly crazy, mental, evil, disgusting...
I have theories on how this came about, but I'm really seeking to get help (i.e CBT and talking therapy). I've had therapy in the past for issues with eating, depression and anxiety, but have never had the courage to mention this particular issue.
I want to talk to my mum about it, but she makes it so difficult. I don't feel like I'm anywhere near comfortable enough to discuss it. She is herself, a counsellor, but she seems to think that her children are exempt from any feelings or disorders she has studied. I am really concerned at how much she drinks too, and the amount of men she seems to have on the go at the moment (she has since split with my stepfather in 2011, which was an extremely turbulent time). I can't seem to get close to her, we've always been so close but in a way, (which I'm sure isn't true), she seems not to care anymore now I've moved out.
If anybody wants to talk about harm ocd and their issues, it would be great to have somebody to relate to.
peace x